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He has become emotionally and verbally abusive to me and my fiance and we can't take it

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I feel you have some moral obligation. I would contact social services so they can keep an eye on him.
Carol
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Indeed contact social services and inform them that you can lo longer care for him and they need to take over.
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You're welcome, sweetheart. And I understand the stress you are both feeling...you and your dad. How sad for you. I'm sorry about the loss of your mom. And how sad for your dad, too. However, his problems don't give him the right to take things out on you. That's just what "they" do, sometimes.

I understand you needing relief from all the emotional pain and grief you are experiencing. And that is absolutely essential for you. Leave now if personal safety is an issue, going to a shelter if you have to.

But I also see your father as having legitimate needs to be addressed, as well. If he cannot fend for himself, get some help from someone in caring for his needs. (Through Social Services, APS, etc.) Then, go in relative peace, and care for your own needs. Psych meds won't take away your need for personal responsibility, and may only mask the underlying issues you need to face. Getting wise counsel may do wonders. Choose carefully! Will be praying for you.
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I agree and make sure social service knows how you were treated and that you are not going back into that situation no deserves to be treated badly-good for standing up for yourself
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Meanwhile, read "Elder Rage" for ideas on handling abusive parent.
http://www.elderrage.com
In this case, they changed the father's meds and that made all the difference.
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Chrystal, sorry to hear about your trouble. Can relate. What is his diagnosis? Has he always been like this? So sad. Take care, and best wishes. Let us know how things work out for you and your dad.

AlzCaregiver, Thank you for sharing the above link.
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I'm not a lawyer, but yes and no is the answer.

Have you claimed him as a dependent on your taxes? Has he lived and depended on you for more than 3 months? Then yes, abandonment can be raised. But truth be told, WHO, would file that suit? Other siblings? Who currently has power of attorney? Who controls the finances? If there is any possibility of you having financial gain from leaving, then yes - it can be an issue.

First-things-first, however, he should be getting counseling or seeing a doc to see if meds or other treatment helps. And get help from social services, etc. If you're at the point of leaving, then it's also time to be bringing in help.

If he can take care of things on his "own," he has all legal control, like not having given anyone Power of Attorney, has been determined to have capacity by a physician, then he is just an adult. You can leave any adult.

Forget the "morals" of it. U.S. law gives you no special privileges as a daughter, nor does it impose any obligations.
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My cousin's father became abusive and mean but he never took any meds. He was just kind of nuts. He got mad and he left the house and put on a suicide vest and blew himself up and 32 bystanders!!
He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and SeeFore syndrome (he had a strange compulsion to blow himself up!). When the Al Queda boys got hold of him and told him all kinds of things they fired him up and the rest is history!! We were able to bury him in a shoe box cause he blew the rest of himself up!!
It was a cheap funeral anyway ... but messy!!
Hasseem el-Rafsanjani
Tikrit, Iraki Republic
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Hasseem, you win the Story Prize with that one.
How are seniors treated in Tikrit? Are there traditional ways of which family members care for their parents when they are old and frail? I guess the tread is about abandoning a parent once you have started to care for him...in the original poster's case, because the father is abusive.
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To secret sister he is legally blind and has had four eye surgeries and is diabetic, has heart disease and congestive heart failure , depression and has had his right foot amputated and two toes of his left. he cant walk wasted money on a prostetic that he dont even attempt to wear and wont help my fiance out with expenses. my mother was 50 and passed on fourth of july in 2008 and i took care of her . Me and my fiance dont need the stress being we just moved and when his father got us into the border of florida he suffered a massive heart attack so yeah i need to nip this problem before i need the pschy meds. thank you for consolement.
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