Can I put my husband in a nursing home?

I can understand you being hesitant on having caregivers come into the house, but I always had excellent caregivers from a licensed Agency, bonded, insured, etc. Yes, expensive but well worth the cost. Also check with a income tax person to see if the cost can be deducted from your income tax.

Try an Agency, they will interview you at your home, and you in turn will be interviewing the Agency. The Agency can send out many caregivers until hubby finds a good match for him. There are also male caregivers, thus if hubby loves to watch sports, they can match him up with a male [or female] caregiver who likes the same hobbies.

By the way, what does hubby want to do? Does he want to go into a nursing home? Does he feel like he's a burden on you? I mean, it wasn't his fault he had a stroke, that could happen to anyone. There's a lot to think about.

Can you afford to put hubby into a nursing home? If you can there should be no problem once you find a bed in a facility you feel will give good care. If you can pay for 6-12 months you can then apply for Medicaid. It is perfectly understandable that you can't do it anymore alone, and it will only get worse. Can he still talk and make his wishes known? Don't let guilt get in the way of what the sensible thing to do is. He can't help getting sick and you can't help being physically unable to care for him properly. let the professionals take over.

Wakemick, as Your Husbands health is in decline, and You are finding it impossible to physically take Care of Him. If You have the means to put Your Husband into a Nursing Home where the Staff will have a Lift and all the equipment necessary to Care for Your Husband, do so without delay as You need to mind Your own health also. Try to choose a Nursing Home near to where You Live so You can visit Him every day,

Bless your heart I understand how you're feeling. I've only been doing this for 2 years and almost every week I throw up my hands and say "I can't do this anymore". And you have been doing it twice as long as me! Again, bless your heart.
Your question was do you need a doctor's referral to admit to a nursing home. I'm not sure, does anyone here have the answer about the process?

Yes, you can anytime you decide. Consult with an elder attorney to see the best way to pay and protect your assets.

This is a very hard situation for you. I think the best thing you can do for your husband is to get him the care that he needs. Most places in the US have elder care agencies that can help you with this. These agencies are often at the County level. If you can't find one yourself, ask a friend or neighbor. If you are a member of a church, you might be able to get help from the pastor or another church member.

Nursing homes are crazy expensive are you sure he might not qualify for a assisted living first? Some of them really do a lot of helping/feeding/dressing etc. The difference in price is huge. Take a hard look at your financial situation with a trusted advisor first so you know what you need to do. Does you husband have any input? It is such a hard decision, sending you prayers for peace!

Wakemick, You do not need a doctor's slip to enter a NH. Most important, do your research of local homes. Go unannounced at various times of day and just quietly walk through the halls, listening, smelling, and watching what's going on without disclosing that you are there to check the place out (that puts them on best behaviors). Go at mealtimes and do the same to hear how they treat the residents who need help eating. When you find homes you like, talk to them to find the best fit financially. They will come do an assessment of your husband and will lead you through placement. I understand about not wanting others in your home. My dad was the same, and there is no condemnation for that! God bless you as you take this next step, and as others have said, don't let guilt come upon you. You will be able to enjoy his company more if you have help. Please keep us informed of how you're both doing!

While checking out all the guidance listed above, you can also visit a few nursing homes and get information from their financial departments. My husband was referred to a nursing home by hospice, and the nursing home was helpful in explaining how the admission process works. The scary part was that the nursing home made me sign a document saying that I would be responsible for private pay if he was found not eligible for Medicaid. After he was in the NH for a few weeks, I learned that he was covered by Medicaid.

Wakemick you sound very overwhelmed. Consider hiring a geriatric care manager. They can asses the situation and help you make the right decisions.

It will take a lot of stress off of you and if you hire someone in your local area - they should be knowledgeable of the services and facilities in your area.

Yes, you have to have a doctor say his condition warrants professional help. Next, you either need to accept caregivers coming into your home to care for him, or if you have lots and lots of money to put him in a nursing home ($4000+ - $8000+ per month) then do that. Pride is a horrible disease...

Yes, you do need a doctor's order and complete assessment of his needs to place him in a nursing home. The facility will evaluate the assessment to determine whether they can provide the level of care needed. It certainly sounds like a nursing home is in order, but perhaps memory care with a higher level of services would work.

Wakemick, you have done an excellent job caring for him for a long time. I would be worn out too. I don't know how you have managed to also hold onto part time work! You have nothing to feel guilty about, as you have done the best you can. There are many excellent facilities check out ratings on the Medicare website and the State's Department of Health.

You should also see an elder law attorney that specializes in Medicaid planning so you are not impoverished, Medicaid does not want that to happen either.

A medical evaluation (prior transfer) is necessary for several reasons: free of disease (TB, etc.), medical conditions + medicines (Diabetes, Blood Pressure, etc.), & Physical-motional challenges. This eval can usually be done by a Dr., Nurse Practitioner or Physician Assistant.

There comes a time when you cannot carry the burden of care-taking by yourself anymore. A few hours of respite through caregivers that come into the home is at first adequate, then even that will be impossible, because your hubby will require assistance day and night. So look for a nursing home now. Nothing, however, will replace your personal, loving care, so be prepared that when you place his care into the hands of others it will leave you frustrated and worried, unless you have the strength to look the other way.

Another thing to remember, if there is a visit to the ER, or a hospitalization, you can refuse to take him home telling the hospital staff his care is more than you can do. They will pressure you to take him home, DO NOT do that. The hospital social worker will get involved to find appropriate placement for him.

Nursing homes are expensive. Depending on is age, if he's on social security and medicare, medicare won't cover it unless there's an immediate need, and that coverage could vary from a week to 100 days. If he's on Medicaid coverage would be limited, probably more so, and if on Medicaid you likely would not have the funds to pay for a facility anywhere from 700.00 to the crazy 9,000.00 per month they charge. Your best bet is to find a good agency to come in the home and give you a break every day. No one wants strangers in their home, but if you don't have family that will help, you really have no choice. Best wishes.

I spent a few hundred dollars putting cameras in the home so I could monitor my husbands care when I'm away and "keeping an eye" on people in the home. I have also found from experience that agency is the best way to go. Yes, more expensive but worth it. I don't know your financial situation but unless you qualify for Medicaid, in home care is by far the least expensive way to go. I have hospice in the mornings to help with bathing, shaving, etc. contact them. If your husband is diagnosed with a disabling disease, they are paid by Medicare. I then hire a caregiver to come in a few hours in the afternoons. She is a lifesaver---cleaning house, cooking, laundry, and helping to change him when he has his accidents. Since my husband sleeps most of the time, evenings are pretty easy for me to handle. The cost of all this is much cheaper than a nursing home and I get to be the wife, not the caregiver, giving me the ability to just love and comfort him in his final days.

I should have clarified that the disabling disease must be terminal but we are all terminal so sometimes there's some leeway there. Also, I meant to tell you how much you remind me of me before I got help. I struggled to try to lift and move my very heavy, dead weight husband (who also had a stroke years ago). All this with an arthritic back which had caused my early retirement. Believe me when I say "I feel your pain."

im sure you are at the end of your rope...and for gods sake...if you feel you would be better off if he was in a convalescent home...DO IT FOR YOUR OWN HEALTH! if you qualify for Medicaid then it won't be as much money! keep us posted.

Contact Medicaid to see if they can help based on ur income. If he is a Vet, he maybe able to get into one of their homes. Medicaid can evaluate for home-care too.

Depending on your husband's illness, u may be able to get Hospice.

I believe that you need a doctor's order to admit your husband to a skilled nursing facility but not to a nursing home. The difference between a nursing home and a skilled nursing facility is the required certifications with medicare and medicaid. Skilled nursing facilities are regulated by the Department of Health and must meet certain standards and pass a yearly survey.

Yes, of course, you can put him in an NH.

Please don't feel guilty about this move. Many times the care in a good nursing home, along with the socialization, help the person gain a new lease on life. In most cases there is a significant adjustment period first, but not always.

When I was speaking at an Alzheimer's function last month a woman came up to me and said that she had made this move. She told me, "Now I can concentrate on just loving the guy - I can be his wife again." In other words, she wasn't so worn out that she couldn't be her best around him.

You don't need a doctor (at least in most states) to help you get someone into a nursing home. Find the best one that you can and if there are no openings ask to be put on a list. You'll have to start out as private pay for a certain amount of time, and then, when you qualify financially, you can have him put on Medicaid.

Best wishes. We'd love to have you keep in touch.
Carol

Wakemick, there is another alternative. An electric lift could solve your problem, it changed my life as I was in the same situation as you are. So many 'agency" people told me that it was not safe to use by one person, which is false. If your husband has medicare, you can ask his doctor for an evaluation for physical and occupational therapy. The evaluation should show that he needs a lift. Medicare will cover a manual lift, then you have to pay an up charge for an electric lift. Alternatively, you can buy a lift online. Lifts run between $1500 to $2500. Where we live, nursing homes cost more than $10,000 per month. I have spent less than that making revisions to my home to keep him here. I figure I will have to spend $3000 to put my bathroom back to normal. Sure beats spending our live savings on a nursing home.