Mom is 94 & has to have bed washes as she has dressings on her legs & fears showers. Care aides tell her to wash her own bottom if she doesn't it doesn't get done!! This surely can't be right??

Find Care & Housing
I had many caregivers refuse to wash my mom, help her stand to use toilet or even at times they would not help her sit up in bed. What I observed were aids who were lazy, did not like having to do it as if it was beneath them & due to this my mom fell several times trying to do it herself. I could not get help from the director or any staff. It was horrible to watch my mom at 78 lbs right side paralyzed from stroke at 90 lose her dignity while no one cared. I tried several different ALF's that were expensive and promised everything when signing up but never came through. I don't think people realize the injustice being done to the elderly because the residences are so beautiful, fresh flowers everyday on the dining tables. Yet the treatment received if dependent does not match the beautiful decor people see when visiting. I do not know what the solution is but I do know the investors are making a lot of money at the elderly's expense. Many of the private investors are doctors so it is a tight community of an inner circle that defends one another. I felt hopeless after 3 years and numerous facilities. I felt a lot of guilt for the physical damage done to my mothers' body from their mistreatment. I have pictures and all the attorneys will not go against the doctors for the sake of elderly that have nothing to offer them. So they all protect one another and if you saw these pictures it would make you think that no one could ignore this level of mistreatment & physical harm. I am personally terrified of being in this situation when I am elderly and will require help. And you can have all the money in the world and it did not help or make a difference in how my mom was treated. I can not get over the images I saw and ways I observed my mom treated. If that is how it was in front of me then I do not want to know what they did when no one was watching.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to robinsoul
JoAnn29 Oct 26, 2018
You should have reported it to the State Ombudsman.
After my mom was recovering in the hospital from a stroke, she said a male cleaned her after she was done going. I just said, it's all right, mom. It's okay. She seemed to accept that.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Cats4Ever

Frankie, when my husband was in rehab, his aides did wash him “down there” because he, too couldn’t do it. But they did give him the cloth to wash his upper body to encourage his independence. It’s fairly easy to tell if Mom’s privates are being washed or not. Redness will occur fairly rapidly, so will odor and rashes. Mom may be embarrassed to admit to you she needs someone to wash her privates so she just tells you it’s not getting done.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Ahmijoy

Yes disposable gloves are used freqflyer. It comes from mom cwillie as carers say they do wash her bottom
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to frankie22

Are you getting this from mom or directly from the caregivers? I know that in order to preserve dignity they are trained to encourage people to take care of private areas themselves if they can, but we all know that sometimes that just isn't practical or possible. Could this just be a misunderstanding?
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to cwillie

Frankie, at 94 I doubt your Mom is physically able to wash her own bottom during a bed wash. Someone would need to roll her on her side to complete the task. Are disposable gloves supplied for the caregivers?
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to freqflyer

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter