is she refusing to go to the dr ?

you can write a letter to the dr. prior to the appointment to let the dr. know what your mothers problems are.
you can make her an appointment and at the appointment the dr should be aware ahead of time, so you don't have to ask about dementia in front of your mother.

I never say the word dementia in front of my mother. she'd get very upset. but she has it!

but maybe theres more to the story if youd like to share more info.
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