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If the time comes, and it will eventually come, some decisions will have to be made regarding mom and the moderate/severe dementia stage she is in. The paranoia and everyday afternoon hallucinations are still out of whack! The antipsychotics that she is on definitely mellow her out but the hallucinations and paranoia still rage on. If 88-year-old mom doesn't want to go into a memory care home situation, and I am her dual POA with letter of incompetence/dementia from her doctor, can I put her in a memory care facility against her will? Do memory care facilities know how to handle this situation? I do not wish to do the dump and run ER thing. I'd like to handle this situation with some sort of dignity intact, but at the same time I don't want to totally lose my mind. Thinking hard on what avenues to take for the future since this situation is only going to get worse.

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It depends on your POA document. My mother's gave me the power to make decisions for her. My POA restricts my designate to implementing my decisions: they have to get a guardianship to "force" anything I do not choose.
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My Dh has POA for his mom and this is good news to me.

While at this point, and going forward, the plan is to keep her at home with the kids giving care--I'm seeing some fissures in the plan. It may become necessary for DH to stand up and be a big boy and have his mom placed.

She lives alone and is by no means 'independent'.

So--the 2 kids who do NOT have POA can't stop this, should it come to this? Dh does not understand his rights/responsibility as POA, he defers to YS on everything and she is making some really big mistakes.
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A good POA document will enumerate your powers one by one, in fact often numbered. So read your (hopefully attorney written) POA document. Normally, with a good document the answer is absolutely and completely YES. You are responsible for all financial management and record keeping and for placement as you feel best, especially with the letters as written.
IF you were to have any problem it would be short work, often a call from a social worker to a judge to get temporary (later permanent) guardianship or conservatorship. This is why the easiest and best placements are often done FROM hospital (the dread ER dump) to nursing facility.
If you have questions about your powers under POA see either the attorney who drew up the document or any good elder law attorney; the POA pays for this expert guidance and help.

Wishing you good luck; hoping you will update us. Begin collecting the assets together for care, and exploring options for care.
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Yes, you can place her. She can no longer make informed decisions concerning her care. I would not tell her that she is going into memory care. I did not tell my Mom until we got there. We told her she was going to an apt of her own and would be making new friends. Did this for the AL and the LTC facility later.

Seems to me the med she is on is not working. You need to talk to her doctor about still having the hallucinations and paranoia.
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Yes, you can and most likely should start your research now. My brother and I toured 15 homes before selecting the one(s) for my mother and stepmother, one for AL the other for MC.

Both facilities understood and everything went smoothly.
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