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Another tangential question to whether a person with dementia sometimes fakes dementia is can a person with dementia learn new things when they are adamant that they cannot?
I ask because my mother resisted doing her laundry at a new facility for months. I do believe she was having difficulty retaining the information even after the management marked the buttons "1" and "2" with a Sharpie..
However, when she repeatedly "took over" the task when we had someone helping her we decided to leave it in her hands. There were a couple of weeks with her asking for me (her daughter) to do it for her, but I kept reminding her, in the face of her denial of help, that we'd gotten help for her, but she wouldn't let them do the work.
Amazingly after a couple of weeks of reminding her why no-one was doing it for her she began doing it herself.
I have complimented her, as do the others in her home, on her accomplishment!
It seems that she did indeed have the ability to learn. And it has done wonders for her self-esteem to be able to do it all by herself!
I believe that even though it seemed cruel to resist stepping in and doing it for her IN THIS CASE it turned out that it was a good thing not to do it for her.
Does anyone else have stories to this effect, that show that there are abilities that would be easy to take over from their loved one, but they can do it if encouraged to do so?
I believe we are doing them a disfavor in some cases, although I know there are times. especially when danger is involved, when we need to step in.

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Tough one... My mother has forgotten how to use the TV remote she has used for 12 years yet she can remember details of something that made her angry 50 years ago. I would say essentially ‘no’ to new learning, but then she recently mastered and loves the iPad, so ‘yes’ to new learning. The specific criteria of what is learned or unlearned is a mystery to me, however.
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Replying solely from my own experience: When my mother could no longer remember how to work the washing machine she’d had for almost 20 years, I applied simple labels as prompts. As she needed me to do more and more for her and I couldn’t keep up, I hired in home care to do her laundry and make her lunch. She was livid. Sometimes she would work the machine or even re-wash her laundry to show she didn’t need hired help. But when she was alone and wanted laundry done, she ALWAYS had to get me.

I’m convinced that dementia is a breakdown anywhere in the brain, not a definable or patterned loss of abilities, or an “all or nothing” scenario. I look at it as including a breakdown of judgement, such that any action is acceptable in her mind if it achieves the outcome she desires. More helplessness = more of my time = good. Too much helplessness = hired help = bad. Although I don’t think it is reasoned through as such. More of a random mix of anger and an inability to articulate as she unconsciously tries to find that sweet spot.

My mother was assessed quickly in the ER by psych staff and weeks later during a full assessment as having advanced dementia. Thinks her parents are alive, has no idea where she lives, thinks I was pregnant with my 17 year old until 2 months ago, cannot consistently ID her 3 grandkids, IDs me and my husband 99% of the time, doesn’t know the days of the week, and thinks people slip in through the cracks around her windows, has no concept of safe food handling (cooked and baked a great deal pre-dementia), cannot compare or contrast the $ value between a diamond ring and a broken pair of scissors, just to name a few things.
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I doubt if your Mom is in a advanced stage. By the time my Mom was at that stage, she could do nothing for herself but feed herself.

What Brandee said surprises me. One reason my Mom was released from rehab is that she couldn't remember the exercises from day to day or understand what the therapist wanted from her.

Dementia is unpredictable. Each day is a different day. No rhyme or reason. What facility is she in that they expect residents to do there own laundry? Moms laundry was in the price of her room.
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Yes,

Mom--late stage alzheimers had one caregiver who worked with her on range of motion exercises. Mom memorized the pattern of the range of motion exercises. I was really impressed.
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I think once they settle in and get their bearings in a new environment that they might be able to manage some parts of tasks they did for years. To me it seems as if, when they move to a new place, it takes most if not all of their available mental resorces to handle the new input, and it takes weeks or months for them to get into a routine, because nothing looks familiar. I don't think they learn it, but if it's something familiar, maybe they can make sense of it and remember the steps.
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If a person actually has dementia they can't "fake" dementia since they actually have it. When my MIL had cognitive impairment and short-term memory loss, she forgot how to keep doing task she had done her whole life. When we transitioned her into a facility she adamantly refused to get out of bed, even though she could. Then because she wouldn't get out of bed, she eventually couldn't because she lost all her muscle tone. Then she adamantly refused to be put by lift into a wheel chair to eat and socialize with the others on her floor. Then covid hit, she got it, survived and has apparently forgotten that she adamantly never wanted to get out of bed to eat and social with others. Perhaps your mother "forgot" that she adamantly refused to do her laundry? Dementia is a weird disease that does weird things. It is progressive and makes changes to our LOs all the time that we can't see "suddenly". This was a long way for me to say no, I don't think a person with dementia can learn new things. I think dementia changes them so that it can appear that way. The person who learns new things is the person who is interacting with them. They learn new ways to engage their LO with dementia that are more fruitful and less stressful. I learned a lot by watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. Highly recommend them.
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