Can I get a companion to come in 1x a week to give me a break and entertain her?

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I am DPOA over mom's health and finances.
She is being too demanding of my time. I am with her between 12 and 3 every day of the week for 4 years now. I needed one (1 !!!) day to do her stock paperwork and filing today. I told her this. Just got a call @ 7:00 pm that she is lonely, blames me, and wants to move.
I am ready to put some of her money into a companion.
I am an only child.
I have two teens, and frankly, I'm sick of running ragged for everyone and entertaining her. We go to stores for no reason. I just get her out. Once she said, "I don't care if we drive around the block 10x. I need to get out."
She refuses senior center activities unless I am with her.
I am 48 and cannot work because she will threaten to sell her home if I am not at her beckon call.
She forgot I told her I would need today to do her paperwork.
Now she is yelling at me and telling me she needs to start thinking about herself.
I told her (and I regret saying it) that that is one thing she has never had a problem doing.
And it is the 11000% truth.
I'm tired, I'm pissed, and I'm wondering:
Can I get a companion to come in 1x a week to give me a break and entertain her?
What if she throws them out?
It will piss her off to no end. She only wants me.
She's threatening to sell the house and move again...... God help me.
I don't think she can, but still.
(half the time she doesn't know what month it is.)
help ?

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Tell her good luck and hand her the phone number to a real estate agent in CT.

In the meantime while your mom is spinning her wheels on that, hire a caregiver. When you find one tell your mom when the caregiver will be there (but don't tell her too much ahead of time). It might be a good idea if you're there the first time although caregivers have experience in dealing with clients who don't want them around. Your mom won't hurt the caregiver's feelings. If you go with an agency you can tell them that your mom is less than thrilled at having someone in the home and the agency may be able to send out their sweetest, most charming caregiver. Maybe someone who's over 30 and may have some things in common with your mom. Your mom may end up loving it. It's happened before.

I know it's difficult. Guardianship is always an option but try to do this without guardianship first. It may work out and you will have saved a bundle on attorney's fees.

Your mom is losing her independence which is a) very difficult and scary to her and b) driving you nuts having to be the 'bad guy' and the one who makes all the decisions. Many elderly people live their lives kicking and screaming against change and hollering whenever they feel threatened. Be loving but firm.

Do you really think it's possible for your mom to move on her own?
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Eyerishlass - great advice! I appreciate all of you taking the time to answer me. BUT what do you do when you say it's going to be assisted living, or you need to accept having a companion a day or two a week.... and she says, NEITHER! I am moving! Then what? The guardianship? I mean she's making it kind of hard, but I know she doesn't mean to make it hard..... the whole thing is hard.
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Your mom really isn't the boss. Dementia has robbed her of her ability to make rational decisions and someone who can't make rational decisions is not "the boss". The fact that your mom wants to sell her house and move to CT when there's no one there for her is an indication of the progress of the dementia. As is the rotten food in the fridge and the dirty plate in the silverware drawer. That she can still apply makeup and put on jewelry doesn't mean anything. I had a patient once who put her beautiful, expensive outfit on over her pajamas. She too was decked out in jewelry and makeup. She looked beautiful and totally normal until the pajama top started to snake its way out of her designer blouse.

Since you are the one who is caring for her, that would make YOU the boss. If you need to supplement her care with an in-home companion then that's what you need to do and if your mom doesn't like it then you can let her know that there are things in your life that you need to take care of as well and it's either a companion a couple of times a week or you and she can begin looking at assisted living facilities. One way or another you're going to have to tend to your own life.

I know that's easier said than done but when elderly people with dementia put their foot down on accepting assistance compromises have to be made if they want to continue to stay in their home.
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Jeannegibbs, mom was diagnosed with dementia in late 2011. So.... that was 3 years ago..... She was 88 at the time, and is 91 now. The doctor told me she would do better living at an assisted living facility... that she really shouldn't live alone; but I told him since I am across the street and am with her every afternoon and make her supper and count her pills, take care of her bills with her account, etc., that she was okay. I don't work so I am pretty much available to help. And mom was adamant (and still is) about not wanting any part of assisted living. she wants to remain in her house. Hey, that's fine by me as long as we can do it. She still makes her own breakfast and washes the dishes. She still takes her own sponge bath, she applies makeup, puts on her clothes, washes laundry, and folds clothes. She also takes care of her puppy, and always remembers to put jewelry on..... the problem is these odd things that are starting... like finding rotten food in the fridge, and finding a ceramic plate pushed into the silverware drawer.... the house is so full you cannot move in there and when I mention it she yells at me and tells me it is her house and she's in charge; so being in control is a big deal for her. She also wants people SHE chooses to come and stay or visit... like our cousin, Linda, who is in CT and doesn't even call to ask how she's doing... Linda never calls mom anymore. She has her own issues and lives 1000 miles away... Mom has no friends, WANTS no friends, and certainly wants no help. She wants me. And if I take a day to get her paperwork in order and work here at home, God forbid, she lays on the guilt and actually begins to say, "I have to think about myself now... I may have to sell the house and leave, Paula..." And I just roll my eyes and groan. Thankfully today we are back on track going to dentist. She broke her partial. She has literally asked me 10x in 3 days the same questions... so I think she had another mini stroke or something... ugh!
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What kind of diagnosis/status has Mom gotten from her doctors? Are there doctors ready to state that she is no longer able to make safe decisions for herself?
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A Guardian has the legal power to move her to a memory care facility once the Judge has granted you a court order to protect the person and the property. A DPOA certainly allows you to manage her affairs, but only in accordance with her wishes. The problem is that as dementia advances, the patient is no longer able to make safe choices, or rational ones. Often elders sell the house and give everything away, which leaves them broke, homeless and unable to get Medicaid because they made poor choices. In many cases, had Guardianship been obtained, the elder would have been protected from that.
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If I choose to seek guardianship, how does me already being her financial and medical DPOA play into that?
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Mom just told me tonight again "NO STRANGERS IN THE HOUSE except family!!!" (Um, there is no other family besides me...) But she made it crystal clear nobody else was allowed, and she is the boss. :/
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I just brought her dinner over after I had typed this initial question. I walked in the door and it was about 7:30 or so...? She asked me if it was 7:30 in the morning. I said no it's getting dark, it's 7:30 at night I brought you some supper. She said, I just ate breakfast! I can't eat that! Then she asked 4 more times if it was night or morning. I guess she had taken a nap and then woke up confused. I went into her silverware drawer and found a dinner plate in there too... I wonder if she is losing ground..
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Ah. Yes, moving to another state would be a problem, wouldn't it? But you could use her talking about it to get enthusiastic about moving to somewhere there would be people around all the time.

Living right across the street MAY allow her to stay "independent" (i.e., only dependent on you) for longer than most dementia patients. But you have to consider your own level of health and availability, too. It is not too soon to start thinking ahead to a care center of some kind, and it is certainly time to bring in some in-home help.

Would it help you both if you spread your own in-person care time out a little? An hour in the morning, and hour during or after lunch, an hour in the evening (maybe helping her to bed)? I'm wondering if this would make her feel less alone and also be less overwhelming to you. And then substitute a companion for one of those slots. ("Betty is going to start coming to get your lunch ready for you each day. And maybe you two can play 500 after that")
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