My mother and I moved in with my grandparents to help them out a few years ago. The goal was to be to help them out and support them while we worked on finding our own place as there were family members living in the home during the time that were not suitable caregivers. A few months into our stay, they were in a serious accident that landed my grandfather into a nursing home. My grandmother was hospitalized but ultimately wasn't as bad off as him because he had COPD and this exacerbated it. This put me and my mom in a position where we had to become sole caregivers for grandma. It has been an absolute nightmare and we don't know what to do anymore. She hasn't been formally diagnosed with dementia but it's been noted that she has age related changes to the white matter of her brain. She has burnt a pan to the point of smoke filling the lower level of the house because she went outside and forgot it was on. She is always misplacing things and when she cannot find them we get accused of stealing. We struggle to give her the proper nutrition she needs because she insists on eating junk, even when other nutritious options are available or made for her. And she is also starting to become more and more combative to the point where if something is not done her way or in a timely manner she gets very upset. We had to try to coax her out of performing outdoor activity because it was incredibly hot out and she got very angry at us that we were being "too controlling and telling her what to do" when we were just concerned for her safety. My mother and I are exhausted. There are absolutely no supports from family whatsoever. She has 5 children and even more grandchildren and outside of my mother, they are of no help. We do not have any freedom as she cannot be left alone at home for her own safety and no one else is around to offer to stay with her. We have brought up the topic of her possibly moving in with another relative or going to an assisted living but the family that is ironically not here doing anything for her is strongly against it. My mother is on disability and I am in my early 20s. We are so lost we don't even know what to do anymore. Can anyone relate?
Is she physically and mentally capable of being caregiver to grandmom?
As to you, you are now an adult and it is time to move out and move on with your own life, education, family. It would be not sustainable to think you could stay living with your grandmother and mom and caregiving them.
If your grandmother has a home, then whomever is the POA should consider selling this home to provide care for her, or keeping the home and spending down her other assets in care until she can go on Medicaid.
Time is marching on. Your grandmother will not be long lived at this point. Your mother may herself need to go into care. And you need to get on with a job, a life and your own place to live. This can be done, but it need to be discussed with Mom and you need to explore your options now.
I wish you the best.