Can I get a companion to come in 1x a week to give me a break and entertain her?

And she shouldn't sell her house and move because ... ? Selling and moving into some level of care community might be awesome for her. Your profile says she has dementia. Living alone beyond the earliest stages of dementia is unusual. My husband could not have lived alone at any point in his dementia journey; my mother made it a few years with LOTS of support.

At some point your mother is going to need more than the 3 hours you can give her. Maybe hiring in-home help is a good answer for that. Or maybe having her live where there is staff available 24 hours and monitored activities would be best.

She only wants you. Well, as my mother (and probably yours) said over and over as we grew up, we can't always have what we want. We need to make the best of what we can have.

Start by hiring a companion. Some people introduce this is a sneaky way. "My good friend's cousin needs some more work hours and I told her we'd try her out here. It is a kindness and maybe you'll like having someone around here a bit." Some people are more forthright. "I know you don't like being alone so much but I can't come over all the time. This woman is going to help us both." Do whatever you think will work.

But also start thinking ahead. What are you going to do when Mom really can't be on her own all day and all night, even with a few hours of help? Selling the house and moving might be something worth thinking hard about.

You are dealing with dementia, for sure. Early phase is confused, manipulative, demanding and angry. Medications may help get through this phase. If she cannot pass a mini-mental exam, seek Guardianship.

Encourage her to move. Try a month at Assisted Living, we told mom it was like a cruise, it just never leaves the dock. Activities, bus trips, meals, a maid. She packed for a month and went. She loved it and decided to stay. Just don't take her back to the house, she will change her mind.

Dementia creates delusions, often quite fantastic in nature. Mom tells cousins she is moving back home and that the nurse who is living in her apartment will take care of her. She is at Assisted Living and has no idea where she is. We could tell her she is in Connecticut.

A Guardian has the legal power to move her to a memory care facility once the Judge has granted you a court order to protect the person and the property. A DPOA certainly allows you to manage her affairs, but only in accordance with her wishes. The problem is that as dementia advances, the patient is no longer able to make safe choices, or rational ones. Often elders sell the house and give everything away, which leaves them broke, homeless and unable to get Medicaid because they made poor choices. In many cases, had Guardianship been obtained, the elder would have been protected from that.

Your mom really isn't the boss. Dementia has robbed her of her ability to make rational decisions and someone who can't make rational decisions is not "the boss". The fact that your mom wants to sell her house and move to CT when there's no one there for her is an indication of the progress of the dementia. As is the rotten food in the fridge and the dirty plate in the silverware drawer. That she can still apply makeup and put on jewelry doesn't mean anything. I had a patient once who put her beautiful, expensive outfit on over her pajamas. She too was decked out in jewelry and makeup. She looked beautiful and totally normal until the pajama top started to snake its way out of her designer blouse.

Since you are the one who is caring for her, that would make YOU the boss. If you need to supplement her care with an in-home companion then that's what you need to do and if your mom doesn't like it then you can let her know that there are things in your life that you need to take care of as well and it's either a companion a couple of times a week or you and she can begin looking at assisted living facilities. One way or another you're going to have to tend to your own life.

I know that's easier said than done but when elderly people with dementia put their foot down on accepting assistance compromises have to be made if they want to continue to stay in their home.

What kind of diagnosis/status has Mom gotten from her doctors? Are there doctors ready to state that she is no longer able to make safe decisions for herself?

Jeannegibbs, mom was diagnosed with dementia in late 2011. So.... that was 3 years ago..... She was 88 at the time, and is 91 now. The doctor told me she would do better living at an assisted living facility... that she really shouldn't live alone; but I told him since I am across the street and am with her every afternoon and make her supper and count her pills, take care of her bills with her account, etc., that she was okay. I don't work so I am pretty much available to help. And mom was adamant (and still is) about not wanting any part of assisted living. she wants to remain in her house. Hey, that's fine by me as long as we can do it. She still makes her own breakfast and washes the dishes. She still takes her own sponge bath, she applies makeup, puts on her clothes, washes laundry, and folds clothes. She also takes care of her puppy, and always remembers to put jewelry on..... the problem is these odd things that are starting... like finding rotten food in the fridge, and finding a ceramic plate pushed into the silverware drawer.... the house is so full you cannot move in there and when I mention it she yells at me and tells me it is her house and she's in charge; so being in control is a big deal for her. She also wants people SHE chooses to come and stay or visit... like our cousin, Linda, who is in CT and doesn't even call to ask how she's doing... Linda never calls mom anymore. She has her own issues and lives 1000 miles away... Mom has no friends, WANTS no friends, and certainly wants no help. She wants me. And if I take a day to get her paperwork in order and work here at home, God forbid, she lays on the guilt and actually begins to say, "I have to think about myself now... I may have to sell the house and leave, Paula..." And I just roll my eyes and groan. Thankfully today we are back on track going to dentist. She broke her partial. She has literally asked me 10x in 3 days the same questions... so I think she had another mini stroke or something... ugh!

Eyerishlass - great advice! I appreciate all of you taking the time to answer me. BUT what do you do when you say it's going to be assisted living, or you need to accept having a companion a day or two a week.... and she says, NEITHER! I am moving! Then what? The guardianship? I mean she's making it kind of hard, but I know she doesn't mean to make it hard..... the whole thing is hard.

Tell her good luck and hand her the phone number to a real estate agent in CT.

In the meantime while your mom is spinning her wheels on that, hire a caregiver. When you find one tell your mom when the caregiver will be there (but don't tell her too much ahead of time). It might be a good idea if you're there the first time although caregivers have experience in dealing with clients who don't want them around. Your mom won't hurt the caregiver's feelings. If you go with an agency you can tell them that your mom is less than thrilled at having someone in the home and the agency may be able to send out their sweetest, most charming caregiver. Maybe someone who's over 30 and may have some things in common with your mom. Your mom may end up loving it. It's happened before.

I know it's difficult. Guardianship is always an option but try to do this without guardianship first. It may work out and you will have saved a bundle on attorney's fees.

Your mom is losing her independence which is a) very difficult and scary to her and b) driving you nuts having to be the 'bad guy' and the one who makes all the decisions. Many elderly people live their lives kicking and screaming against change and hollering whenever they feel threatened. Be loving but firm.

Do you really think it's possible for your mom to move on her own?