The oldest son stole money from the brother's business and they bought him out only to close shop the following year but tax problem made IRS take my refund for years. I feel I should be in the will to get an equal part. Am I wrong to feel this way since I have been literally been taking care of her Dr appts, shopping, food, clothes, pharmacy, laundry, bathroom messes to illnesses. It's like she is my mother (who died when I was 12) but she would never acknowledge me as a daughter always corrected anyone who comment no she's my daughter in law. And she is getting meaner to me if that's possible. I just feel if I was able to either get a stipend for being her caregiver from the state or from her will which I know she already said the wives get nothing if husband dies before her. But I have been married to my husband 28 years and lived with him 7 year before that. I am just venting I guess because I can't afford a lawyer on disability. But would like to know if I have any rights.

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You need a caregiver's contract so that you are paid now for what you are doing.

Waiting for an inheritance is a fool's errand.
Helpful Answer (31)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

Tell DH you have to start backing out. You are feeling used by someone who has no respect for you or what you do for her. Tell DH to tell Mom its time for her to hire someone to do what you have been doing for free. I would not suggest she pay you because then she owns you.

Time for Mom to go to an AL if she needs this much help.
Helpful Answer (18)
Reply to JoAnn29

Your issue is not with the Will but with the brothers. Make them pay you by the hour that they would pay a caregiver if you stopped taking care of their mom. If they do not, stop. She is not your mom, so why kill yourself over her.
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Reply to Worriedspouse
gdaughter May 13, 2019
Going rate is about $22/hr give or take. And since you will be an independent contractor of sorts, tack on 20% more to cover your unemployment taxes because they will have to give you a form indicating how much you were paid for you to do your own taxes:-)
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and if it upsets you - either stop doing what you are OR get paid for it NOW
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to Kimber166

You have the right to walk away and stop being her caregiver.

But other than that, you have no rights. No claim to her estate. The time to ask for compensation for the care you provide is while you are caring for her. If she’s not willing to pay you & have a care contract drawn up, then walk away.

Depening on your state law, if your husband dies before you, you may be legally entitled to his share of her estate but again it depends on state late and whether or not she’s included him in her will.
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to worriedinCali

No you are not legally entitled to anything if not in the will. And seriously you’re doing the caregiving but past caring for your own wellbeing. If you are this upset about it tell your husband to kick in and pay you or whoever is in charge of the estate. Ie executor or someone with power of attorney.
Maybe you took this on with all the best of intentions. But many daughters get trapped in this and your brother in laws and husband are the only ones in a position to charge it. Sorry you’re on disability but nothing entities you to what is not in the will. Get over it. Or get out
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to Nbwell
Isabelsdaughter May 13, 2019
Sadly, you stand to inherit nothing. Really, unless she has made provisions to leave you something specifically, you're out in the dark.

My MIL made it VERY clear to me that her will states her 3 kids split her estate 3 ways and if my DH passes before she does, I will not get 'a dime'. My 5 kids will inherit DH's 1/3rd.

Now, is this fair? No, but few things in life are. My BIL has been MIA and actually has not seen his mother for a couple of years. He left 45 years ago to pursue his career and schooling and really hasn't been back. He has flat out stated that he hates his mother.

I have done a lot for mine, despite her dislike of me. DH has been her handyman and go-to, but honestly she is such a mean woman, he can't bear to be around her. Here comes Mother's Day and I got her a gift and told him to be sure to call her and get the gift to her. He is going to be out of town over Mother's Day and I am positive he will not see her or call her on the day. So sad.

I cared for my FIL for months and months before he died. What did I inherit? Absolutely nothing. DH did, and of course that became community property, so to speak, but I personally? Nothing.

I'm really sorry for you. why do you continue to care for her? Why doesn't your DH step up and handle this? If you are caregiving for the 'hopes' of an inheritance--bad idea. I no longer speak to my MIL. I simply can't 'do" her any more. She was and is the meanest woman I have ever known and I do not have to put up with her.

Can you walk away from this? Sounds like you owe her absolutely nothing!
Helpful Answer (13)
Reply to Midkid58
Nurserygirl9 May 9, 2019
We live in her house and she is 97 the other brother live very far I feel obligated to stay. I try to stay in basement quietly as much as possible. Till rest of family come home. One day we will be free lol. But the stress is slowly killing me.
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No, sadly you are entitled to Nothing. I (along with my husband), cared for my FIL in our home for 13 years, and I was never written into his will, and he and I got along pretty well!

When he passed away in our home after caring for him on Hospice those last Very Difficult 9 weeks of his life, the bulk of his remaining estate did go to my husband, but none specifically to me other than my MIL's jewelry, but having been married to this Son for 30 years, of course he does/will share in what he recieved with me, as if the estate were ours jointly. I know my FIL knew this, so I wasn't offended, that is just how Wills are normally written.

You have no rights in how someone disperses their Will and assets when they die, it is their right to choose where their money goes after death, that's just how it goes!
Helpful Answer (12)
Reply to staceyb

No child ever has any guarantee that they will receive assets from their parents’ estate. Even a caregiving child should not have that expectation. A person of sound mind can leave their estate to any person(s) or entity they choose (no explanation or rationale required).

This is a job. If you are not happy with your current situation, work somewhere else.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to ACaringDaughter
Nurserygirl9 May 10, 2019
Its a unpaying job, and I used to have a good job having to work less and less hours each year now with my crohns flaring stress is a problem so I will try to step back and not worry no one will take care of her.(ha)
You have received some good advice your shoes, i would definitely back away from caring for her. Sounds like you are in burnout mode!! Tell your DH he will have to take over her care or hire a caregiver and pay for it with HER funds!!! You must take care of yourself before this situation kills you..,
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to cherokeegrrl54

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