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The management company is telling us that only one person 45+ can reside in the house as a caregiver. We are married and he helps out financially while I take care of her.

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Make an appeal to the Board of Directors for an exception and ask to meet with the board to present your case personally - have your mom present. You would want to think they'd want to make it easier on the homeowner to stay in own home as long as possible. Maybe name both of you as caregivers? Management Co may or may not attend the meet with BOD.

Depending on the Board of Directors and whether they are the type of "letter of the law" or can take a more lenient position. If they go by the letter of the law you won't win.

Hoping for the best.
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Reply to cweissp
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The RE agent asked me about this when we were getting mom's condo ready to sell. It was a 55+ community. Our question was more about who could buy the place and live there - I was told so long as one was 55+, the spouse could live there. I'd also inquired about my YB living there, if he decided to do that (paying for utils and condo fees, re taxes, etc, vs selling.) He was 54 at the time. They were a little more yielding with that, given he was so close to the required age.

Mom's next door neighbor fell and broke her hip and wrist. Her adult son was staying there on a regular basis. I think perhaps he would stay a few weeks, then stop for a bit so as to fall under some kind of visiting rules.

The management company is the place to get more information. They set/enforce the "rules." Every "community" organization will have it's rules, so you have to get the details from them. The statement seems a little vague:

"The management company is telling us that only one person 45+ can reside in the house as a caregiver."

I would ask for clarification of this, because as written (if that's all they have), I should think the rules could be bent... I'm not suggesting you do that, but rather asking for more detail or a copy of the "rules." Even though you state one of you is providing the care, while the other helps out financially, this is "bending" the rule a bit too much. Financiers wouldn't be allowed to move in with the person they are financing!

Do you have your own residence? If so, can the "financial" person stay for the "visiting" limit, then return to your residence for a short while, then come back, as suggested above?

The only other option is to find another place (if you have a residence, move mom in with you, if there's room) and all live there, selling the 55+ place. The perks of a 55+ community is to avoid a lot of noise and confusion with having kids running around and non-elder adults whooping it up. If your mom isn't benefitting from this, it might make sense to move. Typically there are fees on top of RE taxes, so these places can become rather expensive to live in. You might find better accommodations at lower cost elsewhere.
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Reply to disgustedtoo
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Curious2, this is an interesting subject. One positive to the 45+ rule is that grand-children wouldn't be allowed to be live-in caregivers. I've seen on this forum where too many had quit college, and give up a career to be a caregiver. Plus give up finding Mr/Miss Right and getting married.

How old is your Mom/Mom-in-law? What are her health issues? Does she use all the amenities offered at the 55+ community? Swimming pool? The restaurants? The gym? The hiking trails? Tennis? How long as she lived in this community?

Why I ask is she getting her monies worth? My Dad when it was time he needed someone to look after him, he hired caregivers around the clock [three 8-hour shifts] when he lived at his house. He then found it was less expensive moving to a senior facility paying rent on a nice 2 bedroom apartment. He was still able to budget for a day caregiver [one shift] so he would have the same smiling face each morning and the same routine. And have the Staff at night if he needed help.

Dad never asked me to stop my career or move from my house to live with him. He wanted to keep being able to make decisions for himself for as long as he could. Eventually he moved into their Memory Center, which was great as it was the same Staff :)

Food for thought.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Good topic, I never even thought about this. I have my eye on a senior community that is just starting to be built just around the corner. Every year it feels like my single family home keeps getting bigger and bigger. And my yard feels like it is doubling in size. And trying to find people to do work around the house is getting harder and harder.

There is a positive to that 45+ rule, that would keep grand-children away from being the main caregiver if needed. My sig-other thinks it would be ok to call on his grand-daughters to be caregivers should we need help. Thankfully they are still in their teen age years. By the time they are 45, we would be long gone... whew.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Just a little more info. It does not have to be an HOA thats involved. It can be HUD that makes the rules. We have a HUD subsidized apartments for seniors. Only the renter can live there. A Caregiver has to get permission to live in. Low income housing and apts that tend towards 55 and up that allow HUD, HUD determines who can live with the person receiving the voucher. And those not on HUD, the owner of the apartments determines if anyone under 55 can live with a renter as a Caregiver.

These places are not being unfair. These are the rules. Thats what 55 and up Communities are all about.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Every HOA is different so read the bylaws. When someone purchases these types of condos, it is important to understand before purchasing. A 55 plus across my street were really restrictive. The son with a dog was not allowed to temporarily live in his deceased parents home so it became a double expense when he had to seek housing until the house sold. You can appeal for an exemption with the board
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Reply to MACinCT
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I am with Garden. Where I live there are 55 and up trailer parks, appts and communities. All do not allow anyone under 55 to live there. No children especially. I agree read your Moms contract but u will probably find that only one person can live with her and that has to a Caregiver.

Does this Community have an IL, AL and then LTC. If Mom is inbthe IL may be time to switch her to AL.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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These planned communities are to me so restrictive and controlling that I could never consider one.    I had the opportunity to read the By-Laws and restrictive covenants when the law firm for which I worked handled some aspect of the real estate acquisition process.   The document, depending on its focus, is sometimes recorded in the Register of Deeds while the ones that affect the residential lifestyle are address in another document and provided to residents.

I recall that the management either voluntarily or had the obligation to inform potential and actual residents of the governing regs, by providing copies.  

If the managers are telling you that only one person over 45 can live with someone, even if another is caring for that individual, I would advise as others have:   ask for a copy of all the applicable governing regs, and read them for yourself.  If the only one person is incorporated into the recorded and/or governing documents, you really don't have a choice but to look elsewhere.

I doubt any attorney would challenge these kinds of regs; knowing how commercial communities are developed, more than likely the regs were developed by counsel, and are air tight.

These kinds of restrictions make my blood boil.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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Get out those CC&Rs and read them. That's where your answer will be. HOAs can be a real pain, especially in cases like this.
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Reply to MJ1929
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Not sure if one or both of you are her PoA, but I'm thinking this would be helpful if you pursue this with an attorney. Regardless, you mom needs these protections in place no matter what the scenario.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I guess you will need to read the fine print in their contract. I hope you prevail. I would think they would want to do all they can for the sake of safety, but it may not always be the case. You may also want to consult an elder law attorney with the contract to see if there is some fine point of the law that will pertain in your particular town and area.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Usually only one person over the age of 19 is allowed to live in as a caregiver but it really depends on the HOA contract. You need to read it carefully. I realize that it would be easier and more reasonable if you and your partner could live with your Mom as caregivers but if that is indeed what the contract says, you can spend money fighting it but you will very probably lose and have to pay court costs.
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Reply to geddyupgo
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