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87 year old triple stroke patient refuses to pass on peacefully, he is a Christian but with a caregiver wife who is 27 years his junior, married for 20 years.

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My brother hung around until his daughter and son arrived. Was weird, I swear he was at death’s door. He perked up so much that the nurse came in and asked if we were having a party in his room because he was laughing and reminiscing.

I thought he was going to walk out of the hospice facility. He had walked out one time before.

Nope, it was his last hurrah. He was at peace with dying after he saw his kids. I was the last one with him and told him to give daddy a hug and kiss for me when he saw him.

He died around this time of year in 2013, shortly before my birthday. It was hard to make his funeral arrangements. My daughter went with me and that made it easier.

Ever know someone that seemed to have nine lives like a cat? That was my brother. I can’t tell you how many times he should have died but didn’t.

One time he was on his beloved motorcycle and was literally hit by a man driving a truck. I don’t know how the doctor was able to put him back together but he did. The doctor told me he died but they were able to bring him back. That was a very long night in the ER.

He had several close calls. I lost count between the heroin overdoses and the accidents and difficulties in surgeries. Yeah, there is something inside of me that says if it’s not your time somehow you will pull through.

It’s interesting because I was talking to the hospice nurse the last time he was in there and she told me she has seen people die that she felt had more time and people live that should have died.

His nurses brought so much comfort not only to him but to our family. I will never forget their compassion. They took incredible care of the patients in that facility.

The chaplain was very caring. So was the social worker. Yes, it was heartbreaking to watch my brother die but I was comforted by everyone that truly reached out to us when we needed them most.
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Hope1928 Oct 13, 2019
My husband has survived three strokes, he has diabetes, COPD, congestive heart failure, has had pneumonia, diverticulitis, C. Diff., and now he is dually incontinent. His doctors just shake their heads in amazement when I wheel him in their offices. You go when it is your time...but it is so hard to watch the struggle. Thank you for sharing.
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No. They cannot. Nor can they "will themselves" to die unless they stop taking food and fluid. The heart, the lungs, the kidneys make these decisions. They are/they can be very stubborn about it, or very willing. When the cardiologists told my bro at 85 that he had an excellent ejection fraction on the heart tests he and I both replied "That's too bad". The pump will pump so long as it is able.
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Is there someone he hasn't said goodbye to. The week my Mom passed, everyone went to the home to say goodbye. We knew her passing would be soon. My nephew cannot drive because of disabilities. I took him to visit. We left at 1:30, Mom was pronounced 20 min later when the nurse checked on her. Even in her Dementia state Mom worried about my nephew, his had Mom died. The nurse told me she believes they wait to say goodbye. Even if its just hearing a voice over the phone.

So, again, is there someone they need to say goodbye to.
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Sometimes, a person needs to hear that it's OKAY to let go and to die. Sometimes, they feel the need to hang on, to stay here, for US, for their loved ones' sake, or for a reason we're unaware of. When my father was dying with hospice, his vital signs were still normal, although his breathing had become labored. He was hanging on and on and ON and it had become confusing. The wonderful hospice nurse took me aside. She told me to TELL dad that it was okay to let go, that we'd be fine, that I'd take care of mom and keep everything in order. She told me to have mom tell him the same thing. Then she told me to have EVERYONE leave the room, that dad may want to be alone to pass away, without leaving us with such a memory.

So we told dad what we needed to tell him, and I packed everyone up, and we left his room. We went out to dinner as a family, and when we returned a few hours later, dad's vital signs had dropped dramatically. He passed away that same night.

I fully believe that a person DOES have some control over when they transition.

Best of luck to you during this difficult time.
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Hope1928 Oct 13, 2019
Thank you very much.
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No one can really tell what life really means to anyone. What “wills” someone to do anything comes from whatever we consider to be in a realm that may be physical or mental or spiritual or religious or inexplicable within the parameters of what we consider human thought.

If we are speaking of a man of Faith, are we willing to assume that his Heavenly Father is allowing the time that he is requesting? Having assumed that as true, might there be tasks left to him that he expects to accomplish before departing?

For all of what we may consider the lost wishes and hopes of those for whom we care, is it within the scope of our abilities to assume that we know the quality of life within which they exist?

I have no answer, but perhaps those older than I may be closer to knowing Thea swear than we may think.
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I think that the will to live is inherent in all humans.

If you are asking if this person (your husband?) is making a conscious choice, I doubt it. Is hospice involved?
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I think everyone wants to die in their sleep but few are granted that wish. I don't know why some people pass swiftly and easily and others linger on forever, I do know that my mom was afraid to die and struggled until her very last breath.
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Hope1928 Oct 13, 2019
I can relate. I am sorry for the loss of your Mom.
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I think I would have a hard time judging that another human being who refused to give up on life feels that he has zero quality of life. The circumstances must be hard on everyone.
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