Can an Alzheimer's patient be cared for at home until the end of life?

You could buy the 8 acres from her at fair market price. Then Mom can go into care and you can resume working.

You either sell your mother's property to finance her ongoing care in Memory Care Assisted Living or you stay "stuck" caring for her yourself at home. I mean, what other choices are there? You want Medicaid to fund her care AND to keep your "inheritance", is what I think you're saying, but that's not how life works. My parents went thru their entire life savings like a hot knife thru butter in order to get the proper care they required in Assisted Living and then Memory Care for mom for 3 years. I was left with nothing when she passed in February which was fine, because I wasn't in a position to do hands on caregiving for her level of dementia.

Also, if mom has no doctor, how did she get diagnosed with Alzheimer's to begin with?? Who do you call when issues arise, or do you just keep taking her to the ER? I would say it's imperative to get online and find a PCP for her immediately. I would think the hospital social worker could assist you with that. Or the area Office on Aging.

With stage 5 AD going on, it's unlikely you can get POA assigned now because she's incompetent to sign legal documents. You'll be better off going for guardianship which can be costly and take time, however.

My condolences on the loss of your father. I wish you good luck trying to care for your mother at home and preserve the 8 acres of land she owns. You may want to rethink quitting your job and losing that income, though, not to mention paying into Social Security to insure YOUR retirement years are properly covered, financially. Keep in mind your mother's resources are intended to be used for HER care in old age. Quitting your job to preserve a few acres of land may be a disastrous financial move on your part. A chat with an Elder Care atty is likely your best move at this juncture.

Medicaid is for those who have no assets and can’t afford to pay for their own care. Your mom has assets that you want to preserve for yourself. You want the taxpayers to fund mom’s end-of-life care. Does that really seem right? Please use the assets to get the best possible professional care for your mother. She deserves it.

To answer your original question, yes you can care for someone with Alzheimer's in your home until they die. Will it be easy? That would be a BIG hell to the no! Will it be expensive? That would be a BIG yes, as in time it will take more than just you and your wife to care for her(as it takes a village)and home health care can cost way more than placing someone in a facility. As you are already seeing in that you nor your wife can leave her alone, and the fact that you've had to quit your job to care for her.
If your mother in fact has Alzheimer's and not one of the other dementias, it can go on for many many years. A gentleman in my support groups wife is in her 20th year of Alzheimer's. He had to place her in a memory care facility 6 years ago when he just couldn't care for her anymore by himself as she was severely incontinent and was wandering. She's now completely bedridden but still hanging on.
Do you think you and your wife can hang on for another 10+ years caring for her?
You don't know what the future holds for any of you, so it's best to start getting your ducks in a row now. And quitting your job is only hurting yours and your wife's own future.
As already said your mothers property should be used for her care and not for your inheritance. The fact that at this stage your inheritance seems to be more important to you, tells me that perhaps you really don't have your mothers best interests in mind.
Your mother will only continue to get worse and you MUST do what is best for her.

I don't think OP is trying to preserve his inheritance, I think he just wants to keep his home.

My Mom owned 7 acres of of ground and it was an exempt asset under Medicaid. I had it up for sale but not sure if it had to be.

Guardian is going to cost you unless Mom has the funds which Medicaid will allow. To get guardianship you will need a doctor maybe more.

I think you need to talk to a Medicaid caseworker. Ask how Moms property comes in to play as an exempt asset with you living on it as their caregivers the last two years. There is a caregivers allowance but not sure how that works when u don't actually live in the house but next door to them. Make sure you make the caseworker aware that you quit a job and moved next door to be their Caregivers.

Unless the doctor in Rehab was a Neurologist, I would not take his diagnosis as ALZ. ALZ is very hard to diagnosis. Mom needs a Neurologist to correctly diagnosis Mom.

Good luck with that 'medicare advantage'...they are not part of actual Medicare but contract for them and can deny services at their discretion; many believe some of those 'advantage' companies are ruining Medicare. I joke 'whose advantage'?...not the patient's, but the companies bottom line while they drain real Medicare. They were allowed to tack 'medicare' onto their names/plans which confuses the public that Medicare supports their tactics. Beware, do your homework, friends.

The short answer is Yes, but the caviat is that you will need help. I cared for my husband all the way to the end, but I needed help. I had about 10 hours per week, twice a week,, for the last 6 months, so I could go out and do a few things. And because he was able to walk until the last 2 weeks, I was able to take him to physical therapy, once a week, which helped a lot. The last two weeks I got some more help, to help with a shower and things that were difficult for him and me to manage. It required someone 24 x 7, however. The helper I found was a semi-retired nurse with experience with dementia, who was very understanding, NOT a young person, and NOT an agency, but the same person each day. I ordered groceries online and took him with me for a pickup. It is exhausting, but I am glad I did it. I should have had MORE help however to aleviate the pressure on me, so I could treat him better.
You will definitely need a good geriatric doctor, that you trust. And you need a POA. Thank you for being a loving son.
Good luck.

I’m sorry for the loss of your father and that you’ve experienced dementia with both parents. Determine the best care for your mother based on what’s good for both her best interests and yours. Whether or not she can be cared for in home for the rest of her life depends on an endless array of variables, you simply can’t tell what may be coming. She needs to be kept safe and well cared for, and it sounds like you’re stressed with this role. No judgment for that, it’s often an impossibly hard job. I’m sorry you left your job, guarding your own future is just as important as mom’s care. Mom’s assets are intended to pay for her needs, if the land needs to be sold to accomplish that, so be it. Contact the rehab your mother was in and ask for the social worker to help you with the doctor referral. Ask the local Area Agency on Aging for guidance also. I wish you well in figuring out the best plan

Dear PhotoD1. I'm very sorry to read about this tough, tough situation. What a blessing you and your wife are to sacrifice so much for your parents. You cannot care for your mom perfectly...there's just too much. I'm praying you find relief in knowing you are doing your best. (Even when you later wish you'd done something differently.) God bless you.

The experts in this forum have helped me be a better family caregiver.

If your mom doesn't have a doctor, you might consider asking your doctor or your wife's doctor for assistance. Caregiving can be extremely stressful, especially if you are trying to do your best...all the time. Your doctor will be invested in relieving your stress and anxiety. If you do not live in an area with an aging population, you might explore online resources in areas where there is a large aging pop like California, Florida and Maine.

My mom is four+ years diagnosed with dementia. I left my state in 2021 to move in with my folks so I could help them age-in-place (in their home). After 25 years, I'm exiting my job on January 1.

Recently my mom's doctor asked my mom (and me and my Pop) a pertinent question; if my mom fell or got sick or had any kind of accident that required significant care in addition to what we're already doing, would she rather move to a place where she would receive 24/7 professional care, or would she rather stay home.

My mom looked at me quizzically. I answered for her.

Surprisingly, I said, "We want her to be at home." That's what I said, no matter how many times I've fantasized about the day when I could simply visit my mom in memory care.

My mom is incontinent. She cannot be left alone. She is mobile but we're looking at walkers to steady her increasing instability. Over 50% of our day is spent calming (regulating) her anxiety and distress.

We have a caregiver from an agency come to our home, once a week for four hours. I've learned SO much from her. We expect to increase her hours as our needs increase.

If you haven't yet, maybe you can consult a local caregiving agency. They will be the experts in your area, and they are usually pretty generous with information.

Thank you for loving your mom. You are an honorable son.

If your mom can be managed with a consistent routine and consistent environment, you might be able to manage her at home. If she is easy-going and sleeps well at night, you and your wife may be able to manage her care yourselves. Most people with dementia do become more agitated and confused as their disease progresses. She may need medication(s) to help manage her agitation which may manifest as anxiety, fearfulness, or hostility. Call the local hospital to find her a doctor in the local area. Be prepared to add "helpers:" family, friends, members of faith community, paid help... as her disease progresses. You need enough helpers who will learn her routines/medications to help you so you can have some "time off" daily and more weekly. Why? So you can take care of your own needs and nurture your relationships. Others might be needed to step in to care if your and your spouse ever get injured or ill.