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She is competent but I’m scared she will report me. I feel like we are being held hostage by her and her manipulative ways. We are at our wits end with her and her dog peeing all over our house. Anyone been down this road?

You can report anything you want to anybody you want. Result? Who knows.
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Reply to gladimhere
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Just tell her to "Go Right Ahead, Hopefully they will help you to find a new place to live, since you are so unhappy here".

Remember, that Narcissists try to rule your life through FEAR, OBLIGATION AND GUILT (FOG), and threats like this hits all 3 buttons. Do not play into it, nor worry that any on of them will work, unless you have Something to worry about, which I doubt. If she were to call APS, someone there will hear your side of the story, so you will get your opportunity to speak your mind too, and ask them for guidance on the situation!

Perhaps it's time to remind or Establish some serious house rules.

Example's:

1. This is Our house, so she needs to be respectful, and there is a pecking order, your husband first, yourself, your son (kids), and she is last. Those are the wedding vows you made to your husband.

2. She can remain as long as You feel that the arrangements are working, and that you can manage her care, after that you will help her to find Clean and Safe accommodations geared towards someone with her needs.

3. You are not her waitress, so she needs to help herself with those things that she is capable of doing on her own, if she needs assistance, she can ask, and you will try to accomodate her when you have a moment, no more
"Chop-Chop" to her demands, as that is rude, and rudeness will not be tollerated.

4. Everyone participates around here, you will be assigned some chores to help the household duties (like laundry, chopping vegetables, etc... depending on her abilities.

5. She is to participate financially toward household bills.

6. You need alone time with your hubby, so establish a place or time that you want to be alone, and she needs to make sure she respects that. Maybe a set time at night so you can have your TV room to yourselves, plus she is not alowed to enter you bedroom without knocking. Make sure there is a TV and internet in her personal space (her bedroom) for her to use and to retreat to so you can be alone.

Etc, Etc, Etc, ...........
Make the rules apply to your own unique household circumstances, but you should have these things established, so that there is no confusion.

Your husband will appreciate that you are taking steps to establish these rules, so that actions can be taken, and his MIL isn't taking over the house, as she certainly will, if she can get away with it!

Think about how you want your home run, now and in the future. Rules can be changed as necessary! You can't give a Narcissistic an inch or they take a mile! Don't be afraid, and don't back down.
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Reply to staceyb
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You can't stop her reporting you, but that doesn't mean that you will be found to be at fault. This might be the trigger that gets other agencies involved and leads to her going somewhere more appropriate than your home.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Seems like if she does report you, she might be placed into another living situation, so don't understand how she thinks she has any leverage. Seems
like it'd be better for everyone if she lived somewhere else anyways. How
frustrating! I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
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Reply to bettina
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Hi.
i meant to say can she report us to elder abuse. I feel like we are the ones being abused and she does whatever she wants. She constantly does passive aggressive things to me. Not my husband or my son, just me. I swear she is like a friend emeny
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Reply to Soflagrown
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She can do whatever she wants. Not sure if Social Services can do anything. Where I live SS only take care of Medicaid, SSI, SS and foof stamps. Really its Adult Protective Services she wants but we won't say anything.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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