Sibling has POA and when sibling is mad at me about things unrelated to POA, she will not share information about my parent. Sibling can be mad at me for anything and she will stop letting me see parent.
Thank you! I called the NH to speak with administrator. We had 3 way call and that gave the administrator to hear how much my parent wanted to see me. I will also be visiting parent in two weeks and meeting with the administrator. You are correct. There was a past issue that that was extremely petty. The administrators spoke with sibling in private and suggested to sibling to drop how sibling feels, forget about the past, and to move forward. I regard to proof, yes I do have it. :) Sibling has no evidence of phone calls and I called her on it and it could not be denied. Also have a witness. Thank you !
IMO, POAs should be drawn up by a Lawyer witnessed and notarized in the office. The person being assigned should be present and also signs that they take on the responsibilities as POA and understands what those responsibilities are because the Lawyer has explained it all to them.
When a person is assigned POA they are the principles representative and act for the principle the way the POA reads. As a representative, the POA does not reveal any info concerning the parents finances. Same with Medical. DPOAs are not usually in effect until the principle is found incompetent to handle their own affairs by one or two Doctors. There is an immediate DPOA which means its in effect as soon as the Principle signs it.
Now with Medical, I really think if there are other children they have a right to know about Moms health. Since my Mom was an open book about her life, I know she would have kept nothing away from her kids concerning her health. My brothers never asked about her finances. If they had, I would have just said "all is good for now".
Unless when you visit Mom you cause some kind of problem, your sister cannot keep u from seeing her. A problem would be Mom showing some anxiety or gets upset when ur around. You make demands of the staff or disruptive in any way if she is in a NH. Yes, she can ban u from seeing Mom. If Mom is living in sisters home, and your disruptive there, your sister has a right to not allow you in her house. But because she is mad at you for something, not an excuse.
I also think when proof of POA is requested, the person assigned should, by law, produce a document. I feel that a lawyer drawing it up can look at the situation and make sure the principle is of sound mind and not being coerced. This can't happen when a POA is downloaded from an internet even if notarized.
DPOA are being used more and more to the point that laws need to be place to protect the principle from fraud. Some people are assigned without even knowing it. That isn't fair because being POA carries a lot of responsibility wuth it. I was there with my Mom when her POAs were drawn up and was not asked to sign anything saying I excepted the position.
If Mom is competent and wants to see you, your sister really has no say.
POA is supposed to simply be the 'voice' of reason for an elder who can no longer make critical, safe decisions. Some people take it to mean that they are now in charge of the person's entire life.
If you are OK with THAT dynamic, then leave it be.
If you are NOT, prepare for battle!
My YB is mom's POA, only for medical, but he will NOT share ANYTHING with ANYBODY. Partly b/c he and mother have a very sick, weird relationship and he feels the need to control her. Also partly b/c he will not allow anyone else to be involved in her care.
I'm done trying to help. Whatever I'd do, even if mother ASKED me to do it, would come back to bite me. Usually in the form of a hissy fit on YB's side. Mother would then back him up and I'd be sitting there like an idiot, trying to explain that she'd ASKED me for help.
If you have serious concerns, contact an attorney. You hate to go that way, I know, but if you have worries, do so. Be aware that this can cause future fractures in the framework of your relationship, but it is what it is.
I think contacting an attorney may give OP peace of mind. Maybe the one who drew the POA up. Sister may need to be told what her responsibilities are. Like "as your mothers lawyer it has come to my attention that you are keeping a sibling from visiting her. Unless this sibling is disruptive in some way, you cannot ban them from seeing their mother."
Get a Law to do the paper work there laws that will charge about 300 And if our grandmother is in her right she can come home as long she prover there someone there all time I would ask her to show you paper work said I would like to see how did the paper and if she did not get a lawyer she don't have power of Attorney
Whether or not your sibling shares information with you about your parent ought not to depend on whether or not you have annoyed her.
There may still be information which the POA sibling is correct to withhold. I am only making the point that the decision to withhold information should be on the grounds of confidentiality or similar issues, and not about your being in her good books; but you don't have an automatic right to be told anything much.
Getting to see your parent is another matter. This has nothing to do with your right to see your parent, and everything to do with your parent's right to a relationship with you. There can be good reasons for a POA to decide that it is not in a parent's best interests to have contact with a child, including but not limited to risk of financial, emotional or other forms of abuse. The sibling's personally being mad at you would not constitute a good enough reason on its own.
But it then gets complicated. If the parent lives with your sibling, so that your seeing the parent necessitates your being in the sibling's own home, it becomes difficult to insist that the sibling allows you into her home when you just don't get on.
It always makes me sigh when people approach situations like this demanding to know whether the POA has a legal leg to stand on. Why don't people ever seem to ask how to avoid pissing each other off?
If the parent is not competent then the POA does, yes, have the power. As far as sharing information, either medical or financial, the POA normally should not/does not have to share any information with anyone else. This is private information belonging to the person no longer able to act in his or her own behalf. The POA is the lion (lionese) at the gate. More bees are attracted to honey. I would see to it that there is no reason to be "mad" at you. I would offer support and help only. I would ask that information your sibling feels is relevant be shared. Leave it in his (her) hands. The lack of any power struggle will only benefit you.
Twisted sissie 2 for the same thing after I had cared for mom for four years! Doesn't make much sense does it. As POA it is actually their job to keep mom's business confidential. However, when this happens I think they are actually on a power trip. Just plain nastiness!
This played out in my own family. Sibling with POA would not discuss care issues and/or would restrict visits with the non-POA sibling regarding their mother. Just because she was mad about something. Are you asking if there's anything you can do about it?
When a person is assigned POA they are the principles representative and act for the principle the way the POA reads. As a representative, the POA does not reveal any info concerning the parents finances. Same with Medical. DPOAs are not usually in effect until the principle is found incompetent to handle their own affairs by one or two Doctors. There is an immediate DPOA which means its in effect as soon as the Principle signs it.
Now with Medical, I really think if there are other children they have a right to know about Moms health. Since my Mom was an open book about her life, I know she would have kept nothing away from her kids concerning her health. My brothers never asked about her finances. If they had, I would have just said "all is good for now".
Unless when you visit Mom you cause some kind of problem, your sister cannot keep u from seeing her. A problem would be Mom showing some anxiety or gets upset when ur around. You make demands of the staff or disruptive in any way if she is in a NH. Yes, she can ban u from seeing Mom. If Mom is living in sisters home, and your disruptive there, your sister has a right to not allow you in her house. But because she is mad at you for something, not an excuse.
I also think when proof of POA is requested, the person assigned should, by law, produce a document. I feel that a lawyer drawing it up can look at the situation and make sure the principle is of sound mind and not being coerced. This can't happen when a POA is downloaded from an internet even if notarized.
DPOA are being used more and more to the point that laws need to be place to protect the principle from fraud. Some people are assigned without even knowing it. That isn't fair because being POA carries a lot of responsibility wuth it. I was there with my Mom when her POAs were drawn up and was not asked to sign anything saying I excepted the position.
If Mom is competent and wants to see you, your sister really has no say.
I downloaded the DPOA, DMCPOA and Mental Health POA from my state attorney general website and they were accepted by everyone, even out of state.
Not everyone has the financial wherewithal to pay an attorney but, that shouldn't stop them from getting these documents in place.
POA is supposed to simply be the 'voice' of reason for an elder who can no longer make critical, safe decisions. Some people take it to mean that they are now in charge of the person's entire life.
If you are OK with THAT dynamic, then leave it be.
If you are NOT, prepare for battle!
My YB is mom's POA, only for medical, but he will NOT share ANYTHING with ANYBODY. Partly b/c he and mother have a very sick, weird relationship and he feels the need to control her. Also partly b/c he will not allow anyone else to be involved in her care.
I'm done trying to help. Whatever I'd do, even if mother ASKED me to do it, would come back to bite me. Usually in the form of a hissy fit on YB's side. Mother would then back him up and I'd be sitting there like an idiot, trying to explain that she'd ASKED me for help.
If you have serious concerns, contact an attorney. You hate to go that way, I know, but if you have worries, do so. Be aware that this can cause future fractures in the framework of your relationship, but it is what it is.
There may still be information which the POA sibling is correct to withhold. I am only making the point that the decision to withhold information should be on the grounds of confidentiality or similar issues, and not about your being in her good books; but you don't have an automatic right to be told anything much.
Getting to see your parent is another matter. This has nothing to do with your right to see your parent, and everything to do with your parent's right to a relationship with you. There can be good reasons for a POA to decide that it is not in a parent's best interests to have contact with a child, including but not limited to risk of financial, emotional or other forms of abuse. The sibling's personally being mad at you would not constitute a good enough reason on its own.
But it then gets complicated. If the parent lives with your sibling, so that your seeing the parent necessitates your being in the sibling's own home, it becomes difficult to insist that the sibling allows you into her home when you just don't get on.
It always makes me sigh when people approach situations like this demanding to know whether the POA has a legal leg to stand on. Why don't people ever seem to ask how to avoid pissing each other off?
The POA is the lion (lionese) at the gate. More bees are attracted to honey. I would see to it that there is no reason to be "mad" at you. I would offer support and help only. I would ask that information your sibling feels is relevant be shared. Leave it in his (her) hands. The lack of any power struggle will only benefit you.