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My step-Father is literally a road block with every health care decision I want to make for my Mother. My step-Father can hardly walk because of back issues, he refuses to use a walker, he falls all the time and he has rubber bones. He refuses to talk about a care facility. He cannot remember to give my Mother her medication because he drinks at night. My step-Father cannot take care of my Mother and my Mother cannot take care of him. I have Medical and Durable POA over the both of them. I would like my Mother to go to a memory care facility where she would get regular meals and care. I work full-time and cannot take care of her. I have a care-giver coming into their house every Tuesday night to fix dinner. (That's all my step-Dad would allow). My Mother is so tiny, she's not getting good nutrition and she's not drinking enough liquids. HELP! All 6 of my sisters live out of state and refuse to come help.

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that's what we're wondering about with mil remarrying
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I would say not unless you totally want to fight her husband. If you want to fight her husband then go for it
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Hummingbirds02: Good for you for your decision. You should contact APS for your mother's neglect. Good grief-she needs to take her prescribed meds.
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Hi Hummingbirds
I think you have gotten good advice to speak with your Mother’s physician as well as to a lawyer who has experience in this area. Not all lawyers have the relevant experience. Let us know how things work out, or if you need support. I know what a stressful time this must be for you. I am sure you feel the worry constantly.
Margaret
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I would also alert Adult Protection Services of her condition and neglect. Here in MN, when a person phones them, they have to come and do a welfare check on the person and can make recommendations as to the steps needed to be taken to improve things. They interviewed both of my married friends for whom I am their DPOA after I phoned, got the husband to give up his driving license and keys since his license had been revoked and clued me in on about how long the wife would last based on her frontal temporal dementia stage. I hired an in-home care giver to come twice a week at first for 3 hours a day and I was there each time and amazed at her skills and energy. When the wife needed 24 hour care due to incontinence and wandering away, I used this agency again until I could get them placed in a one bedroom memory care apartment. While a friend took them out to breakfast and then to have their nails done, a transitions company and I moved their bedroom and den furniture to their new apartment and set it up just like their town home. When they came to their new apartment and everything look so familiar, the husband sat down with a sigh of relief and has been happy there ever since (since June, 2015). No more worries on my part. The care there is excellent and he is still happy to be there and just misses his wife.
A place like that takes care of the drinking issue and medications-on-time problems and having decent food. I hope you find a pathway forward and a place for them as good as the one I was able to find. I checked out 8 or 9 AL facilities to find this really good one--the only one that had apartments large enough for two people.
This isn't cheap, but with retirement income still coming in, long term care insurance each month and their savings, I have managed so far. Their town home is almost ready to sell and that will add to his savings and provide another 16 months or so of payments. And I have another year or more of his IRA investments to tap. After that, his veterans' payments will be accepted, even though they come to much less than what he is now being billed for. But, that he is safe and well tended to, as was his wife, answered a lot of concerns for me.
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I also vote for not getting into guardianship, as your POA's already provide for the solution to getting care. Take a close look at the wording of the POA's as to when they go into affect. For example, the wording may state it became affect 'immediately', or it may state 'upon disability'. Act accordingly, but I would suggest the guidance of an Elder Care Attorney so your actions are based on legal ground.

The fact that your step-father drinks is also a challenge for your mother's well-being. He isn't using proper judgment pertaining to the realities of their needed care, and also makes him less suitable as a decision maker, so don't fear using your POA's to make decisions. Consulting with an elder care attorney will give you more confidence regarding your decisions. ;-)
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Elder Law attorney for sure. I think your POA's trump his being legal next of kin being her spouse...gosh life gets messy. Will be interesting if you go down this path to become guardian if any of your unwilling to help siblings get involved. I wonder if an Adult Protective Services visit might be of any help?
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Is your mom willing to go to a memory care facility? btw, love your hummingbird avatar; is there a reason for using it?
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You have DPOA and that should be fine to accomplish what is best for your mother and step father. Why get the courts involved and potentially contested by your siblings? Guardianship takes aways the rights of the individual in a major way. Does your mother and step father deserve that? You sound like you have their best interests at heart. Talk to your mother's MD about your concerns. I would advise to not go for guardianship because is it not necessary at this point and just adds more stress when the courts are involved. Find a good elder law attorney to make sure you are acting appropriately as DPOA and keep track of everything you do and spend. Keep your siblings informed even though they are not involved. Be transparent. You never know who may accuse you of something nefarious so have a clean paper trail. Families change when caregiving and dementia impact them and you may see sides of your siblings you never knew existed. Good luck.
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Maybe if your mom's Dr understands the situation and can verify that she needs to live in a memory care community...should not remain in current home situation...then that will give your POA a power boost. That's what I experienced....in various situations...social security...legal...medical...situations. Good luck.
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Yes you can. The spouse or your siblings can contest you, but you can still try and win.
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Thank you all! I know what my next step is.
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Your POAs give u the right. But check with a lawyer.
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I'd get a legal consult to find out what's involved. The attorney can advise what evidence you need. Sometimes, with seniors, one spouse is not able to function as a proper guardian. I'd explore that. It's not all that expensive in some places and normally heard before a judge within 30 days. An attorney who regularly litigates in those type of matters, should be able to provide details. There are also measures for urgent situations.  And if you prevail...I'd inquire if you can get your legal fees reimbursed, if money is available.
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Hi Hummingbirds, sorry your post didn't get an answer sooner. Anyone can petition for guardianship, it doesn't have to be a spouse or even a family member, but it can be a lengthy and expensive process. You might try searching the site for previous threads you might find helpful, I'll start you off with an AgingCare article on the subject:

www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-guardianship-of-elderly-parents-140693.htm
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