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My apologies if this question has already been addressed on this website. Mom has Alzheimer's, mild to moderate stage I think. She's believes she is managing all by herself. My husband and I and our grandchild we are raising moved in with her six months ago (she has a larger home) believing then it was easier to keep tabs of her and caring for her house if we lived there instead of me managing our home and hers. We quickly realized she was worse memory-wise than we thought. I've hired my husband to hang out and keep an eye on her during the day, and to get the mail before she does so she doesn't stew about a bill all day wondering if she can pay them or not. My mother needs a companion which my husband isn't working out to be. The house is in need of painting and other repairs which I feel I could manage better if I was around the house full-time. My job is very demanding and often requires me working in the evenings after a full day. It's hard to switch modes, work mode to mom mode. I am mom's POA, Co-Trustee of my parent's trust and only surviving child and beneficiary. I believe she has plenty of savings to cover memory care when that is needed, however my goal is to keep her home for as long as possible, as that is her wish. If Medicaid isn't in the picture or no siblings to contend with, is it okay for mom to pay me a salary, (or gift)? Keep in mind I could ask my mom, and she would agree, but would worry her that she doesn't have any money to pay me. Then the next day she may or may not remember anything about it, so essentially, my mother may not be aware she is paying me. Why do I feel guilty for asking to be compensated?

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SandwichedGirl, if you do decide to quit your job and Mom wants to pay you, please read: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/personal-care-agreements-compensate-family-caregivers-181562.htm

It is very important to have an "employment contract" drawn up just in case down the road your Mother might need Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. This way with a signed contract, Mom can show Medicaid how she used her money for personal care, and that the money was not a gift to you.
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sandwichgirl- be forewarned that a LOT of us who quit our jobs to stay home or move in to take care of our parents 24/7 end up HATING it. We feel trapped, stressed and burnout and we have NO social life or private time to ourselves. BEFORE you change your job to a 24/7 caregiver, DO read through some of the threads that deal with caregiver burnout so you know what to expect.
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Thank you all!! All are the voice of reason. I'm hating my job and all the stress I have trying to keep up with it and stuff at home. Husband is helping some. He's not working because of a few health issues. I think I'm only looking for a year (or so) off work while working towards another career and giving mom more of my time and attention. I feel so stretched thin. I'm still pretty young and still have many more working years to come, and I hope to own my own business someday and not retire completely, ever! Yes, healthcare is a major concern. Yes, it's a lot to think about. Thank you again.
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If you quit your job, you lose
-your salary
-benefits
-social taxes pd towards your retirement which means less money when you retire


Those are real losses that will have a negative impact on you in your old age unless you have plenty of money and no need to worry.

Your mom paying you for care is perfectly reasonable. I wouldn't expect my daughters to upend their lives to take care of me and not pay them.


Besides, you're the sole beneficiary of your mom's asset so in a way that money will be yours eventually. Either use it to pay your salary and pay income tax as your current tax rate or pay the inheritance tax later. Check with your tax person for advice.
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Probably because on one level it feels like a conflict of interest.
Why not hire a proper companion for your mom and allow your husband to return to work?
With a GChild to also care for you will be spread pretty thin trying to care for your mom 24/7.
If there is no fear that mom will outlive her savings she should have plenty of funds available to have a daily care taker and a housekeeper so that you are able to function as a wife, mother, daughter and employee. Mom could live for many years and need increasing levels of care....and funds.
Be sure to get with a certified elder attorney to work out care contracts regardless of who ends up doing the caretaking.
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SandwichedGirl, yes it is ok for your Mom to give you a salary.

Here's a recommendation, if your Mom can budget to pay you a salary, it would be better if she hired a professional caregiver, then that way you can continue working.

If you quit work, you lose more than just your income.... you lose the net worth of any benefits you received at work. One especially is health insurance which can be expensive on the open market unless you already receive Medicare..... you would also lose out on payroll deductions to Social Security and to Medicare.

You would lose out on any matching funds to 401(k) if your company offers that.... miss out on profit sharing, if available.... company life insurance.... paid sick days... paid vacation days.... and most of all, being around people you can communicate with on a regular basis.

Sometimes with memory issues, as this progresses, Mom may need around the clock watching. Then you and your husband would need to set a schedule, who takes the day shift, who takes the night shift. Some parents with memory issues will wander outside, or have outbursts, and a whole lot of other phases... or with some cases everything goes smoothly.

I had read the sooner you are able to place a parent into Assisted Living/Memory Care the better, as then the parent can still be able to learn their way around the facility.... still be able to learn the Staff... and still be able to make friends. If one waits until their memory is too far gone, then it becomes more difficult. In my area, Assisted Living/Memory Care cost $7k per month.

You have a lot to consider.
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