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He has taken money out of her account and had it go to him. When can he legally do that? She moved last year to an apartment after 20 years of living in a house. She is doing fine fending for herself. My brother is a school teacher so he is busy with that. I help her when I can and so does my husband. She doesn't drive that often except to the store. She is lonely and she has told me that. That is why I think that moving to a nursing home/independent living would be a good idea for her. My brother doesn't know what assisted living means which I do. Not yet thinking about moving but looking at what is available. She is interested in doing this but will have my brother help her with the financial part of it. Want to make sure that she will have enough money for it.

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Depending on how it is written, he can do financial transactions on her behalf in a manner she would want. My DPOA for my dad allowed me this because he is physically disabled and unable to go out often to handle business. There's a small clause in mine that states that I can be paid for services I render that cost me personally in his interests, but I have to show what that is for. For instance, when he requested I go 3 hours away to his old house to gather collectibles and other personal items not necessary for daily living, I had to drive my personal vehicle, rent a trailer, pay for gas, and it took a day of my time. So I kept receipts and tracked my miles and time and paid from his account (mostly just for the gas and trailer and an extraordinarily small amount for the miles and time). If the brother is using the money for reasons other than doing business in her best interest and she's been unaware, that could be a problem and should be looked into.
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Judy79 Jun 2019
I can't be with him each time he takes money out of the account. Which he doesn't do that often from what I can tell. My mom isn't out of it either. Which I think that he doesn't have to tell her why he is taking money from her account. From what I can tell, he isn't stealing any money from her. The money left over from the sale of the house, he put into her investments to earn interest. He is a smart guy but when it comes to my mom's health, he is still learning.
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Ok. I understand now. I’m just thinking that any place you put Mom that is on the grounds of an all-inclusive senior complex that goes from Independent Living all the way to lockdown Memory Care is going to be very expensive. That’s why I suggested a Senior Apartment independent of a Senior living complex.

As for Brother, we teachers tend to think we know it all and kind of resent being told we don’t. ;0). You may have to get around that with honey and sweet-talk. And, at his age, he may be getting burned out. It’s not the same teaching nowadays that it was when he was a young teacher.
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His POA does not give him that right. Who wrote up the POA, that lawyer needs to explain how it works.
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Judy79 Jun 2019
What part are you talking about that doesn't give him the right? Want to be sure that I understand what you mean.
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I’m not really clear on what your question is. Do you think your brother is doing something funny with Mom’s money? His POA would not kick in unless Mom became unable to make her own decisions. However, if he is joint on her bank account, he is able to withdraw her money whenever he wants. I don’t think he has to account for what he does with it since it’s considered his money too. Work with your brother to educate him and chose what’s best for Mom. There is a big difference between Independent Living and a nursing home. However, both places can cost thousands of dollars a month. A Senior Apartment might be a better choice if Mom can still care for herself.

If Mom is still sharp, and as you write, able to fend for herself, she probably isn’t ready for Assisted Living or a Nursing Home. Is she currently in a Senior Apartment? My mom lived in a really nice one. They had weekly bingo and also ran bus trips about once a month. The community transit also stopped right outside her door to take her shopping. Mom will need to make the effort though, to reach out to other residents for fellowship.
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Judy79 Jun 2019
She is 88. I tell her everything that I plan on doing for her. She isn't dumb. After she moved last year, she said some things that didn't seem right. But then she started to change. For the better,that is. It's taken her a while to start getting her mental state together. She still makes her own bed, drives to the store to get her own groceries. I feel that she would be best in a garden home/independent living at a nursing home with the potential of assisted living, if she needs it. My brother, who is my oldest brother doesn't know what assisted living truly is. I am teaching him some things. I am the little sister with some more knowledge about the healthcare field than he knows. He is smart in the financial area. I really needs more compassion that he has. Maybe, being a school teacher might be taking more out of him at 63 years old than he would like. He is a very nice person but needs to start learning more about what his mom wants by asking her. And just accept her as she is. IMO.4
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