My sister and her husband live four hours from me. They are both 85 yrs old and have serious health issues, although he still drives. He doesn't seem to see or acknowledge my sister's fragility. He even took her home from the nursing facility against medical advice. (In this case, there are some issues that support the removal, but not just showing up and leaving the facility.) He has allowed his two sisters-in-law to check up on them, but the husband does not want any outside assistance, such as home health aides, etc., coming into the home. His sisters-in-law describe him as a stubborn, spoiled child who refuses to listen. He is not capable of managing the needs of the house nor the medication requirements for both him and my sister.
In the meantime, I'm trying to find some time to take off work and drive up to relieve them for a few days. How do we convince the husband to let her get the care she needs? Is an eldercare lawyer the answer?
I agree about the guardianship. However, I'd tread lightly with that. You're stuck with it.
If you haven't called APS, see if they can go in and evaluate the situation. I am surprised the NH allowed him to take her home. They could have claimed "unsafe discharge" if they felt her husband could not care for her.
Is your sister of sound mind? Can you provide the police with support that abuse and withholding of medication is occuring for them to support an immediate APS intervention? You can also contact APS with your concerns but that will be a long process.
Your best bet is to have a hospitalization occur and then a discuss your concerns with the discharge nurse and social worker and they may convince the husband to place your sister in a nursing home.