Hello Everyone! I hope your day is going well! This is my first submission but I'm hoping someone can sincerely assist me.
Back Story:
My Granny has dementia and over the course of 4 years she has deteriorated drastically because my Grandfather (her spouse and Primary POA Agent) allowed her to drink large quantities of beer daily. I aggressively tried to stop this but I was unsuccessful because every last person in this family are alcoholics. My father, grandparent, siblings, uncles, some cousins, even the guest. In addition, my Grandfather made it very known to me when I confronted him, that was his house, that's his wife, and I don't control anything. I realized everyone was against me and supported my grandfather. Even with me begging for help, only one person stood by me attempting to guide me, now she's deceased. Therefore, I stayed my distance because I wasn't going to just idly stand by and watch this happen to my Granny. I did however, contact APS and reported my grandfather for passive neglect since he's the primary POA. I wanted to take him to court but because of the pandemic the APS and courts weren't operating properly. However, I still handled the medical business on behalf of my Granny. I contacted Catholic Charities and got her services, talked to her doctor, every time the family contacted me when my Granny went to the hospital I was there, engaging with all doctors, specialist, nurses, etc.
Current Situation:
My younger sister with the assistance of two non-blood relatives (who participated in drinking or stood idly by) are trying to create a neglect case against me. My Grandfather fell so many times because of his intoxication that now he's in a wheelchair because he broke his knee and I had my older sister contact the paramedics last month because my Granny's foot didn't look right. When she was being discharged, the hospital contacted my uncle, him and a neighbor came to the hospital to pick up my Granny (intoxicated), so they wouldn't release her to them and notated her as being neglected. However, they were suppose to contact my Grandfather and/or myself but they never did. The next day when I was informed I sprung into action and contacted the hospital, social worker, patient representative, etc. The non-blood relative recommended I temporarily place my Granny into a Skilled Nursing facility and that would give the family time to create a care plan and that's exactly what I did. The way the facility conducted business wasn't up to my older sister and my standards, therefore, we informed them that we will be discharging her from the place. On the day we were suppose to get her, I informed them we were still coming but I'll call them first to get her ready because we were going to have a family meeting because the younger sister wanted to see bank statements and the actual POA documents. In order for her to assist in the care plan, we needed to ease her mind, so we brought them. Instead of her coming to the meeting, she went and took our Granny without notifying us. Nor, did the facility notify us. She was on the list to be allowed to share information, not take our Granny from the facility. I also, gave them the POA document, that the facility seems to not be able to locate all of a sudden. Now she and the other 2 people are trying to create a case against me and my older sister, saying we're neglectful, financially exploiting her, and went as far as to create group messages saying all type of lies. Some family members are believing her while others know she's lying because everyone knows this just didn't happen. All of them contributed to the current situation. In addition, my Grandfather just gave me permission to make decisions for my Granny without his interferences but he's still primary.
My older sister and I are still moving forward with our Granny's care plan. Getting her reassess for more services, needed medical supplies (hospital bed, Adult Day Care, more Home-Aide services, etc.
Your question turns not so much on the issues raised by on the legal questions, i.e., whether or not there's a legitimate claim, and whether or not the individual filing suit has "standing" to do so, but on the legitimacy of the issues themselves.
The secondary proxy could file a suit, but whether or not the court would consider it valid and whether or not it meets legal criteria is the primary consideration. Any defense attorney would likely know this, and could file a motion to dismiss for lack of specificity, legal standing or other legal issue.
Thus, any suit might not get past the answer stage or even into the issues if a motion to dismiss is filed and granted. Or it might last until pre-trial and be addressed more in depth at that point.
You need to be consulting an attorney well versed in who has standing to file issues, as well as estate planning documents, and negative and frictional family interactions. (That's not a criticism, but this is the kind of situation that some attorneys won't touch b/c of the family issues.)
Number 2 is that your grandparents doctors are likely aware of the alcoholism.
My concern is that you seem to have willingly taken on the care of non coop-erating alcoholics. That is not going to work, to be honest.
You cannot change others. Your grandparents have chosen alcoholism. You need to step away and let things hit the fan as they do, allow the state to take over their care as guardians. They will be placed in all likelihood for their own safety.
No one can give you permission to act for another person EXCEPT for that person herself in your grandmother's case. Your grandfather has no right to give you control over your grandmother.
Please consider attending both an attorney to be certain you are doing POA correctly (their finances do pay for that), and please register and attend Al-Anon where you will be informed about valuable resources available and where you will learn first of all that your choices with alcoholics is to stay or to go. There is no "changing them". This will also show your due diligence in attempting to help you grandparents.
Were I you I would resign my POA and get away from these two at once. It is up to you the choices you make for your own life, and do know I wish you much luck and the very best.
In the USA anyone can sue for any reason, doesn't mean they can win. If she actually follows through, fight back by filing a counter suit. That is usually enough to stop the nonsense.
Where is granny now?
Her doctor and the hospital diagnosed her with dementia.
My sister (who wasn't authorized to discharge our Granny) took her from the Skilled Nursing Facility she was at. So, now she's temporarily with her.
Please note that we are lay people and that laws vary by state. We also can't know all the details of your circumstances, therefore you should really be taking this to an elder law attorney for your Granny's home state. This is a global forum, so you may not even get advice that relates to the US.
Does your Granny have an actual medical diagnosis of dementia from a doctor? If not, and people have been acting on her behalf, this is a problem and it needs to stop until the criteria for activating the PoA is met. Also fyi alcoholism can cause a type of dementia, but she could have dementia for other reasons as well. Many elders who never drank develop dementia.
A PoA is under no obligation ever to "prove" it to anyone unless they are court ordered to do so.
Are you listed as a secondary PoA on her document? If so and your Grandfather wants you to take over for him, he needs to resign in a way that is legal (you will need to check on what that looks like for his home state). If you are not listed as a secondary PoA then your Granny, if competent, needs to assign you as her PoA. If you aren't listed, and Granny is no longer competent, then you are out of luck unless you want to spend a lot of money pursuing guardianship.
Part of your problem is self-inflicted because you seem to have gone into this without knowing who legally able to do what and when. In court, "ignorance" is not a defense.
A lot of messy stuff has transpired and you need to think long and hard as to whether you really want to be the main caregiver/PoA for Granny. There is a lot of contention in your family and this is why I think you really need to lawyer up, and your Grandparents are really responsible to pay for this, not you.
We live in Illinois.
I am her secondary PoA.
My Granny raised us when our mother abandoned us, so I can't walk away without fighting this. I owe that much to her. There's a reason she didn't choose my other sister. However, I do agree with you regarding the contention in my family. Unfortunately, I can only control how I move regarding this delicate issue.
I sincerely thank you for taking the time out to read and comment on my question. I truly appreciate your input.