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I live alone with my parents who are 78 and 84 years old respectively. My father has no health issues he is extremely energetic and healthy, however my mother needs assistance for everything. My age is 33 and I have been taking care of them since I was 20. My problem is caregiver stress as my parents are difficult. My father has always been really strange he never tried to provide for us or cared about our emotional needs. All my life I saw him abusing our family. He still behaves the same way, only difference is that he has become more hyper and say more mean things. My mother was better than my father but believed in providing only basic needs to kids, now with aging she has become emotionally detached as well. When I started taking care of them, I decided to have a fresh start and do the best I could. They remain satisfied but would kept me on toes, my siblings also pressurize me not only to take care of parents but to fulfill their demands as well. All of this along with their insensitive responses gave me lot of emotional stress. As a result I got epileptic fit two weeks ago on major religious holiday when I had to take care of all arrangements. I have started medicine after consulting doctor but he said I need to sleep and my parents don't let what should I do. Also I think need to talk to someone at this point, like a need for compassion. Did anyone else go through it?

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Sarah, are you having to wrestle with cultural expectations too? While living in America? Are you the youngest daughter in your family?

I'm just wondering if you have a supportive circle of friends, or maybe access to a religious adviser your parents respect who might "have a word" with them on your behalf or at least counsel you on how to go about changing what needs changing. Ignoring medical advice goes against scripture, doesn't it?

But that's only the immediate issue. What about your life, in the wider sense? What about careers and relationships and seeing a bit of the world, the things that are usually uppermost in a young person's mind?
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Listen to your doctor about the sleep. You won't be able to care for anyone if you don't get rest. Your brain needs rest to repair your body. Once you are rested all things will seem more manageable. There was a time when the only way a young woman could escape was with a husband. Today it can sometimes be done with an outside job. Would that be a possibility for you?
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First of all, honey- I can't believe you are doing all of this. Amazing. You must have a heart of pure gold esp if they are emotionally detatched. Sounds like it has been that way all along. I am an only child. My mom is suffering from dementia and is in the hospital for the first time since I was born 46 yrs ago. We are VERY close.
After sleeping on her floor for 10 days- not really sleeping- I finally found her Power of Attorney and was able to force her to get treatment. She is SOOOO mad. She has two infections-her legs and urinary tract. I am also trying to work when I can. My advice to you is what every medical professional has given me this last week- take care of YOURSELF. Find out who has their Power of Attorney. If that hasn't been done delegate the task of having that done to one of your siblings. That is an absolute must. You also need to contact A Place For Mom- they are wonderful and will help the family scope out living facilities for your parents. It is time for you to manage your own health before any permanent damage is done. I wish you all the luck and strength to get through this.
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Can you move abroad to live with your siblings until you can get a place of your own?
You wouldn't be abandoning your parents, as they would still have children nearby.
Do you have to give all of your salary to your parents? Have you built up some savings that would enable you to make the break?
Did your parents ignore the offers of arranged marriage because they want to keep you at home taking care of them?  
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Your two sympathetic siblings live abroad?

Interesting. Your English is excellent. Have you thought of looking at career opportunities in other countries?
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Thanks for reply country mouse and cdn reader.You have no idea how helpful your kind words are for me.Yes I am the youngest daughter and age difference of 10 to 20 years with my siblings.Three of my sibling are 20 year older and bother me all the time ,the other two are 10 years older and support me but they live abroad.I don't live in America and in my country there is no concept of assisted living or nursing home.I can not benefit from idea of family meeting because I have requested my siblings several times and got only abuse in reply.In fact I got the fit when was dealing with one of my sibling's demands, they have turned my house into place for hang out,fight and discuss their problem.I am high school teacher, it's my summer vacation and I think living at home full time increased stress.I don't have any close friends who I can discuss this and I am not in contact with any religious scholar.I was thinking of asking my doctor to talk to them but he is the most busiest doctor of city.
As far as relationship are concerned while I was growing my family told me that I can only have arranged marriage and must never talk to a boy.But they never did anything for my marriage and refused to all 12 13 proposals that came on their own.I don't know what to about it too.
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Thank you 97 year old mum and sherry flower 18 I just read your reply.It means a lot this is the first time I have talked about my problems other than my sister and doctor.The things you people are telling are so surprising it tells that my thoughts and anger was not wicked it was natural.Otherwise I have always been told that being unmarried it's my responsibility to take care parent's and siblings.
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Yes I have thought about going abroad to live with my siblings in one of the difficult times.In fact three years ago I visited my brother for few days but his wife didn't approve it.My sister lives in US and there is little possibility that I get visit visa if I apply , but his husband is not welcoming either.So I wonder would it be wise to quit a save job, invest all savings ,and face his disapproval.However in past few months I have thought a lot about going abroad alone for the sake of my health. I tried to look for job but it was hard to find on net,distinguishing scam from authentic ads.If you know about any reliable resource please inform me .I have also thought about student visa but I can't bear expense.My job is OK not really good I could pay for visa ticket, but not the tution fees or living expense.Howe've I am looking for scholarship.About refusal of marriage proposals CTTN55 sometimes I also think that but I can't say for sure.Country mouse you really think my English is good because I have always felt that it's not god enough and I can't work abroad.
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Thank you so much.Sorry for late reply my job has started and things became little hectic.Although with my job things are hectic but ever since I started going to school I feel much better.However another religious holiday is approaching in few days and my parents are stressing me a lot about having perfect preparation despite what happen two months ago.On another note I have decided to apply for visit visa of us next month.Because in my country a single woman can't live alone without her parents.
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Thanks for the update! All of us want things to improve you for you!
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