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She's very passive and is only upset by the roommate she thinks is a man. I've tried repeatedly to get a room change but the facility's solution is to send her to psych facility.

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Uh-oh. I’m afraid if your mom is actually taking other residents by the arm and making them go look at her roommate, if they don’t want to go with her and resist, it may not end well. Not everyone likes to be touched and especially not those with dementia.

I guess I was lucky that for most of the time my mom was in SNF, she had her own room. She wasn’t supposed to, but she did. There was always another bed in her room, but she seldom had a roommate for more than a week.
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Kelli8 Aug 2018
Agreed, but I've explained this to memory care since June 30. She's been transferred twice to 2 different facilities and both tell me it's an easy fix, nothing that warrants the trauma of a transfer to geri-psych.
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This is quite interesting. My LO once mistook her roommate for a male too, but, she thought it was a male friend from long ago that she just adored, so she was quite happy. She even called the roommate Larry....her old friend. I didn't know this was so common. It didn't hurt anything and eventually, Larry passed away. Sad, but, she never mistook anyone else for a male.
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Unless Mom has become violent, there is no reason for a Psychic eval. The problem comes if there is a room available. If the other residents get along with their roommates the home probably doesn't want to upset the apple cart. Its hard to find two people who can live together. I agree call a meeting.
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I agree that you need to call a Care Conference. Ask that everyone who has contact with your mother be there. It’s your right to call this meeting.

My mother mistook her roommate for a man as well. She actually slapped the woman. I was terrified of repercussions from the home and also the woman’s family. The DON assured me there would be no legal action. My mother was immediately transferred to another room. Nothing was ever said about a psychiatric hospital. Are you certain nothing else is going on with your mother?
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Kelli8 Aug 2018
Im not there 24/7 but what I get from memory care is that she's pulled the bedspread off her room mate and leading other residents by the arm to look at her sleeping roommate, probably trying to show them it's a man.
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Look at your contract, it should answer that.

Have you had a meeting with the DON or Exec Administrator? If the solution is so simple maybe you are talking to the wrong people.

You should have a case worker on site that can help arrange the necessary meetings.

I personally believe that making the residents comfortable is part of their job and for what ever reason your mom has mistaken this woman as a man and is very uncomfortable with the situation. Please do not let them make this about a prejudice, her brain is broken and she is confused.

Best of luck getting this dealt with, without mom having to go through the trauma of a hospital trip.
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