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Facilities tell me that they can't legally tell anyone that they can't live there.

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Are these two people separated? If not, then why wouldn't Dad be responsible to pay for her room? Even separated, he maybe required to pay for her care.

As I asked before, who is making these arrangements for her. Because they need to be made aware that moving her there is not wise and Dad refuses to pay for her to be there. Make the Administrator aware that Dad is not paying. Then she would need to get a lawyer and sue Dad which will take a while. In the meantime, they will have to place wife somewhere she can afford.

There is more to this story, I am sure. But if Dad is legally married to this woman she has legal rights. It depends on the state but usually half of the marital estate is hers. In some States, money made and property owned before the marriage are not part of the marital estate. So, Dad not wanting to pay for her care may not be a choice he has. I would consult with a lawyer.
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Really need more info. Why doesn't Dad want her moving to the same facility? Does wife plan on living in the same room or one of her own.

My Moms facility had apts. Separate bath and bedroom with a kitchenette. Roomier than a room but still a little too much togetherness for two people. Moms also had 2 size in rooms. Hers was big enough for a twin bed, dresser, her chair, side table and table for her TV. Again even if bigger two small for 2 people.

Either way, I would talk to the Administrator about how this would cause problem with her being in the same vicinity. The facility doesn't need any problems other than what they already have. And who is making these arrangements for her? Maybe you can mention to them its not a wise choice because Dad does not want her there.
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beegal Nov 29, 2020
No way would she be in same room, but its expected that he has to pay for his room as well as hers. That's crazy amount of money. She doesn't have way to pay.
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I would imagine they cannot stop someone from living there; certainly they won't be in the same room.
I know for myself, were my ex-husband coming in I would be going out. Sadly. I would let them know that. This would be a very uncomfortable situation.
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If you are POA, you can stop her from moving into your dads room or unit.

They are correct that they can not legally tell her she can't become a resident of the facility if her care needs meet their criteria. However, you can move your dad to a different facility when she moves in and you can tell them that you have to move him because their actions, taking her in as a resident, create a hostile, unsafe, (or whatever the issue is) environment for your dad and his wellbeing has been compromised.

Maybe give the heads up that he will be moved if she becomes a resident.

He can also divorce her if she is a problem for him. Most states are no fault divorce and it is pretty simple to get a divorce.
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Not my mom, but his wife.
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beegal, I assume it is your Dad who is living in assisted living and he doesn't want your Mom to move in with him..... is that correct?

It can be expensive to have both parents living in assisted living, would your parents be able to budget for that cost? If not, then its a good excuse why your Mom cannot move in with Dad. Or your Dad or you could use that as a "therapeutic fib" to try to change Mom's mind.
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beegal Nov 29, 2020
Not my mom. But he doesn't want her there, and its expected that he will pay for her room separately. Not sure who is legally responsible for bills like that.
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