I know fully well that people with dementia are all different and each one can be different on different days. There is no pattern. The pattern is that there is none. That is what is so frustrating. As her primary caregiver in the sense that I am her son and POA who oversees all financial and medical affairs for her, I see her very often, in the memory care unit of an assisted living facility, pay privately. We can afford it luckily. But lately I get the sense that she is pissed at me personally. I see her act differently with the CNA's than I do with me. And tonight she refused to eat (that never happens) and all of her children and 1 grandchild were here for her 91st birthday. She did not eat lunch either. She was really tired and slept most of the day. Yet last night she was fully alert and talkative with my brother who visits once a year. She recognized his voice and gave a few smiles. It was wonderful to see. Yet today, a 180 degree turn around. At lunch, she just slept through everything. At dinner she did not want to look at us and answered sporadically with one word answers, only if we really pressed an issue. She was grinding her teeth and we think she may have been in pain. But she did not say. Not that she can which is even more frustrating. I don't know if I am taking things too personally, but maybe I am there too much. Or maybe she does not like that I leave and then shows resentment. But i really get the sense she does not want me there a lot of the times, even though I am very loving, hold her hands, give her kisses, tell her I love her, sit with her and play her favorite music etc etc. She cannot walk, and is in a wheelchair full time when she is not in bed. She has macular degeneration and is losing teeth. She is on a pureed diet and losing weight. Yet she is strong as an ox with her system of organs and blood pressure etc. I guess I just want to know if any other close relative experiences these periods of insecurity as if we are being blown off, or punished or given the silent treatment, when in fact it just could be the disease on any given day. This had been going on for 8 years so I am not ignorant in the ravages of this disease. I am just frustrated thinking she may resent me for some reason.

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If you think she's in pain, can you get an order for pain meds to cover that? My mother has great difficulty expressing pain verbally, so we have her on regularly scheduled pain meds.

Dementia=broken brain. There is no way I can fathom what is going on in my mom's head, so I don't try. When I visit, I talk about what's going on in my kids' lives, show her pictures of family members,take her outside, rub her neck. I try not to worry about the response. It's pretty one sided, which is why I don't visit that often.
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