I have been paying an extra $1600 a month to mom's memory care because she is a two person lift SOMETIMES. Today they called and said they want to use a Hoyer lift from now on because she doesn't want to bear weight anymore to transfer to the toilet. (Reminder: Mom was walking before she went to the rehab after losing muscle strength from a fall). Mom was terrified of the lift and screamed and cried every time she was lifted while back in the rehab in June before transferring to memory care. I told the nurse that mom will lose her last shred of dignity if they start using it and making her use a bedpan, and will probably scream in terror every time they move her. I've come to care about the other residents there, so not only am I distraught for my mom, I'm so worried about how this will affect the rest of the residents AND how the staff's attitude will change to ward her when she becomes a "problem patient." Please share any experience you've had that might help in this situation.
Physical therapy is painful and no one ‘wants’ to do it. Muscle strength will decrease when it is not exercised. No therapist can make your mom do what is good for her.
Since she has deteriorated one of two things are happening. She is refusing the therapy or her body is no longer able to heal and is in end stage of life. One of these options can be changed.
I think you to figure out where to source problem is and work from there.
4 years later, my mother lived in Memory Care Assisted Living and wound up falling off the toilet constantly, up to 3x in one day. Was that a "better" situation than what's being offered to your mother? She had to be picked up by the 6'4 former marine RN on duty, and she hated that.
Would you prefer mother be asked to leave her current AL and be forced into a SNF where a Hoyer lift will again be used?
Dementia and old age is a no win situation for all concerned. What's left of their dignity is stripped away from them, one way or another, in addition to their language skills, and all their brain power as they're reduced to a mere shell of who they once were. We get to witness the misery and advocate for them to the best of our ability, w/o going overboard.
Aides are not going to rupture their backs carrying your mother back and forth to the toilet numerous times a day. That's a cruel and unrealistic expectation of you to have as a way to preserve moms dignity. At their expense. This is a time when you must accept the least of the bad decisions, realizing they're ALL bad decisions now. Sad but true.
Another unrealistic expectation is to come to a forum of strangers and think we'll be able to know your particular situation exactly, w/o you giving any details or filling out your profile, then getting angry at our responses. We can only give you advice based on the limited information you've given us!
I hope you can accept the condition your mother is in now, and the limited options available to her. I honestly used to pray to God to take my poor mother out of her misery for 2 yrs before He did. She lived to 95, having fallen 95x, wheelchair bound and incontinent, complaining in misery every day of her life. It was very difficult for all of us.
I wish you peace and strength as you do what you can here.
Hopefully she will get used to it in time.
Figure out your options if you think it will be a problem for your mother and the facility gives you a hard time. Always best to have a plan.
There is nothing undignified about a Hoyer lift. It is a piece of machinery that helps get the job done without an aide having to destroy her back.
My father needs one too. He has dementia but is okay with having to use it thankfully.
And, she may soon become more than they can manage.
They're letting you know now the tools they will need to continue caring for her. You should start looking now at options available if you have to move her to another care facility.
Talk to her doctor about prescribing a medication to ease her anxiety.
My mom had to use a Hoyer lift to leave her bed for the last couple of years of her life. Eventually she accepted it, perhaps because she forgot anything else. If your mom can't use a toilet and if you're going to make a fuss over the Hoyer and the bedpan, mom can wear disposable briefs. Another option is that she take calming meds. Run that by her doctor.
Please don't deny the realities of the disease mom has. Mom's walking before she went to rehab has nothing to do with how she is now. With dementia, her abilities will cease one by one. There is no getting better. There is no 'retraining' her. I care about the residents of my husband's MC also, and we do not need to worry about the other residents becoming frantic over a patient's freaking out over toileting issues. The staff knows how to handle it. They deal with problem patients all the time, and if they are well-trained, nothing will upset them. They will remain cheerful, helpful and calm toward your mom.
You're expecting the impossible of mom. She can't do it, you're foreseeing all sorts of dire consequences, and the truth is that you can't do anything about this horrible disease that has disabled her. It will get worse, much worse, and throwing up roadblocks to her care while making predictions about the imagined consequences does no one any good. Start thinking of her care team as YOUR team. Work together with them, which requires your understanding and acceptance of mom's condition. Acceptance may require further educating yourself about dementia, and this forum is a good place to start.