Can my mom be held responsible for riding in the car with my driving father who has dementia and had his license taken away?

Plane. Good old Uncle Google says it takes an hour and fifteen minutes and will set you back around about $300 dollars per person. I know fuel is cheap (oh yes it is!) in the States, but even so if it's an 11 hour drive that's got to be a big gas bill (I'm even being optimistic and assuming they don't get sued).

I've also witnessed the difficulty of a woman in her eighties facing telling her ninety year old husband that his driving was scaring her out of her wits, and to them it feels like an act of Delilah-like betrayal; but I'm sorry - it's your mother who is going to have to put her foot down.

Add up the sums right for her, and she'll be able to tell him that she is NOT going to spend a whole waking day in the car when for "virtually" the same money she can travel in style and arrive with her hair looking nice. And cabs at both ends - she is not going to put up with walking miles across a parking lot. It's her daughter's wedding, she is mother of the bride, and she must have her way.

Meanwhile, as a separate issue from your special day, she needs to call a nice community police officer and ask him to come round and speak sternly to your father and explain that he does not have a valid driving licence. If he won't listen to a uniformed officer, then his dementia is definitely too far gone for him to be driving and she should ask for help to disable or sell the car.

In my humble opinion I think you should take charge here. It would totally ruin you wedding if he had a wreck and killed somebody. Please do something. My grown children live near there and I would absolutely kill me if anything happened to them. Give them airline tickets, arrange for a bus ride, train ride, to get them yourselves, have a relative to get them but do not let either one of them drive.

Any good lawyer would sue them both and take all they have. Notify the police department in their hometown about his driving plans. You will save some lives, including theirs, by doing that.

Is your mom afraid of your dad? If this is the case, think about getting a local agency, or a geriatric care manager involved in their care.

It sounds as though your mom may need some support.

And remove or cut up the liscence.. you can get a state ID card for Drs and the bank.... they work great!

I used to work for an insurance company, and I feel that if he had an accident while driving with no liscense this could be a huge problem, financially speaking. after all, your mother and you both know he has lost his liscense, and this is a big no no. And I agree, how would you feel if something happened? My dad had his long after he should not have,, mom just didn;t tell us about the red light running,, poor judgement... never his fault!

Two weeks until your wedding, and you don't need this kind of worry. You MUST somehow get the car keys away from them! Is there a relative who lives close to them that can help? A sibling? Perhaps your parents won't be able to come to your wedding at all, but that is far better than allowing this potential dad-driving disaster to happen. Is someone going to videorecord the wedding, so that they could see it later?

IF you allow your parents to drive to your wedding and something happens, it will affect your life forever after. Do you really want that on your conscience?

No question about it CM is right they have to fly or someone has to go and get them. have you considered holding the ceremony a few days prior to your actual planned day. That way Dad could escort you and the actual service will be a blessing and Mum and Dad stay home.

Early to mid-stage, short flight, pick off-peak times for it - it should be feasible to get him from A to B; and other than the refusal to quit driving the OP doesn't mention any challenging behaviours. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out, and perhaps bride and groom can make her parents top of their visiting list as newly weds; but it is a very big deal not to walk your daughter up the aisle, and I wouldn't give up hope just yet.

CM

True, but depends on when the wedding is, plus it would be better if they arrived a few days before the ceremony. 11 hour drive can be grueling for young or old.