Can a daughter in law fight a will? I feel I did more for her than all three sons for very long. I will only share what one son gets.

I don't know what state you're in, but you may also have to be self-employed with the IRS before you can do those write-offs; I did (CA). It did help too.

Best to seek out questions from an elder law attorney.

As others have already said, a will is a will, and you will likely get frustrated trying to change that. It is sad that she chooses to not allow your husband's share to be divided per law (aka likely you first, then any children you might have), but again, that is a legal document and there isn't anything you can do to change that. Trying to fight it will only cost more money, with likely no recompense. Two other things others have mentioned: 1) a person can leave their assets to whoever they please, family or not and 2) if she does not have a burial/cremation account, her assets will have to cover that first before anyone gets a share. None of us is ever guaranteed being left an inheritance - if there is anything, and they choose to leave it to us, great. If not, c'est la vie.

Citing the brothers/business issue is really irrelevant. That was between the brother's and has nothing, really, to do with MIL (or her decision about how to leave any remaining assets.) While on asset discussion, you did indicate she has very little. One has to surmise that the house is the main asset. If she passes and this is left to all three (assuming all are still alive), there will be two options: buy the brothers out for a reasonable fair amount (get it appraised!) or sell it and use the share hubby gets to find your own place.

As for getting paid, although you indicated that you share expenses with her, I will have to make a guess that at 97 there is no mortgage. If not, sharing utilities is only fair as you use them too. Helping her pay taxes, if you do that as well, keeps the place in good standing, ensuring you all continue to have a place to live. However, these are expenses you would have whether you live with her or not, so in reality you ARE getting something out of this arrangement (again, assuming your share is utilities and perhaps part of the taxes, plus helping with upkeep.) Does it help take the sting out of any attitudes or being left out of a will? No, but it IS in a way income (by not depleting yours and hubby's.)

Making it "pretty" is something you choose to do, making it more like a home for yourself, so that's your choice. If MIL were demanding all this be done, then she should pay for it.

The best you can do is try not to read too much into MIL's comments. She may mean them, she may not. YOU know what you do for her, let her potentially mean comments slide. Someone else said perhaps back off a bit, if possible, on MIL care and use that energy to keep hubby alive and well! At least that way if anything IS inherited, you will share hubby's portion. You could choose to move out now, but what will that gain you? Big costs for rent or buying and MIL will still need someone to provide oversight (she might qualify for in-home or facility care, perhaps Medicaid, BUT if you go that route, the house will likely be lost to all. Given your disability, if Medicaid is used, they cannot throw you out or force the sale - however the brothers could, if she passes.) If she is 97 and has health issues, how much longer might she be around? Much as I wouldn't have wanted to live with my former MIL, if I was still happily married and it was something that needed doing, I would provide what care I could, BUT also make myself scarce when care wasn't needed!!!

Oh, also for those wishing our inheritance laws mimicked Australia's - be careful what you wish for! Here people can be excluded, and many deserve to be. If the laws didn't allow that, then part of your share would go to those deadbeats who skedaddled and did nothing to help care for the person, or worse, to those who bilked and or begged for/got money over many years time and did nothing to help!

You should ask for a weekly stipend and if the answer is no you should quit and take care of yourself

Being in the will is not the answer. You have no control over what she puts in the will. You have not legal right to an inheritance. You should have a caregiver contract, so that you can be paid now for what you do. If she won't agree to this, then your only option is to stop doing the caregiving that you are doing. Let her hire an agency to do these things. She will see how expensive this is. See if there is a legal aid society near you to help you.

I would be up front and tell her If that's how much she thinks of you Then let her hire someone or get her sons to do the work.You don't deserve that kind of treatment and I would tell her!

Nurserygirl-

Sadly, unless she puts you in her will as one of her heirs, you aren't considered an heir from a legal standpoint. Any lawyer will tell you that, and even sadder.... no lawyer would take your case even if you could afford them.

As for taking care of her... You can choose...
request she pay you,
or back off on how much you do,
or leave things as they are.


Hope this helps - sorry you are in this spot. It is hard to be an unappreciated slave! Hugs.
Sparkles