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My father has dementia (diagnosed). He seems perfectly normal most of the time, except for being slightly forgetful. However, there is one very concerning symptom. He's making up these elaborate stories. My mother died nearly 10 years ago and he was content on not looking for someone. Now that he has dementia he has been searching Facebook and every week he tells me he has a new "girlfriend". My siblings and I have noticed on multiple occasions that the conversations he has with these girls are one-sided. He messages them literally hundreds of times and they never reply. The conversations are sometimes dirty, but very detailed. One time he even said he was supposed to meet a girl, but couldn't find her house. They were then going to meet at a public place, but she never showed up. When we have tried to "call him out" on these conversations, he makes up excuses such as "it was just there, they deleted the conversation" or "they're using a fake name". This is really strange because his every day life is completely normal, except for these stories.


My siblings have been discussing deleting his Facebook, but there are mixed thoughts on that. I know of at least one conversation where a woman replied and threatened to call the cops on him, but she blocked him instead. Other times they don't see his messages at all because they're not friends on Facebook or they just outright block him. He then approaches one of us to say he "accidentally blocked someone" and we explain that, no, in fact they blocked him. I don't want him to end up in jail or robbed.


Advice?

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I would not delete his Facebook account because you can at least monitor what is going on. I would send all of his girlfriends a message that says he is being treated by a doctor and ask them to please just block him and apologize for his inappropriate behavior. Tell them that his brain is broken and he is not a true risk. Most people are very understanding when you are honest with them.

Get him checked and seen as Barbbrooklyn said. This could easily be treated and if not, you now have better information with which to make decisions.
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cherokeegrrl54 Mar 2020
Excellent advice!!
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Delete his account. Then tell him there were probably harassment complaints filed against him so FB shut his acct down.

I am surprised they haven't already.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2020
Good point, JoAnn

Yeah, it’s kind of like giving a child something that he isn’t ready for. It’s our responsibility to keep our children safe.

Elderly parents become like our children and we are responsible for them because sometimes they are losing the ability to make proper decisions for themselves.

Role reversal. We become our parent’s parents and they become the children.
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I vote to delete it. It's only a matter of time before a catphishing financial predator finds him. Monitoring his activity is extra work and stress you don't need. Get him a phone with no internet.
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Unfortunately his inappropriate behavior is probably also illegal. I would hate for you to have to unravel that mess if the other party were to press charges. I'd suggest that the phone "break" and you replace it with a flip phone (or kid's phone) or GrandPad where you can restrict who he can contact. "This is all I have, Dad, so it needs to do for now."
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This is what is called a "change in mental status".

Call dad's doctor. He should be tested for a UTI which can cause behavioral symptoms in the elderly with no other signs.

If UTI is ruled out, get dad to a geriatric psychiatrist to figure out the best way to treat these delusions.
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throw the phone.....AWAY... Nope, it's not available anymore.
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Cancel the whole darn internet....
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Make his phone safe for him to use. You are right, all it would take is one scammer to play a con game and that would be it. Facebook has many settings to block people so maybe you could check that out. The question is, would he know?
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Once you said sometimes the messages are sometimes dirty and detailed. Once I read that my mind was made up. You have to prevent him from posting on others sites. And you do not want someone scamming him.
Is there a way that you could set it up just like you would do for a young child? My little grand son is on FB and I KNOW my daughter has pretty tight control. I do not "do" FB so I don't know what controls there are but I know they are there. Just like on my remote for the TV there are channels I can block.
(This is what you really needed isn't it...advice on FB from someone that is clueless! ;) )
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You should secure his Facebook account. Think of those who could really hurt him in a variety of ways also, not to mention what HE has been doing.
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