I am an alcoholic, 2 years sober. I am 55. My brother has decided that I am a danger to our Mom because of my disease. I live in MN and my Mom lives in CA. I have no money to fly out there and how dangerous can a phone call or a text be?
POA (my brother) hates me and hopes my husband and I die in a horrific car accident (I have the audio). I became an alcoholic just to hurt him. I have the audio.
The front desk at her condo building will not even tell her that I called and that I love her.
How can I get her a Mother's Day card and make sure she gets it?
JJessica, have you spoken to APS and or an elder care attorney about what you can do, if anything? Wishing you the best.
See https://tinyurl.com/mrc3k9y4 for what the consensus is re: this issue.
Your brother either has REASON to believe from history that you were a danger to Mom's well being, or he is being unreasonable. As we strangers out here don't know either of you, nor the history, we couldn't possibly guess. But unless he is a cruel man indeed I would write to him saying:
"Dear bro. I am aware of your reasons for not wishing any harm come to Mom from anyone, including me. I can't tell you how much I admire you care of her, and your wish to protect her. I believe I am a changed man; I have worked very hard to be one, and I would like to be some support to Mom and to you if I am able.
Would you allow me to send cards and letters open to your pre-reading, through you to Mom. I can promise you I will say nothing whatsoever to disturb her well being. I simply want to send pretty cards, letters, flowers, and if you tell me her needs other small gifts to support her. I understand your right to make decisions now for mom and I will abide by your wishes. Love from Jessica.
Worth a try? I hope so.
Maybe see if your brother will agree to a supervised call, where he is also listening in. Maybe offer to have your sponsor there with you also. The worst that can happen is he says no, so there's nothing to lose in asking.
Congrats on your sobriety! I once had a client who was sober for many years but his family continued to treat him with contempt. He told me they still think of him as The A**hole. I will never forget him telling me this because I could see how much pain it was still causing him.
I wish you peace in your heart as you live out your best life.
I'm sorry you're being prevented from showing love to your mom. Why does SHE not call YOU? Does she not have a phone? Why are calls routed thru the front desk? How would your mail be prevented from getting to her condo? Does bro live with her?
Good luck to you.
I wholly disagree. Speaking from experience from the one trying to protect the LO, that's not a good idea. Especially when the LO is incapacitated and "living in the past".
MIL had two very good friends. Friend 1 (F1) was supportive and understood why MIL was in MC. Friend 2 (F2) agreed with MIL that MIL was "kidnapped" and locked up against her will. F2 made so many problems, they (she and her husband) -- after several warnings to stop meddling -- had to be banned from any and all contact with MIL. F2 used F1's address trying to get stuff past the family/MC defenses. F2's contact was always focused on how they had 1) been banned for no reason, 2) how it wasn't fair because they were such good and loving friends and, 3) she had promised to break MIL out and was doing their best to get her back home.
The whole mess got F1 (by F2 using her return address, phone number, name), law enforcement, the state, the omsbudsman's office, the MC owner, and us sucked down the proverbial rabbit hole. It took months to undo the damages wrought by their deceptiveness. As if we didn't have enough on our hands as caregivers...