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Hi My name is Issie,


This year My grandpa had a heart attack and a week later he had a stroke. He survived both and after a stint in rehab I brought him home and have been his sole caretaker ever since. I coordinate doctors visits, nurse visits, speech and occupational therapy. I also pay his bills and am in process of automatic most of them so that is easier for him and me.
Recently he was diagnosed with mild dementia which isn't bad at all. To talk to him you wouldn't think he had it. He was diagnosed by his geriatric doctor.


Now when he had the heart attack he was gone for 15 minutes and suprisingly and blessedly came back to me and his great grandchildren. You see my grandfather raised me since I was two years old and was married to my grandma for thirty years before she passed. He also cared for my mom and her siblings which are not his biological children.


Now that being said he lives in a small apartment with our fur babies and up until he got sick was fairly independent. I check in on him twice a month phyiscally and called ever other day.


Being the beautifully stubborn teddy bear that he is he tried to not make me worry by telling me that his health was failing. Luckily I had placed my emergency contact info on the refrigerator.


Now Since my grandfather had this attack which now has been two months , I have been handling his affairs as co owner on his bank account. We did have a bumpy ride intially but I hung in their. I told him that until his doctors cleared him he couldn't drive and I would continue to pay all his bills and give him an accounting of everything I did on his behalf.


Since that has happened he had called the bank and spoke to one of the bank managers. He was trying to make it where he gave me an allowance. The bank decided to take me off his bank account and told me that he did it. When I got home I was so upset, because I didnt have any extra personal money to pay for his medicine that he needed.


That conversation led to a lot of crying- and us finally listening to each other. He said taking me off the account was not what he thought he was doing. He then called the bank manager and told her to add me back she actually argued with my grandfather and tried to get him to go along with having him fill out deposit slip and having me physcally travelling back and forth to get money on an account I am already on.
Its to a point where he actually raised his voice and told her no put her back on . She told him he and I had to sign a new signature card. We both agreed and I did.


Now mind you we have banked with this bank for six generations. So they know of us. Now since that has happend I've been warned that transactions on his account look suspicious that he is spending more. OF cours he is he has more bills and he is getting caught up on old ones. and the account he has is what is called a Holiday account so it doesn't allow for him to pay online. Something they did not advise him on at all. By the way let me back track. My grandfather is 76 years old still mobile but he just needs some help around the house which I provide because I refuse to stuff him some dirty dank nursing home and leave him without love or support.


So in August I got medical POA. After this banker approached me about my grandfather's account I physically got sick at how they were implying and saying I wasnt taking care of my grandfather and that our accounts look suspicious. I opened up an account and since I have bank card I deposit fund he tells me to take out and pay his bills. Been doing it for over a month. They then told me they were watching my account and his in the back office. I was so hurt and upset I physically got sick over this weekend due to the stress. My question is can the bank managers override what my grandfather says he wants done and who he wants it done by? At this point he wants me to close the account and go elsewhere. I now have Durable Power of Attorney as Well as Medical

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I would just go to another bank.   Is this bank a smaller one, like a community bank?    I've been with a major bank for years and never had that kind of problem.   I also avoid smaller banks b/c they don't have the resources that a major bank has for security, and I want the highest level of security available for our funds.
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ETA:  I read earlier posts and see that you're using a credit union.  That might explain their attitude.  
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If you want to stay at that bank you will need to bring in your FPoA doc and your grampa all at the same time in person and just talk to them face to face to straighten in all out. Otherwise, I'd go to another bank. Is his current bank a small, local one? Or a large one like Wells Fargo, etc.? Also I would have all his bills paid through the bank's bill pay so it goes directly from the account to the payee. Keep very good records. Since you said the bank knows your grampa maybe they were concerned about financial abuse, which is extremely common with the elderly. I think banks do flag unusual activity like extremely large withdrawals that are not part of normal pattern, so I think they do some monitoring of activity but your grampa's case is just...weird.
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msigrace Oct 23, 2019
Thank You, yes it is actually a credit union. I always include my grandpa on every thing that is going on with him. However, he stated that he didnt'feel he needed to come in to see the bank manager because in his eyes it is simple. He knows what is going in and out of both accounts. I told him I just wanted to make sure we were covered legally but also that his privacy and rights weren't violated. He was more upset that the manager had accused me of abusing him and called her and told her that he was disapponted that they were giving me a hard time. I didn't know he had called but she contacted me and said he called and I said ok. At that point I told her there was no need for her to speak with me, if he had already spoken to her. He ultimately decided to not do business with them and we found a bank that sat down and spoke with both of us over the phone due to him not being able to drive and I don't drive. I am seeking out whatever benefits that can help him attain a level of independence that is safe for him. I also make sure I keep meticulous records of everything he tells me to spend. I understand people abuse the elderly but then there are organizations that abuse the people that care for them. It's a balancing act and I accept it. Its all worth it to keep him alive and happy.
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In the UK we have financial and health POA’s. The financial one allows control of money. However once that is in place the person you represent can no longer take money out / pay bills themselves.

My uncle gave me written authority (signed letter) to deposit money and pay bills on his behalf. You may find it better to have direct debits for standard bills.

I would make an appointment to see the bank manager together with your grandfather and set out your concerns and ask them to explain. You can then jointly inform them what it is you are doing for your grandfather with his consent. If still unhappy at their attitude then consider another bank.

The bank have a duty to protect your grandfathers money - so try not to take it personally - think of it as a good thing as long as they also respect your grandfathers wishes.
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msigrace Oct 23, 2019
Thank you I don't mind doing that. I asked him did he want to go on in since the bank wants to see him. My whole issue is when he called to speak to them they were arguing with him about what he wanted which caused his blood pressure to go up. It hit 170/106. I had his nurse and his speech therapist at the house. The woman he was arguing with is an assistant manager and started treating me in very suspicious manner and when I asked her what were my grandfather's options she was cold. I also asked her why SHE took me off my grandfather's account against his wishes? During there argument he told her that she clearly didn't explain or offer him a solution for what he wanted to do. Which was give me an allowance. I never asked for one, nor do I require one to care for him. I just wanted to make sure he Number one doesn't end up back in the hospital , Nor end up shoved in some nursing home. Everyone who visits his home raves about how excellent of care he recieves from me.I show him everything that goes in and out of both accounts. My issue is yesI understand they have a fiduciary duty but it does not give an an excuse to accuse, or try to paint me in a light to my grandfather of misdeeds which is what I felt they were doing based on not only conversations that I overheard while in the bank when this particular manager was in the bank and the communiciation both my grandfather and i received separately. As his representative, I have a duty both morally and otherwise to make sure that his health is not compromised when not only have they talked to him directly on several occassions but also he has made his wishes clear. I don't like to use my POA because I don't want to take his freedom. He has been thru so much and I just want to keep him home where he wants to be and happy and as healthy as I can. I appreciate the protocals but to me what they decided to do crossed a professional line that both he and I are uncomfortable with especially considering that he said directly to me that he was never "buddy buddy with them" I've since carried out his wish to switch banks and the offered a solution that helps him better by giving him account that has a debit card that doesn't cost him an arm and a leg and allows him to structure his finances the way that he wants.
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thank you for what triggered it is he thought he was rearranging his account to give me an allowance. I told him I didnt need that. Now mind you before he had the heart attack and stroke, he handled everything by cash and money order.

If though theyve talked to him they refuse to abide by what he said and continue to argue with him and give me a hard time besides me having my legal paper work in order. Papa wants to close his account and go somewhere else. I only want to do what is in his best interest.
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I have to wonder why the bank has flagged your grandfather’s account and are interfering in his private financial business. Banks usually don’t have time or interest in doing that without some reason. If you have proof that the bank coerced your grandfather into doing something, you need to contact the FDIC. Banks also take the word of their account holders. If your grandfather, as you say, appears to be in control of his thoughts and decisions, the bank has to do as he asks. In my experience, a neurologist or psychiatrist is the only one who can administer the testing and make an informed evaluation for dementia.

Grandfather may need a bit more supervision. It’s easy to become confused by the modern world when your a Senior Citizen.
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