My Mom has Alzheimer's and I've been her only caregiver for two years. Can my brother with POA suddenly kick me out?

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I have had no life for two years, living with my mom, who has Alzheimer's. I gave up my condo and job to care for her. My brother and sister never even visit my mom although they live close to her. Behind my back, before my mom was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer's, my brother talked my mother into giving him Power of Attorney and complete control of all her health issues and assets. He took her to a lawyer so everything is official. I only recently found out about this. Although I am in the will and all property and money will be divided among the three of us, I have no power right now. I haven't even been able to go out to visit a friend because I have been a prisoner in my mom's home caring for her. Her mood swings and aggressive behavior are just some of the nightmares I've had to deal with all alone. This last year, I haven't even been able to go out once in the evening. Even during the day, I must take my very mentally ill, 91 year mother with me. In desperation, I called my sister and brother to tell them I needed a caregiver once in a while to relieve me and I also wanted to put my mom in daycare a couple of days a week. My brother and sister were fine with me being total caregiver to my mom. But, when I asked them for help, my brother, who has power of attorney, and my sister went ballistic. They came over and ambushed me, bullying me and threatening me. They told me they could not afford help for mom. I know that's not true because I have done my mom's taxes the for several years and know she has a high monthly retirement income and several investments and assets. My brother and sister said they found an assisted living home for my mom and are putting her into it without even consulting me--the only sibling who has lovingly cared for my mom. I am broken hearted, but angry, too. My brother wants to kick me out immediately, but I need time to find a job and a decent, affordable place to live with my two dogs. My health is not good and I also need time to see a doctor which I have not done in three years. There is no reason to force me to leave the family home immediately. This has been my residence for a long time. I would like just a few months to get my life back. I have kept the house is perfect shape. The home looks better than before I lived in it. Is there anything I can do?

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Curly, there comes a time when an elder no longer has a choice of where to live when a much higher level of care is needed unless that elder has the money to afford 24 hour professional caregivers.

That is probably why your brother feels you need a break, and the best place for Mom is in a nursing home where there is Staff who work 8 hours and go home to rest, then another freshly rested shift comes in, and later another shift.

It is very difficult for one person to work 168 hours a week without crashing and burning from exhaustion. Remember, you choose to be Mom's caregiver.

A lot of time we will promise a parent that we won't put them into a nursing home. Usually that promise is made when the parent is still living on their own, still driving, still getting their own groceries, going to their own doctor appointments, visiting with friends, etc. We don't picture our parents needing around the clock care.

Maybe it is time for you to go back to being your Mom's "daughter", instead of being her "caregiver". It's something to think about. You can still help out even when she is in a nursing home :)
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Im in the same situation. My brother who has POW is on a power trip. I was taking cate of mom 24/7 and got no help from him or my sisters. All one of my sisters would say was "i told you you should of put her in a nursing home 5 years ago." Yes... Maybe i should of but i was trying to honor mom because she said "she wanted to die at home" . so when it came to her care no one would help in her care. So because i am retired i got elected. I was glad to be able to take care of mom, but they wouldn't even come stay with mom so i could go home and get my mail or go by food. I had to pay the girl upstairs so i could go shopping. So now my brother who has power of attorney deceided to put her in a nursing home and she doesnt want to be there. What can i do????
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Well, you will need a way to pay the mortgage and utilities, since mom's money is paying for assisted living. Get your own lawyer and make up a contract that allows you to stay in the house. If she died tomorrow it would be one third yours anyway.
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Marci, you might also want to do some research to see if your area has a landlord-tenant division in the court system, and also search for pro bono (free) attorneys who could help you at least get an extension on leaving.

Typically a tenant has to be served with legal process, which states the reason for the eviction. The tenant is also given a certain number of days by which to vacate the premises.

I don't know if you'd be considered a tenant, but you might be. Free legal counsel can help you identify options you might have.

Just curious - who holds title to the house in which you and your mother lived?
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How about pushing back? Tell your brother and sister that you are going to find a place to live and a job before they toss you out on your behind, that you are entitled to at least that. They can't pick you up and place you out on a curb. And then go about the business of getting a job and finding a place to live.

While I had no siblings forcing me out I had a similar situation to yours when I cared for my dad in a home we shared. One day he fell and that was it. He went from home to ER to hospital to rehab to nursing home. I had to get out of the house we shared because I couldn't afford it on my own (my dad went on Medicaid) and in order to find a place to live I had to find work. It was so stressful and it was my worst nightmare because when my dad lived with me I knew my security was tied up with his health and that was a bad thing. But we make the best choices we can at the time and go on.

I know this is all very upsetting to you and I would be just as upset as well. It's not like you're insisting on staying in the home rent-free or anything. Wanting the time required to find a place to live and a job is reasonable. Don't waste your time trying to make your brother understand anything, use that time to put the pieces back together. You've found out that your brother can't be counted on to be compassionate to your situation.
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MarciWriter, curious how did you become your Mom's full-time caregiver? Did you and Mom have a written contract stating the caregiving hours, salary since you had to give up your job, and regarding the house, that if she needed another layer of care that you could stay for a certain amount of time?

It is a shame that sibling cannot work as a team for the common goal of their elder parent. Who was the Power of Attorney prior to your brother? Or was there none?
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There is one positive thing that I can see. You will be able to get your own life back after providing needed care to your mother. Many caregivers find themselves in the position that you are in. This is something that makes providing free care particularly costly to caregivers. Unless you and your mother had a legal agreement, there may be nothing you can do other than look for a job and a new place to live. I hope that your siblings will work with you so that you will have time. To toss you out with nothing would be an ungrateful thing to do.

Will your mother be on private pay or will she apply for Medicaid? Since she has good monthly income, I imagine she will be private pay for a while at least. This is a sad situation.
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