Can I be arrested for neglect?

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If my father refuses to take care of himself, refuses to go to the doctor, refuses to change his clothes, refuses to use shampoo, etc., can I be arrested for neglect? I convinced him to go with me to Hair Cuttery today, and we both got hair cuts. The woman found accumulated gunk under his hair, and some of the scalp has a minor infection. He hasn't used shampoo in two years but he told the woman "I shampooed my hair today." I don't know if he really believes it, or he's a good liar. I don't want to take him to court to declare him incompetent. He just wants to sleep and stare the remainder of his life at home. I make sure he's fed but since my mother died 28 months ago, he spends all day in the recliner. Shortly before that, he had his third psychotic break. He is sane now (I give him meds) but does not say much of anything. People are now commenting on how dirty his clothes and hair are. I got the hair fixed today (he said it didn't need to be cut but he hadn't had it done since last fall) and told him he must change his clothes tomorrow. He's been wearing the same jeans for months. I can only tell him to do things so many times; he ignores me. Am I supposed to get in the shower with him and dress him because I find that very distasteful? I've made him doctor's appointments last year but he cancelled them when they called home to confirm. I've been told I should be forcing him to do things, and now it's all my fault. He's a grown man, and his psychiatric nurse (the only non family member who sees him) won't talk to me (HIPAA). He doesn't want to be put away permanently. He thinks he's just fine. If I'm arrested, who takes care of him and my animals and the house and land? I work full time and take care of him, the finances, the animals, a 19 room house, and 5 acres. My job won't give me time off. I don't take care of myself (can I be arrested for that too? Nah, nobody cares about me). I'm exhausted.

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I never said he had a fungal infection. After the hair dresser cut his hair and showed me the gunk in the comb, I'm the one who said, "It looks like he might be getting an infection there" or something like that. I meant bacterial, not fungal. But, since you don't believe me, I'll stop asking for help/ideas. He has his psych nurse appt today that he refuses to let me take him to. Turning myself in to APS because I cannot make my father do things will be my last resort. If I'm gone, not only would he be worse off but my animals would also die in short order. If only my brother wasn't so unhelpful.
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AH see I am not entering this one....no hairdresser would put their scissors anywhere near a scalp with a fungal infection so I am entering the world of half truths I fear. either way the answer is yes of course you can be charged for neglect if you do nothing. however all you have to do is let aps know and tell them you will not be responsible for whatever follows - and that you have done your bit (something i would do in writing and keep a copy) then your responsibility is discharged
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Yeah, he forgot the dentist! I only found out because I check the caller ID, and the dentist called about 20 minutes after he was supposed to be there. I looked in the calendar, and he wrote "Dentist 12:00" on a day in July. I asked him, "You forgot the dentist, didn't you?" "Yah," he said.
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I am not Zombie. My father is the zombie. I wrote up a list of his problems which I sent to his nurse. She doesn't care. I'm at work. I hope he forgets his dentist appointment. If not, I almost hope he has a minor accident where nobody is hurt so that the authorities can make him stop driving. The last time he drove me in his truck, it was more than two years ago. He went through a red light. This morning, his left eye was glued shut. I've told him before to use a warm wash cloth to get the gunk out of his eyes but he's never done it so I didn't bother. For those of you who say I should touch him, remember that the only physical contact I've had with my father as far back as my memory goes (to the age of about 3) was when he belted me. He's told me once that he loved me, hugged me once, and kissed me once. It was also the one time he did that to my brother and mother. He even kissed her on the lips! It was the only time in my life they did that that I can remember. When did this happen? It was the first time he was in the ER. He said he was having a heart attack. We thought he had a brain tumor. At age 65, they said he had bipolar disorder. He said, "the end is near" and "I am God." He talked about aliens. This quiet man was loud and boisterous. He stripped his hospital gown. He pushed the guard. He was legally insane. So, this is the man that smells and looks dead that now I'm supposed to be intimate with? I wrote "HELP" in the thick mold growth on the ceiling of the garage three years ago. It's still there. That about sums it up.
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Hi Zombie. Glad to hear from you. I'm encouraged that you have made contact with his health providers. Regardless of whether he brushed, going to the dentist is good. I would make written contact with all the care providers he has and give them information about his status. Put it in writing. A phone call may or may not be noted on his chart but a list of your concerns should wind up in his file and provide some proof that you tried to get him health care. If he can't/won't talk at his appointment that will be noted as well. If he falls, he falls. Just be prepared to call for assistance and should he be hospitalized think about what YOU would like to happen when he comes out. Decide that for when it happens because it probably will happen at some point. It doesn't sound like your brother or SIL will be looking out for your best interest. I wish you would go to an elder attorney to determine your rights and not be taken advantage of by your family. Best of luck Zombie and keep in touch.
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Disclaimer: My advice in no way should be interpreted as advising you to be the actual caregiver for Dad.

Can you be arrested for neglect? Not sure, but maybe charged for neglect if you don't see to it that he gets care. Document everything, get it in writing when 'they'
say, or determine he can drive, etc.
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This one point, and I am going to consult a lab specialist on here. The Lithium levels are required when taking that medication. However, it is not true that the insurance should not cover other blood work, BECAUSE the medication actually causes other blood and organ issues which must be followed by testing.
Ask the doctor to write to the insurance company using the right words to get this covered. Otherwise, be sure to have the PCP write the script/Rx for lab in the future.
Next point, sorry that I am short on time here, but using the same effort and techniques you used to get Dad showered and clean clothes in April, do that again, more often. Can you have a witness at the home that day-maybe Dad will behave better, and you will be safer.
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Just an update on the situation. I got dad his hair cut on 4/27/16 and got him to change his clothes on 4/28/16. I washed his clothes (he hadn't wanted me to) but he put on another pair that had been clean all along. As of 6/6/16, he is still wearing the clothes he put on 4/28/16. I contacted his last known PCP. It had been too long since his visit. They had destroyed his records; the doctor retired; they could do nothing. I contacted his psych nurse. She finally called me back a week later to say he never gave her permission to talk to me. She said he was not a danger to himself or others, and she couldn't do anything. She said he said that I couldn't come to his previous appointments which is a lie. He told me not to. I told him I'm taking him Thurs to his appointment. He said, "No, I can do it." I'm too scared of him (from 43 years of mistreatment; he was a horrible father) to go against his wishes. I'm just afraid he'll crash his truck and hurt himself and other people. He has a dentist appt tomorrow. I know he's not brushing his teeth anymore. He's driving himself. Last night, it took him a minute to get out of the recliner. He got half way up and fell back down. I asked him if he was ok but he didn't talk and rarely does. Going up to bed, he had trouble walking. If not holding on to the railing, he would have fallen. He walks shuffling with his head down. If he were a cat or dog, most people would have him put to sleep. I had to take a Xanax myself to sleep. Oh, and the psych place called and made him his required twice a year appt with the therapist in two weeks. He's non-verbal! How will they talk for an hour? How can these people think he's fine?! I'm still waiting for something bad to happen. The DMW says he can drive. He can't see, talk, or walk but he can drive! Yay!
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Zombie
I forgot about the infection on dads head. There is a deadly staff infection called MRSA. If you aren't familiar with it please look it up. It is resistant to most antibiotics and eats the flesh it's exposed to. It's very common these days in hospitals and now out in the public. Many people carry the infection in their nose. One can come into contact with it from almost anywhere. Even a shopping cart at the grocery store. If you do use that shower stool/chair your mom may have had, make sure you scrub it. MRSA germs can live a very long time and people often have it and don't realize it. They sometimes think they have a spider bite. Broken skin is one of the ways you can pick it up. Treatment generally requires minor surgery, cultures, packing the wound, debriding it daily, powerful antibiotics, lots of follow up care and repeat outbreaks. I've never heard of it on top of the head but anywhere you have broken and dirty skin it's a bad situation waiting to happen. There is a special soap you can buy at the drug store called Hibiclens. It's similar to what drs use to wash their hands before surgery. It's red in color and comes in a pump bottle. It's like a foam when it comes out of the bottle. It's both an antiseptic and a cleanser that is long lasting. You might want to treat dads head with this if you are going to have to have a battle to get his head shampooed repeatedly. Most people never know where they picked up the germs but they are all around. You have to keep him reasonably clean especially while he has the infection. I know he's not likely to be concerned about odors and appearance but he probably knows that he has to treat an infection to keep it from getting worse. I think he listens to you when he knows you are serious. I agree with not telling him things over and over. Just be prepared to shampoo his hair and treat the infection when you tell him. Not confrontational. Just more like. Let's get this over with. I've got to get supper ready.
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You ARE making progress. So what you are saying is he put on those clothes today and didn't have a hissy fit! Good job.
Is it possible that you could find another sweater like the one he likes to wear? Maybe a resale shop? Or is there one already hanging in his closet? Too bad the insurance company won't cooperate on the CBC etcetera with the nurse.
I guess you will have to try a regular dr. Do you have a dr Zombie?
I'm sorry your sisterinlaw is so difficult and your brother is not helping you deal with dad.
When my brother was a young boy about 10 years old he would take a shower and not bathe. He would stand in the shower and let the water run. He would get out and still be dirty because he didn't touch the soap either.
He had to go back in.
I was impressed that dad got in the shower even though he didn't use the products. Did his head get wet? Did he shave himself ? I'm impressed.
Perhaps with dad in his recliner, you could take some warm soapy water and a washcloth and work on the gunk on his head? Then ask him to go shower it off. Does your dad feel safe in the shower? If he has a chair to sit in ( maybe mom had a shower chair ) and a shower wand he might be more inclined to bathe and wash his hair. If you can get him in the chair for a shampoo it will be easier for both of you. I hope you are encouraged by the progress you have made. We can get beaten down sometimes by what seems like unchangeable situations. Little by little you can get him cleaner. Does he ever go outside to look over the property and see the animals? That can make him feel better. If he can feel better he might be easier to deal with. Once you get him all clean be sure to show him off. Let others see him clean and not just dirty all the time. You could probably freak the sisterinlaw out by bringing him to her house to visit. I'm just teasing here. Call that dr. Look for a sweater. Get the gunk out of his hair. Take him out. You are on a roll.
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