Follow
Share

My mom is advancing in Dementia. My sister is the primary caregiver and I (son) help out whenever I can. We have 3 other siblings, one is mentally disabled and the other two help only when asked.


My sister is single, but is on the verge of collapsing from fatigue and frustration. I step in but it takes a toll on my wife, children, and grandchildren. We feel she is more than we can handle and would like to try to put her in a care home. None of my siblings can help me pay for the horrendous costs of care homes. They give a thousand excuses but that's another story. The other two siblings always give excuses when we call for family forum but again, that's another story.


My mom probably qualifies for Medicaid as she has no or very little assets, way below the minimum for Medicaid. We are hoping if my mom qualifies, can a daughter or son put her in a care home without POA.


Thank you for any help.

Find Care & Housing
If she ends up in the ER you can then refuse to take her home, forcing the placement in a facility and expediting Medicaid application.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to gladimhere
Report

Yes. You just need a doctor's paperwork. If she refuses to see a doctor, then a hospital crisis may do it when you all refuse to take her home
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to MACinCT
Report

Does she still have enough of her mind to use the phone and dial 911 to report her paranoia to them? They will not be able to tell if she is out of it or not. I'd get her to the Emergency Room before she thinks to call 911.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to cmagnum
Report

So I never asked my dad, I was doing this all alone and the hospital doctor said he needed memory care facility. I started looking at facilities and I decided that he did not need to be in a locked ward.

I found a care home and told him where he was going to be living when he left rehab.

If you can get her admitted to the hospital for 3 midnight stays, then she will qualify for rehab and then you can get assistance in finding a place for her and the Medicaid application. Baker Act will meet the 3 midnight's if you push them to keep her. Make sure she is admitted not on observation, it doesn't count.

You are a good brother and a good son, your sister that is caring for your mom is awesome, be sure and tell her, because caregiving is a thankless job.

Best of luck, this is such a hard time for the caregivers to place their loved one. May God give you and sister strength and wisdom for this journey.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report

If she is hallucinating, crying, paranoid-thinking someone is trying to kill her, trying to run away. This may sound drastic to you. But heck, I think I'd take her to the hospital. She needs professional help. No offense, I get you love her. But that's not enough sometimes. This is difficult, but maybe put the siblings on the back burner for now, and get her some professional help. As soon as possible.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to lynnm12
Report
cmagnum Jun 14, 2019
Yes, whether it is UTI or her Alzheimer's getting worse. Get her to the hospital for a full physical and psychological evaluation tonight.

I would also ask the lawyer to file for emergency guardianship to be granted to you. Your sister sounds wiped out and you are the only one left with some energy and plenty of reasoning ability.
(1)
Report
No, I doubt it, unless you have her declared incompetent, I would go to an attorney and start the process and have the court assign you as her guardian.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to DollyMe
Report

Hi Electroguy
Have your mom tested for a UTI. This can very often be contributing to her acting out.
She will need an antibiotic. Urgent Cares can test her and get her started on the antibiotic. If she tests positive for one there is nothing you can do better for your sister than getting mom started on the med.
Good luck with the application and let us know how things are going.
Great that you have that appointment set up.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to 97yroldmom
Report
Electroguy563 Jun 14, 2019
Thank you so much. We'll do that.
(0)
Report
Thank you for your responses and input. Much appreciated. Sad to say but it seems my other two siblings don't care. I can tell that they just want this to be swept under the rug and for it to go away. Ostriches with their head in the sand.

We do have an appointment with a geriatric psychiatrist, but they canceled this week and re-scheduled for mid July. Meanwhile as I write this my mom is hallucinating, accusing us that we will kill her and that she's afraid. She also accused my sister of trying to steal what very little money she has left in the bank.

I will watch my mom this weekend to give my sister a break. I also will be initiating the medicaid application process.

Any help on how to calm my mom for the following symptoms:

Constantly crying and afraid one of us will kill her.
Always trying to run away.
Says horrible things to me and my sister and about our siblings, my wife, and practically everyone in the family. Always negative. We're at wits end trying to find ways to re-direct her to thinking positive. This is the most exhausting and difficult trait that my sister and I had to deal with.

I guess my sister and I just have to be strong and hope that after the psychiatrist sees mom we can move forward.

Thank you for your time.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Electroguy563
Report
cmagnum Jun 14, 2019
Look up "Baker act" online. Your mother's state of mind sounds such that she needs an emergency admission to the hospital for a thorough psych evaluation. Her paranoia and psychotic breaks with reality tell me that. Her Alzheimer's / dementia sounds like a much latter stage than you might think. I'd say she might even need a memory care unit at this point.

Tell you uncaring siblings when you have a meeting which you need to have quickly but they will have to live with the decisions ya'll make. They must not love their mother.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
I actually got POA (through Legal Zoom) after my mom was placed in a nursing home. However, I was on her accounts so that made it easier. Now, she was hospitalized and I placed her on the recommendation of the social worker at the hospital she was at for a raging UTI. She did have a doctor’s referral and a social worker’s recommendation for placement.

You sister can’t do this any longer and you don’t want to due to familial obligations. It’s time to fish or cut bait. Send registered letters to all the do-nothing sibs and tell them it’s time to place Mom. You will entertain their suggestions but will not change your mind. Sister’s life depends on placing Mom. Knowing Mom qualifies for Medicaid is not enough. You need to apply for it. Research facilities and get the ball rolling. My mom’s facility applied for Medicaid for her and got her accepted in record time. Do it now before something traumatic happens to your sister.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report

No, but having a doctor's orders to do so helps.

Give us examples of the major excuses? Did someone promise her to never send her to a nursing home? Did someone promise to take care of her the rest of her life no matter what and thus keep her out of a nursing home.

Whose real needs are really being addressed? Her needs or the needs of family members?

How about call a meeting that you inform everyone to with the understanding that if you don't attend unless for an extremely good reason that you will just have to live with and support whatever decision is made by who attends? An extremely good reason like a serious injury or near death of your spouse or child or the meltdown of an autistic child.

You can't let a few hold the others hostage while your mom's care is put on hold and your sister who is doing so much is about to collapse.

Did you know that about 40% of caregivers die before the person they are caring for do? Tell that to your benevolent siblings who never can attend a meeting.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to cmagnum
Report
Electroguy563 Jun 14, 2019
Thank you for the Baker Act information. I will research into it further.
(0)
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter