He(93) cannot help with daily activities, she (87) has been to the emergency room related to the stress and her blood pressure being elevated. Can we remove her from the home and her not lose her half of the home and medical coverage?
Your best plan would be to go to an established Elder Care Attorney in the county in which the property is located. At least within the same state. If you don't already have DPOA and MPOA etc you can get that done as well as find out about the legal issues with Medicaid and joint ownership of property. Do you plan to take care of your step father? Does he have children? What does your mom want? Try to build bridges and be in agreement and respect the relationships of all concerned. It's very easy to get off on the wrong foot (almost impossible not to) when your true intention is to care for your mom, not threaten everyone else. When elders ( with existing families) marry, it is amazing how many issues come up. I'm sure you already know that. Hopefully your mom is able to make her own decisions and can still sign paperwork. Don't try to go this alone without legal counsel. You can find a lot of information on this site but remember that each state has different laws on some of the details and posters may not be informed about your mothers state. Even if you aren't thinking Medicaid now, you need to have all the information before making decisions.
Dautrinlaw, how does Mom feel about leaving the house? Is she still competent to make her own decisions? If she is, it is really up to her to decide what she wants to do.
My parents also did not want to give up the house they could no longer maintain. I tried to get them to move out to TX near us, but you couldn't get them out of the house with a shoe horn. Mom would blame it on Dad -- that he refused to leave. But really, it was her, too. I still can't get her out of this house. I can't understand having such attachment to a house, probably because I didn't stay in one place for such a long time. It is a major problem when they become so attached to a house that they refuse to do things so they can continue living. Many people just isolate in an old house and fade away.
Dautrinlaw, a couple can be married and still live in different locations, many young people do that all the time with one living on the east coast due to work, and the spouse on the west coast.
Your Mom wouldn't lose her medical insurance as Medicare goes where ever you live in the States, same the the supplemental insurance. And she wouldn't lose the house as half the house is still hers [via marriage] even if she isn't living there. Unless there is some complex prenuptial agreement.
Do a trial run, have wife tell her husband that she needs to go into rehab for whatever [make something up] and have her go for a couple of weeks to stay at an Assisted Living facility or even at your house. Sounds like her husband depends on his wife to do everything that she use to do years ago, not realizing at 87 she just can't do everything at the same speed and ability as she did when she was in her 50's.
My Mom was the one who refused to move at 98, and poor Dad at 94 was still struggling with the long honey-do lists. In Mom's mind she thought Dad was still that 40 something year old who could fix anything around the house. Two weeks after Mom had passed, Dad was ready to pack for Independent Senior Living.
My parents also did not want to give up the house they could no longer maintain. I tried to get them to move out to TX near us, but you couldn't get them out of the house with a shoe horn. Mom would blame it on Dad -- that he refused to leave. But really, it was her, too. I still can't get her out of this house. I can't understand having such attachment to a house, probably because I didn't stay in one place for such a long time. It is a major problem when they become so attached to a house that they refuse to do things so they can continue living. Many people just isolate in an old house and fade away.
Your Mom wouldn't lose her medical insurance as Medicare goes where ever you live in the States, same the the supplemental insurance. And she wouldn't lose the house as half the house is still hers [via marriage] even if she isn't living there. Unless there is some complex prenuptial agreement.
Do a trial run, have wife tell her husband that she needs to go into rehab for whatever [make something up] and have her go for a couple of weeks to stay at an Assisted Living facility or even at your house. Sounds like her husband depends on his wife to do everything that she use to do years ago, not realizing at 87 she just can't do everything at the same speed and ability as she did when she was in her 50's.
My Mom was the one who refused to move at 98, and poor Dad at 94 was still struggling with the long honey-do lists. In Mom's mind she thought Dad was still that 40 something year old who could fix anything around the house. Two weeks after Mom had passed, Dad was ready to pack for Independent Senior Living.