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He had a stroke 4 years ago in march. and has went downhill ever since. He is so heavy for me to pick up and 6ft tall. His right leg is kind of twisted to the side and it's so hard to lift him. I am wore out to I have to keep taking care of him. I dont want anyone strange coming in to the house. I work parttime also. Do I have to have a Doctors slip or some kind of legal paper to put him into a nursing home? I just can't do this anymore!

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Please don't feel guilty about this move. Many times the care in a good nursing home, along with the socialization, help the person gain a new lease on life. In most cases there is a significant adjustment period first, but not always.

When I was speaking at an Alzheimer's function last month a woman came up to me and said that she had made this move. She told me, "Now I can concentrate on just loving the guy - I can be his wife again." In other words, she wasn't so worn out that she couldn't be her best around him.

You don't need a doctor (at least in most states) to help you get someone into a nursing home. Find the best one that you can and if there are no openings ask to be put on a list. You'll have to start out as private pay for a certain amount of time, and then, when you qualify financially, you can have him put on Medicaid.

Best wishes. We'd love to have you keep in touch.
Carol
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Another thing to remember, if there is a visit to the ER, or a hospitalization, you can refuse to take him home telling the hospital staff his care is more than you can do. They will pressure you to take him home, DO NOT do that. The hospital social worker will get involved to find appropriate placement for him.
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Can you afford to put hubby into a nursing home? If you can there should be no problem once you find a bed in a facility you feel will give good care. If you can pay for 6-12 months you can then apply for Medicaid. It is perfectly understandable that you can't do it anymore alone, and it will only get worse. Can he still talk and make his wishes known? Don't let guilt get in the way of what the sensible thing to do is. He can't help getting sick and you can't help being physically unable to care for him properly. let the professionals take over.
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I can understand you being hesitant on having caregivers come into the house, but I always had excellent caregivers from a licensed Agency, bonded, insured, etc. Yes, expensive but well worth the cost. Also check with a income tax person to see if the cost can be deducted from your income tax.

Try an Agency, they will interview you at your home, and you in turn will be interviewing the Agency. The Agency can send out many caregivers until hubby finds a good match for him. There are also male caregivers, thus if hubby loves to watch sports, they can match him up with a male [or female] caregiver who likes the same hobbies.

By the way, what does hubby want to do? Does he want to go into a nursing home? Does he feel like he's a burden on you? I mean, it wasn't his fault he had a stroke, that could happen to anyone. There's a lot to think about.
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I spent a few hundred dollars putting cameras in the home so I could monitor my husbands care when I'm away and "keeping an eye" on people in the home. I have also found from experience that agency is the best way to go. Yes, more expensive but worth it. I don't know your financial situation but unless you qualify for Medicaid, in home care is by far the least expensive way to go. I have hospice in the mornings to help with bathing, shaving, etc. contact them. If your husband is diagnosed with a disabling disease, they are paid by Medicare. I then hire a caregiver to come in a few hours in the afternoons. She is a lifesaver---cleaning house, cooking, laundry, and helping to change him when he has his accidents. Since my husband sleeps most of the time, evenings are pretty easy for me to handle. The cost of all this is much cheaper than a nursing home and I get to be the wife, not the caregiver, giving me the ability to just love and comfort him in his final days.
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Wakemick, as Your Husbands health is in decline, and You are finding it impossible to physically take Care of Him. If You have the means to put Your Husband into a Nursing Home where the Staff will have a Lift and all the equipment necessary to Care for Your Husband, do so without delay as You need to mind Your own health also. Try to choose a Nursing Home near to where You Live so You can visit Him every day,
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Yes, you do need a doctor's order and complete assessment of his needs to place him in a nursing home. The facility will evaluate the assessment to determine whether they can provide the level of care needed. It certainly sounds like a nursing home is in order, but perhaps memory care with a higher level of services would work.

Wakemick, you have done an excellent job caring for him for a long time. I would be worn out too. I don't know how you have managed to also hold onto part time work! You have nothing to feel guilty about, as you have done the best you can. There are many excellent facilities check out ratings on the Medicare website and the State's Department of Health.

You should also see an elder law attorney that specializes in Medicaid planning so you are not impoverished, Medicaid does not want that to happen either.
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There comes a time when you cannot carry the burden of care-taking by yourself anymore. A few hours of respite through caregivers that come into the home is at first adequate, then even that will be impossible, because your hubby will require assistance day and night. So look for a nursing home now. Nothing, however, will replace your personal, loving care, so be prepared that when you place his care into the hands of others it will leave you frustrated and worried, unless you have the strength to look the other way.
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Nursing homes are expensive. Depending on is age, if he's on social security and medicare, medicare won't cover it unless there's an immediate need, and that coverage could vary from a week to 100 days. If he's on Medicaid coverage would be limited, probably more so, and if on Medicaid you likely would not have the funds to pay for a facility anywhere from 700.00 to the crazy 9,000.00 per month they charge. Your best bet is to find a good agency to come in the home and give you a break every day. No one wants strangers in their home, but if you don't have family that will help, you really have no choice. Best wishes.
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I should have clarified that the disabling disease must be terminal but we are all terminal so sometimes there's some leeway there. Also, I meant to tell you how much you remind me of me before I got help. I struggled to try to lift and move my very heavy, dead weight husband (who also had a stroke years ago). All this with an arthritic back which had caused my early retirement. Believe me when I say "I feel your pain."
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