Can anyone give me advice on difficult parents?

Follow
Share

I live alone with my parents who are 78 and 84 years old respectively. My father has no health issues he is extremely energetic and healthy, however my mother needs assistance for everything. My age is 33 and I have been taking care of them since I was 20. My problem is caregiver stress as my parents are difficult. My father has always been really strange he never tried to provide for us or cared about our emotional needs. All my life I saw him abusing our family. He still behaves the same way, only difference is that he has become more hyper and say more mean things. My mother was better than my father but believed in providing only basic needs to kids, now with aging she has become emotionally detached as well. When I started taking care of them, I decided to have a fresh start and do the best I could. They remain satisfied but would kept me on toes, my siblings also pressurize me not only to take care of parents but to fulfill their demands as well. All of this along with their insensitive responses gave me lot of emotional stress. As a result I got epileptic fit two weeks ago on major religious holiday when I had to take care of all arrangements. I have started medicine after consulting doctor but he said I need to sleep and my parents don't let what should I do. Also I think need to talk to someone at this point, like a need for compassion. Did anyone else go through it?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
31

Answers

Show:
1 2 3 4
Thank you so much dorianne I really need support specially today as my brother is visiting again from abroad n he is continously saying that I deserve to be abused and nobody should take care of me even In sickness.this hurt me a lot.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Sarahibrahim, I just read your posts for the first time and wanted to send you my support. I am going out for a little while (I'm in Canada - it's 1:15 PM Pacific time as I write....I think you are 13 hours ahead of us there?) but I will be back at the computer later this evening, which should be morning for you. I don't know what to do either! But I'm here to listen and support you!

Edit:  I just found this during a quick search - I don't know if it helps, but Canada is a little more open to immigrants and refugees than the United States: 
http://www.canadainternational.gc.ca/pakistan/visa.aspx?lang=eng
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thank you so much for offering help and sorry for late reply things got quite complicated here.I would be happy to do any kind of office job or work at school.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If I were you, I would not complain to your family. They will not help you and it will only make things worse if they start thinking you want to escape. They depend on you for care, so any time you complain to them they will take it as a direct threat to their survival. Please be careful in your plans. Don't let them find out you are leaving until there is absolutely nothing they can do to stop you. They might try and sabotage you leaving just like they sabotage you getting married. I think you moving to the US would be great. I have a Pakistani friend. We have been good friends for years, so I am familiar with your culture. I seriously think you should work towards happiness and not live your life based off everyone else. If you move here, it's very easy to find work. There are jobs everywhere. What do you like to do?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My brother who lives abroad is visiting us and today when I got little late in serving lunch he got so angry on me.He said if I am unhappy in my life I don't need to bother others.He also said that if this small responsibility of parents is on my shoulder I don't need to bicker about it.Although about himself he said he can't invite them in his house because his wife would not approve it.I am feeling so sick am 33 and have this responsibility since 16 half of my life I have bound and abused, how come this responsibility is small.
Guys please reply I can't contact my sister and I am really feeling terrible.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Holidays for the festival I was talking about has started today and I am having tough time.My father is bothering me a lot I have cried a lot today hope it does not effect my health.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am teaching at school and no I don't think anyone at my work place know how to get job abroad.Also I don't want to reveal my family problems at workplace.People here are quite weird they have double standards.Like they criticize people in western countries for keeping parents in nursing home, although people here don't take care of their parent they are like my elder siblings mostly.I know for the fact that people in western countries take more care of their parents than here.It's because ever since I was young I was exposed to American society more than Pakistani one through American media, literature and my sister.
All of you people are amazing you are sacrificing so much for your parents although you can go and live alone.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You are attending school, is that right? Do you have any nice women teachers who you could talk to about how to find ways to get more support or to leave Pakistan? You are a remarkable young woman - that you can communicate as well in English as you do is amazing! So you have capabilities, you just have to find the right resources to help you either stay where you are, but in a better living situation or to go somewhere else where you can have more opportunities. Don't give up! You are worth it.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

No and I have only seen them TV and heard stories and news report about them that they take advantage of women.Few months ago I even wanted to go live in hostel but they are also unsafe. As I said you can date you can do what ever you want but not be vulnerable.Also I won't be able to do this even after the small argument I have to go ask for my mother's apology she has that kind of effect on me.She can easily guilt trip me.
She says to me that even if your brother does not help yout in anything force you to help him then bully still you must tolerate everything.whereas she herself has not talked to his brother for years only because he was not loving and was arrogant.This is how particularge she is about her needs
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Are you in contact with any local women's organizations?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

1 2 3 4
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions