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My brother sold mums house just before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's then moved her into his house on her own He now tells me I can only see her when he says Tells me to clean the house shower her
There's no windows in the room that I can open with locks no key She doesn't pick her own food they bring in what they want her to have he constantly tells me his house his rules Gives her no money Won't buy food for her dog she wants only what he wants her to have I want care to come in she needs this he says no he's not paying out money out for this Mum as savings pensions coming in he's got POA over her finances I don't care about money just want her to have proper care is his attitude abuse What can I do I'm frightened she is going down hill I want to stop this does POA mean over her health care as well as her money can anyone help me

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I'm done thanks
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ChurchMouse,

You have the patience of a saint. Is it early morning where you are?

It is a bit past midnight here, good nite, CM.

M88
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Lanie I live in rented accommodation too. I have a rich sibling who looks down on me too. What's that got to do with your mother's needs? I don't see why that should stop you cautioning your brother if you feel her needs aren't being met, and telling him what provision is necessary.

Does your mother have income of her own? She will in any case be entitled to the normal state pension, of course, but there are other allowances and benefits that she is equally *entitled* to (no nonsense about being too proud to claim!); and she may also have other state, private, widow's or occupational pensions or annuities.

Did Social Services give you an idea of when they'd get back to you?
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Waiting for them to ring me
No point talking to him I live in rented property he looks down on me he's rich I'm poor
But really I'm the rich one
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You may not be worried about the money but your Local Authority might be. There are rules about things like this. The facts are all a matter of public record. If your brother has played fast and loose beyond what they can turn a blind eye to, he will be pursued for it and they have long memories. I'm not saying this as some kind of judgement on your brother; just make sure he's aware of the realities so that he can put anything right that he needs to. Or don't worry about it - not your problem.

When are Social Services coming to assess your mother's needs?
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S/ s coming to assess her s/housing special needs
House valued at 63.000 he paid mum for it 40 for it
Mum paid 87.000 for it and got 40 for it she agreed
But don't you think she was and is a vuneable adult he took her to the docs and he said she was competent 3 monthes later she was not
I don't think doctors are all that interested .
But not been botherd about money no prob
I'm just trying to show a pic of the sort of man I'm dealing with .
He leaves her short of money won't let her feed her dog
That I got for her the food she's been used to
Won't let her do her own shoping
Or let me take her
She only goes out now in my car or her grandsons car which is my brothers son . Whom until I told him he needs to look after her bank card .
Was taking her money
Which is in my book is stealing .
I did try to speak to him about it but he only said my mum got more of him than his son could get of her
I have tried so very very hard to be polite not talk back
But his emails are insulting rude and unfair
He does not care about our mother
He does not ring for weeks or sees her
His two sons may call from time to time
His wife hardly
I go or ring every day I'm 20/25 minutes away he's just round the Corner 5 mins
He does not want to spend money of hers for care that mum really needs
She forgets to wash eat and drink so she needs care in or moving from his house I had to go over at 9.30 last night her phone rang but no anwser
Not one of them would answer to me they are nearer they could have checked so I went
No problem but it would be nice if they would help me
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Lanie, if your brother thinks he can get away with that no questions asked he's got another think coming. Sounds like he needs better advice as much as you do!

I wouldn't get too hung up on the precise house value. £23,000 - that's an oddly exactly figure to put on it, by the way! Where did you get it? - isn't the kind of amount that a lady with Alzheimers Disease couldn't easily knock off her property through neglect and damage. In the end, in our screwed-up property market, a house is worth what somebody actually pays for it and nobody can really prove any different.

There are literally dozens of organisations you can approach for help. Some are official, if you like, such as your GP, your mother's GP, your local authority and so on. Then there are also all of the advice lines and not for profit organisations that assist with elder care and the protection of vulnerable adults.

So the question is, what do you want to do? If I know what steps you plan to take, I can make better suggestions about who might be able to help you.

If the answer is the same as it was - "get my mother into sheltered housing" - then you know it isn't as simple as that. Get her into sheltered housing of what sort? To be cared for by whom? With a care package provided by whom? With whose agreement and authorisation?

Step 1 is to contact Adult Social Services for your mother's area and find out if she has a case worker. If she has, that person should be your main contact. If she hasn't, you can take the whole story to them from the beginning and they will advise you what your options are.

And listen. If all you really want to do, when all's said and done, is just tell someone how you feel and how worried you are, then that's fine too. But it's less frustrating for us readers if you're clear about what you'd like from us! Hugs to you, feel better.
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No my brother and I have not had a rel-ship for 30y we have a sister same there
My brother took mum One day without telling me and had POA drawn up
No family meeting did it
I was not to bothered becouse I trust him
As far as caring about mum
It's him that insults her.
He bought her house for £23000 less then It's value at that time not telling me
In Dec 2013 in March 2014 mum was told she had alzihmers m
Things have gone down hill from then .
Now he tells me he as bought a new garage out of mums money for his house
To get mums money down so she can get benifits to pay for her care
I don't think he's an honest man
I don't care he can have it all money I don't care about
Mum I do very much
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Lannie,
Please contact the source that Church Mouse speaks about, now, right now. Have you slept well, eaten breakfast and taken your medicine for the bipolar?
You need to be calm, cool and collected when you approach the resources given to you.
Don't ramble on and on. Let the phone people ask you their questions. Just answer the question without jumping to another idea.
Listen carefully to their guidance.
Have a plan in place when you are done talking to them.

I am glad your son is supportive of you.

Call now, tell us how they're going to help you. Thanks,

M88
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No reason why it shouldn't be again, I mean!
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Well. There have been a lot of changes, and changes take a while to settle down. If you had a loving family before there's no reason why it should be again, once everyone has adapted to what's going on.

Dementia is hard to cope with, you know. Your brother probably thinks he's doing the best thing for your mum. But for one thing, he will have a lot to learn - this is early days, and nobody really understands what they're dealing with when they take it on. And for another, it's possible that he loves your mother but doesn't like her very much at the moment. He'll need support to adjust and learn how to look after her well, too.

But meanwhile I'm more worried about you. There aren't any crisis lines open now that I can see, but if you need to talk things through with someone you can call the Samaritans on 116 123 - they run a listening service, it isn't only for people who are suicidal or thinking about self-harm. Feel better, hugs to you.
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Thank you for your replays I just can not believe this is happening I wish for a loveing family where we all pull together
I want to run away turn my back but I can not I feel trapped if I stay it's hell if I go it's hell I love my mum and hate the disrespect how she adored him he was her special boy
It's as though he as no feeling for her
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Lanie, do you have a key worker? I can hear you getting more and more stressed, and I would like you to talk to somebody straight away.
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He as even come down on me for asking his son who was going to the shop to buy tenor lady's I asked if it was ok he said it was he's 36y old ???
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No one as assessed mum I have rang to get this done
My brother doesn't want it done reason I don't know
I have a son who's is great he's there for me
I have cared for others in my life I hate abuse of the elderly
I'm finding this hard it's my mum now I just don't understand how he as made all his money
Yet knows so little about Alzheimer's
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My brother as been away working he emailed me saying I had been rude to his wife I have kept ringing his son at work
Both untrue rubbish
I don't know which way to turn
He's cruel nasty to me unfeeling telling me what I can do and can not do
It's a nightmare
I ask him what have I done wrong to be treat like this no response at all I feel mum is unsafe neglected they don't seam to understand Alzheimer's
For him to say mum does nothing just sits around all day and stuffs her face is disgusting
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Lanie, take a deep breath.

It's late and you must be tired - I know I am.

In the morning, call Adult Social Care and ask to speak to a social worker about your elderly mother who has dementia and lives alone. Tell her or him what the situation is and what you'd like done. What you would like is for someone to visit your mother and assess her care needs, yes?

The only thing is, that I think it is incredibly unlikely that this has not already been done.

So another option would be for you to think carefully about this: your mother's illness, and her new living arrangements in your brother's house, are both a very big deal. These are major changes that are very stressful for you to adapt to. So, who's looking after you? Who do you turn to for help and support when life is difficult?
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He does not want to pay any one coming in or sheltered Housing
I can not do this 7 days a week she's on her own no friends doesn't go out only when taken she's not safe
If she rings them no one answers
A box was put in
She had to wear a don't know what you call them
She would press and it tell us she needs help
It comes to me first him second ??? I'm 20/25 mins away he's 5 ???
It does not work she won't wear it ???
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I don't report things to the police
I have bipolar (only)
Yes I care for her but she won't shower thinks she is washing but not
I ring every day I'm not there ion fact every day sometimes more .
I'm the only one that does this
She is to be assessed I want her to go into sheltered housing to be safe as she leaves her door unlocked .
I want a care package to go in there is only me caring
Yes others visit now and again
My brother is 5 mins down the road I'm 20/25 mins away .. Mum won't let me help assist her to shower becouse I'm her daughter.
She lives on her own with her pet
The police took no notice of my concerns my brother is a very very rich man
Tells me that mum lives in his house as his guest
That I have to abide by his ruling.
Which at times is unreasonable unfair mum as a dog I have a tiny dog I'm not allowed to bring even though she loves him .
I can not put up a pic even if it's just the same way as he does
I can not stay over more then one night a week mum never goes to there's
His wife never sits chats or does anything for mum
I have never had a fall out with my brother in 30 years I feel his attitude is unreasonable
I'm told to do as I'm told not argue
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Churchmouse, very thorough and helpful answer.
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Is his attitude abuse?

If his attitude is as you describe and your mother is as capable as you describe, then yes: he is neglecting her right to autonomy; there may also be financial abuse.

He does not need to hire carers for your mother as long as she is adequately cared for by family members. Is she?

There are two types of Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK: LPA for Finance, and LPA for Health & Welfare. For either to be valid, your mother must have drawn up the documents while she was still capable. Her signature on the document has to be witnessed by an independent person, and her understanding of what she is doing must also have been certified by someone with the correct authority - her GP, her solicitor, someone like that. A family member cannot be a witness and cannot certify capacity.

That's not all. As part of the process, an LPA has to be registered with the Office of the Public Guardian. At that point, the OPG will notify anybody recorded as a Person To Be Told. This gives other friends or family members the opportunity to object to an LPA coming into force - for example, because they know that the representative has a conviction for fraud, or because they disagree that the vulnerable person has lost capacity.

But let's say that the registration process has gone ahead and your brother does have valid, registered Lasting Powers of Attorney for both Finance and for Health & Welfare. If you believe that he is misusing his authority, you can still report it to the OPG. If you believe that your mother is being neglected, you can report it to the Adult Safeguarding team at your local authority. You can also report this to your own GP, who as a health practitioner is obliged to pass on your concerns. You can go to your local library and ask them for information about relevant organisations near you.

So, lots of options there.

Finally, back to your original question: can you get your mother into sheltered housing or have a carer go in. You can't, no; but Social Services will review your mother's situation and suggest options if they agree that she is not being adequately looked after.
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Lanie, in another post you said that your brother had nastily asked you if you had taken your tablets. Ok, I'm sorry for his using that against you, it was mean of him; but just to get the picture clearer are you in fact dealing with mental health issues of your own?

Here's the thing. What the policeman told you about the person with LPA having to report an allegation is obvious nonsense. On the contrary,we've all seen the reams of leaflets lying around the place - GPs' surgeries, hospitals, police stations, even supermarkets - informing the public that reporting abuse of vulnerable people is EVERYBODY'S responsibility. So certainly the policeman would have known that.

So why would the policeman feel the need to tell you this tara-tiddle, and fob you off? Do you quite often report things to the police?

This question is important: are you living with your mother in your brother's house?

If not, who is living there permanently as your mother's primary carer?

I'm going to start another post now to give you direct answers to your direct questions.
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Ahh, you are not in the US, I do not know your elderly care system. There are some here that are in Britain. They may find this thread.
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Also reported it to the police
And they said becouse my brother had POA he had to report it ????? His own son no way yes I'm in the uk where crime does pay its disgusting uk gone to the wall ashamed to be British
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No won't do that she as lost the understanding of POA Kees asking why neil as her bank card I wanted him to take it becouse his son was going out for tea on A Friday night she was drawing £200 on them nights and only had 20 /30 in her purse the day after he was stealing it from her so best it was taken away so he couldn't take it
My brother knew this and did nothing
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Contact Adult Protective Services they may be able to help. What did bro do with proceeds from her house? That money is for her care. You couod pursue guardianship but is a long and expensive process. Like Baba said if she is just diagnosed she probably is still competent to change her POA's. There are different rules in different states. In mine, there are separate POA's for financial and medical.
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Are you in the US?

Is mom still competent? She can change POA if she chooses.

I woulld call your ocal area agency on aging and seek their advice.
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