My aunt has severe frontal temporal dementia, Can she go on a cruise if she wanders and doesn't know where she is?

I'm confused.

Is the plan for Aunt (who has dementia), her husband, her daughter, and daughter's 6-yo son to go on a cruise together?

If Aunt has stress over traveling, why don't Uncle, Daughter, and Grandson go on a cruise together, and with the money they save by not buying Aunt a cruise ticket, pay for good respite care for her?

Have they discussed their planned trip with her doctor?

My husband and I took two cruises while he had dementia. Many caregivers in my support group have traveled with their demented loved ones -- a few months ago one traveled to Europe (they had other adult family members along who helped with the care.) But it is a highly individual decision. Not everyone who has dementia has to refrain from traveling, but not everyone with dementia can handle it, either.

I don't know what you can do, other than discuss it with your uncle, and raise the option of at-home respite care for Aunt.

A cruise? Totally out of the question. Dementia patients go into a panic in unfamiliar surroundings, including planes, boats and trains. NO GO. That money would be better spent getting her a sitter at home.

One more consideration about going on a cruise is that of getting to the embarkation city. If they live close enough that a normal length car ride will be enough, that's good. But likely it'll mean either a plane flight, or a very long drive. I used to drive Mom, and later Dad, to all their appointments. Even with the dementia, these drives were little problem for a long time. But we tried longer (2 and half hour) drives to visit my brothers in another city. With both parents there came a time that had to stop, and with each it was unanticipated. There we were driving 70 miles per hour down I-71 when Mom opens the door. It was a struggle to get that door closed, with much yelling and shouting. Hubby was able to press the "lock all doors and windows" button, but the agitation and struggling continued. With Mom refusing to put his seat belt back on, and demanding to be allowed to get out, trying to reach over from the back seat to grab the wheel and yanking on driver's seat belt, and pulling it across my husband neck . Nearly caused a wreck. And even with that experience, we were surprised when Dad pulled the same stunt just last June. I could have sworn he hadn't gotten that confuse yet. I was wrong, and that was Dad's last ever trip to visit my brother. .....They really need to think this thing through.

Would it be possible for you to go stay with her at her home while they are taking the cruise?

This is an all around BAD idea. And Coloresue is absolutely right that this IS your business. Your aunt's dementia has already proven that she should not be traveling unnecessarily. And on a ship this is far more likely to be a life and death issue, should she wander away from the cabin during the night, while the rest of the family is asleep. No one can be observing her 24/7. They all have to sleep sometime. And to throw in a few other thoughts here, having cruised many times, I have to ask: how's your aunt's balance these days? It's extremely common for dementia patients to be very unsteady walking, even on floors that don't move beneath their feet like on a ship. And they have very poor decision making skills, like avoiding slippery floors near the pool, holding the rails on the beautiful glass staircases, not leaning over railings on balconies or in the ships atrium. Plus the overwhelming input of brilliant lights and exciting stimuli is guaranteed to freak her out. And while the idea of buying travel insurance is a good one, (I never, ever cruise without it), I wouldn't bet the bank that they will pay for ANYTHING precipitated by your aunt dementia. The dementia is a pre-existing condition and unless you buy the insurance in the first 7 to 10 days after making deposit, preexisting conditions are not covered. (Unless you carefully buy special features at twice the price) And even then, I would read the fine print very, very carefully to determine if the dementia nullifies certain coverages.

Besides it's obviously NOT a pleasure trip for her. And won't be for anyone else if some unfortunate incident happens. The idea of offering to stay with her, at her home, while your uncle and his grandson have a trip together would be a wonderful thing, and incredibly generous, IF it would fit into your life, and if you are capable of being the caregiver for the week.

Good luck.

Honestly, I think this would be a disaster as well as cruel. I think she could become so disoriented and possibly frightened that it would just make her miserable.

Why doesn't the cousin just go alone? It really isn't fair to drag your aunt along with them. I think they really are in denial.

I hesitate to state this but it's the first thing I thought of: confusion and disorientation so intense she tries to escape, through or over the railing. Or as she did before, barricades herself in a room....any room perhaps, and no one knows where she has wandered.

If you're involved at with her care, a call from one of her doctors might help your cousin and uncle realize this is a very, very bad idea.

I wonder if the cruise line knows about her condition. I don't think they would be amused. It's such a huge liability. Dementia patients can be unpredictable. What if she jumped overboard or pushed someone else? It's so risky. I can't imagine what her husband is thinking about.

Too young for this, you're absolutely right. Unfortunately when a person or family finds themselves in situations like this, you have to sometimes say "the cruise will have to wait".

I worked for cruise line in their corporate office for over 3 years. I can tell you it was not uncommon to have people taken off a ship due to unruly behavior and barred from returning. Sometimes the cruise line picked up the airfare and sent them home, sometimes they just kicked them off.

In this case they could tell them to disembark and pay the airfare.

One poster said tell the cruise line and they will pay extra attention, that's not how it works. These cruises ships are floating cities with several thousand passengers, they don't have the time to babysit the aunt.

It's not like a flight attendant paying extra attention to a minor child flying alone.

They will not take this risk on a ship.

This is a bad idea, and if the aunt attacks someone the family is liable. They could be looking at being sued and also being booted off the ship.

Lalafair, why don't you tell your cousin that if she does not disclose your aunt's diagnosed condition a) to the tour operator and b) to the aunt's travel insurer, then you will. You may find that she, or her father, has in fact done so and nobody has a problem.

This is not a case for anonymous reporting. Reporting what? Do you have access to your aunt's medical records? Do you see her every day, and care for her full-time? Think it through. You ring the cruise manager. And you tell that person… that you know of a party which includes a lady who may not be able to enjoy the tour, and who may pose a danger to herself or other people. How are you going to back up this statement? With what evidence?

Clearly you are losing a lot of sleep over this issue. So constructive suggestions:
1. Call APS and see what they think.
2. If you know your aunt's doctor's contact details, call his office and report that this proposed trip has come to your attention and you wonder if he has been asked to sign off on the travel insurance. Obviously the doctor can't discuss your aunt with you, but if he is seriously concerned there's nothing to stop him raising the issue with his patient - "oh Mrs X, I hear you're going on a little trip…" kind of thing.
And if he's not remotely concerned, then perhaps neither should you be.

When you say your cousin tends to overreact, I'm not sure what you mean. You say you're very close to her and don't want to cause a rift, but how does that sit with wanting to cancel her travel plans and overrule her own assessment of what's good for her mother?

In a close relationship, one person can say candidly to another what is on her mind and expect to be listened to with respect. If you can't do that, you don't have a close relationship.

Offer to watch your Aunt at the price it would have cost to take her on the cruise. These people are being very selfish!!

If they are considering taking her on a cruise I would be questioning all choices they make concerning your Aunts care..