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Apparently he had a history of molesting young girls for years that I was not aware of and his wife enabled his behavior with denial. They are unable to care for their personal hygiene and their home is filthy. They are both frequently incontinent of both bladder and bowels. They have refused in-home care and nursing home placement. She has been calling me to “clean her up”. I want to refuse I am unable and unwilling to provide this level of care. I really don’t want to have anything to do with either one of them.

No you cannot be held legally responsible. Have you provided care for them until now? Call Adult Protective Services to visit them and see what issues they are dealing with.

I would stay far, far away too.
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Reply to gladimhere
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MAkers it clear to your husband that if his mother or father move in, you and your daughter will be living elsewhere on his dime.

You dont need to say this angrily. Just state it as a fact.

DH may think he is obligated to care for his parents. He is obligated to arrange for their care. Using THEIR RESOURCES, not yours.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Lizhappens Feb 10, 2019
Well said! He is responsible to arrange for their care But it doesn’t mean on your back. Get some support. Professional Agencies will not side with your husband if the parents to go home with him if there is no one to provide care.
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NO!!!! You owe them nothing!
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Reply to Gershun
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Absolutely under no circumstances would I provide any level of care to these people. Call APS and allow them to go into a facility. Also, your husband can remove himself from being POA. Let them become wards of the state. Don't feel guilty for one second and feel free to tell your husband you will NOT care for them in any way, shape or form. This should be done on your terms...not their terms. They will reap what they sow.
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Reply to BSSMB02
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If she can refuse home health and facility care, you can refuse to help.

What is wrong with your husband? Who subjects his family to predators and their enablers and wants them to wipe their filthy butt? He needs help.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Mil is no longer in a position to refuse income care. Call APS and see what they suggest. If they have funds, it’s time to hire someone for a few hours a day to clean them up, maybe make a meal. Your daughter also needs to see that you do not support him.
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Reply to Cyninflorida
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NO.

Detach with love.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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Interesting your husband wants to bring them home. Since he’s the POA he does have a level of responsibility to them. Errr, delicately I ask, does he not want to part with some money perhaps to have them go to a facility and that’s why he’d rather bring them home against your wishes? Sounds like you have an issue to resolve with your husband.

I hate to say it, but if they’re not properly being cared for and he is the POA, I don’t know the law, but maybe he is getting himself into trouble if he doesn’t take proper care of them.

Sounds like you need support and some really good advice. And someone needs to sit down and talk with your husband. Worse comes to worse, you could take a long vacation and he can take care of them until he realizes he needs to make another choice.

I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Very stressful. pray, be wise, be strong.
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Reply to Lizhappens
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Call APS and let the state have them both.

Do you help her now and are looking for a way out?
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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LoopyLoo Feb 10, 2019
Yes, state can have them. People who hurt kids deserve NO MERCY.
(4)
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Block her number from your phone. I like the idea of calling APS.

Where is your husband in all of this? Has he provided any help to them? Has he tried to get them in-home help or nursing home placement?

Why is MIL calling YOU for help?
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Reply to CTTN55
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Whvbw19 Feb 10, 2019
She was in a facility and refused to stay and was discharged because she has capacity and can't be forced to stay. Had Home Health and refused a home health aid. Her son does everything but physical care. It's a terrible situation and not getting better. The other family members do nothing.
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