Can I get medical POA? I have been doing all of that aspect of care for 5 years and now I'm being shut out by my brother.


My Mom lives with my brother. I have actually taken her to every doctor appointment, eye, ear, or general, for the last 12 years since she quit driving, over the last 5 years, her mind has really slipped, my brother, my mom, and I have always been in agreement on things, but now my brother drove her to her bank and had her block me from her account, which I could care less about, but he also goes out, and doesnt call me or anyone else to say he is leaving, so she is alone, I fell this is unsafe, and he denies it, he puts a note by the phone(which she has no clue how to use now) with 911 on it. He made a Dr appointment just because, then after talking to me realized she didnt need the appointment. I have always took care of her medications, dementia, diabetes, and high blood pressure, but now since its his house, he is telling me nothing, I am a nurse, he has a history of drug and alcohol abuse, and he has no clue about certain things. She had a stroke a year ago, I stayed with her in the hospital the whole time, when we came home, and my brother who lived with her worked, my neighbor sat with her anytime I called, so she would never be alone, now my brother doesnt work, and he is there for the most part, but refuses to call me to sit with her. Can I get medical POA over her in this situation, I dont want her money or that side of things, only whats best for her. I would love for her to stay where she is comfortable which is her home, but I am at a loss. Her doctors and all of the staff to that aspect, havent ever even seen my brother, and now that her memory is pretty far gone, he wants to take over.

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If your mother's memory is 'pretty far gone' then I doubt if she would have the mental capacity required to give you medical POA, and nobody else can. There are other options though, many good ones already suggested. Did your brother take offence about some event in particular? Why do you think he's being so defensive?
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Medical POA won't help in this situation. Medical POA is for making healthcare decisions on behalf of your loved one if she/he is unable to make them.

Who has POA over your mom?

If her memory is indeed "pretty far gone" she won't be able to sign for a POA, medical POA, or DNR. You'll have to work with what you've got.

You can go for guardianship over your mom if your brother is no longer reliable but then he'll have to move out of your mom's house and mom will have to move somewhere else. It may be time to start looking at nursing homes.
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Lovmymom - If your brother goes through all your mom's finances and you end up having to pay for her upkeep you will then be concerned about that side of things.
You say your brother has a history of neglect and now wants to shut you out. If you really love your mom and care at all about yourself you had better take action soon. APS, Social Services, whatever it takes.
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It would be a good idea for a Social Worker to assess the situation. TN Dept of Human Services - Cocke County -. 330 Heritage Boulevard Suite A Newport, TN 37821. (423) 623-1291.
It is not safe for her to be alone. You are probably already her Health Care Proxy if you have been going with her to doctor's visits. As a Nurse, you are a mandated reporter for a risky situation, I think you know that.
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Just curious what good you think her medical power of attorney will make in the situation you describe. If you believe your mom is unsafe under his care, call Adult Protective Services and report it. They will investigate. If mom's dementia has progressed to moderate from mild, she should not be left alone.

It may be time to place her...for you to move in in the place of your brother...for you to take her into your home to care for her. If you involve APS, they will have some useful recommendations.

If they think there's a good chance that your mom has dementia beyond the point of being competent and also believe she is unsafe in her environment with your brother caring for her, they may recommend your obtaining guardianship for your mom. THAT gives you all the power you'd need.

Medical POA? NotSoMuch.
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