I signed papers saying that they knew how to care for a dementia patient!

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Yes they can. They don’t have to tolerate physical assaults. But that said, they should be trying to figure out what is causing the behavior-could be a UTI rather than the dementia itself. Could be he needs different meds. He may need to be moved to a geriatric psych unit at the hospital where they can tweak his meds until they find the right combination.
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Reply to worriedinCali

Yes, they will tell you he has to leave. It happened to my mom. She was a danger to herself and other residents and staff. She was taken for psych assessments a few times when the last med tweak wouldn't work any longer. She was on hospice at the time and they recommended a care home where all residents had been kicked out of their previous facilities.

The care home worked much better for mom, had a lower caregiver resident ratio and the care was better. This home was even cheaper than the memory care facility was. It would have worked better for mom from the very beginning.
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Reply to gladimhere

Abusive and combative patients constitute a danger to staff. Yes, they can require your father to leave. However, this doesn't mean YOU have to accept him into your CARE. You can tell them that you cannot accept him into your care, and have no means of caring for him. Then do not argue. He will end in hospital and social workers there will have to walk him through the assessment and getting him safely placed. Do know that once you refuse to take on care there is no doing this half way. You will have NO choice as to where he is placed nor its proximity to you, nor to his money. He will be under the guardianship of the state
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Reply to AlvaDeer

As much as you want your LO to be in a place that he's accustomed to--flip the tables and ask yourself is YOU would want your mom to be in a place where there was someone who was violent and could possibly hurt your dad? Of course not!

I worked ONE DAY for and elder care patient who blacked my eye within the first hour of meeting her. She was so angry and just lashed out. Not a small woman, well over 300 lbs and while I am a stocky little thing myself--I could not get her up off the floor and she punched me.

Needless to say, even with 2 f/t caregivers working in tandem with this woman and her hubby, I knew I couldn't work effectively if she was going to PUNCH me!

Not for the measly $9 and hour. Not for anything.

I agree your dad should be checked for a UTI--barring the weirdness that can come with those...and perhaps medication to control the aggressiveness..he will likely be moved.

You don't want her causing legal issues with the other residents, and believe me, if somebody beat up my mom, I'd raise holy heck.
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Reply to Midkid58


So did you say your hubby has fits of rage and violence? Nobody.. has to put up with that. Yes, they should warn you before the call the police. They should call you first.

But, dementia plays a whole bunch of roles.. the personality you knew growing up together, and growing old together, just left the party. That gentle person you know, and loved,and the neighbors loved, just doesn't answer the door anymore.
It happened to my friend. Her hubby came down with dementia/alz and he turned for the worse. He was ok, and then his personality turned.
The facility did not call her, the police called her. Mind you they are in the 80's.\
So the put him in a lockdown facility. No visitors for 48 hours. He didn't even recognize her... :( ALZ came on strong, took over, and passed within 5 months.
Yes, the personality change happens to people quickly without notice. Yes, it is hard. Yes, this MAN you MARRIED.. changed because of dementia. He is frustrated, he doesn't know why.. and he lashes out...
I am so sorry this happened to you. Please understand, it happens more often than not.....
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Reply to MAYDAY

This is my opinion.

MCs and LTC are not equipped to handle people with violent tendencies. Its majority rules. The facility has to take their staff and residents into consideration.

Medications are prescribed primarily by the facility doctors. These doctors are usually GPs. To me, they do not have the expertise to "play" with drugs till they find the right combination. This is when the person needs to be taken to a Psychiatric facility where there are Doctor's and staff that are trained especially for violent behaviours. Be aware that it can take a month to figure out if a drug is effective. If found its not, then the doctor has to start all over. And knowing what type of Dementia they are suffering from helps. There are some meds that cannot be given to someone who has Lewy body for instance. This really needs to be done in a controlled environment and MC does not have that capability.

My GFs father was in his mid 80s when he went violent in his AL. The staff had to lock themselves and residents in the conference room because he was throwing things like the computer. The police were called and he was taken to a Psychic hospital. They are stronger than you know and can hurt somebody badly.
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Reply to JoAnn29

What exactly has happened? What is the facility now saying?

Your husband was assessed by [someone] and admitted to Acme Memory Care Facility on [date], on the understanding that he has [type(s) of] dementia and would require [an agreed level of] support.

Was your husband engaging in physically challenging behaviour before his admission? Was this subject specifically discussed during the assessment?
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Reply to Countrymouse

This was suggested to us that if my father didn't get medical/psych help, he would not be able to stay in the nursing home. They put him on a wait list for a geriatric psych facility to be evaluated. In the meantime, we called his doctor and he switched dad to a different medication which really helped!! We also observed that staff really were not properly trained in how to approach of keep these types of residents from becoming agitated. We spoke with the DON and administrator and suggested Teepa Snow's videos. They since instituted inservice training to de escalate situations. Be vocal and be his advocate. Contact his doctor first and do the other second. Find out how they train CNAs to handle outbursts.
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Reply to Harpcat
Bella7 Jun 18, 2020
I think all facilities should train with Teepa Snow! Her videos keep me sane.
A couple of ideas on this post.

CHECK UTI.. That reeks havoc immediately. and is easy to check.

a smaller facility... a board n care 6 residents, 2 caretakers...

Your scenario seems exactly like my friend's situation.He was too far gone for anything but a lockdown facility for ALZ...

ALZ. /dementia is not racist. It doesn't know color, race, age, or anything, it just goes and takes over... I honestly don't understand it. It might be genetic.. I lost 2 of my family members... I lost a dear friend. I lost a close friend. I don't want to count anymore tonight... sorry, it's making me sad and cry.. It's not fair. It is so not right. Cancer is more friendly, in my mind. at least you know it will last for so long, and you have certain amount of time to figure it out. But going on for years, maybe, hopefully less if you are ready for that...
Please God, take me swiftly and quickly/ Like removing a bandaid, the faster the better.. right? maybe. maybe not...
and on that note,another friend has been battling cancer for over 10 years. had blood marrow transplant, etc. and his body is weakening, but his spirit and soul are just as clear as a bell from what I was told.. what his family is going through have been over almost a decade. His kids were just under 9 when this happened. and so hard for them to even deal with this... he is a good man. good family totally under unknown stress due to all of this...
For me, give me the bandaid.. rip me off this earth so it is over and done when my turn comes up... PLEASE.
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Reply to MAYDAY

Many dementia patients are not violent, and other patients certainly have the right not to be hit.   Was the facility warned he was violent, or is this something new (possibly anger at being moved from home?).   He needs someone to evaluate him for meds.  My mom's pcp, who is a geriatrician, has had to adjust my mom's meds over time.  If the facility does not have a DR who can do this, they may have to send to a behavioral/psch unit for evaluation and new meds.  But they should take him back.  All of this is 100 times more difficult in the era of Corona.
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Reply to FloridaDD

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