My half-sister has always had some excuse to not work and for many years has asked my parents for her monthly bill money and they provide it to avoid having to take her emotional and verbal abuse. Now that I take care of my parents, my husband and I manage their bank account for them, paying their bills, dr appts, groceries etc. The sister still expects her monthly bill money and now harasses and verbally abuses me to get it. NO is not a word she understands or cares about. Is this a situation that an attorney can help me with. I'm at my wits end and this has to end. Who might I go to to help?

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It sounds like your parents were vulnerable adults which she harassed until they paid - that's illegal in most places. I would call my parents' attorney, the social worker at Adult Protective Services, and the police, and give them the facts and see what they advise you to do. It won't involve giving sis any more money, but it may involve recording incidents in paper and video as well as having a fraud alert on all their money and real estate titles.

My SIL was really unhappy when she found out that her father, to whom she yelled at and was given money for years, cut her out of the will except for a smaller cash portion. As he said, she'd already gotten her inheritance! If they are capable, allowing them to change the will to reflect her portion being paid out in advance might be a good idea and have them state that reasoning in the will as well.
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Reply to surprise

Start recording her phone calls, keep good records, if she does stop harassing you and your parents, get a restraining order against her. Then block her from everything. If you do not have your parents POA, get it, and talk to the attorney about the issues you are currently having with your sister. Get something in writing from your parents saying that they no longer will pay your sisters bills.
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Reply to DollyMe

I was in this situation for years with my youngest son. He just has a basic criminal mentality and thinks nothing of harassment and moderate violence to achieve what he wants. He has stolen from employers stolen from me. He really should be in jail but always knows just how far he can go We bailed him out so many times. His uncle is the same and also his cousin so it is definitely some kind of mental and personality disorder passed down the genes. The only way we got away from him was the same way his grandparents did from the uncle Moved to another state and cut him off

I am am thinking this is what has happened with your parents and now to you. She escalates the threats and violence until she gets her money. You should be prepared for escalation and should get legal advice. You cannot change her. And you are right no is not I word she understands she will just find another way. You should prepare for harder days to come.
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Reply to PandabearAUS

If she is harassing you, I have a feeling your parents are in that same boat just maybe in the way of guilt trips.

In the case of my sister, my son called and says if he doesn’t get this amount of money he is going back to jail. If you don’t help me get money for bus fare, he is going to lose his job. If you don’t help me pay my one bill contribution to the household (cable TV) we going to lose service until next payday. If you don’t sell some cattle your other child is going to lose his vehicle. They say they coming to get it Friday.

So in other words, I don’t know if this problem will ever be contained let alone eliminated. In my case, even if you put some cash in your parents’ hands, I can assure you, once you turn your back, they will have it and you’ll be hurt because your goal was to protect and they (your parents) are not helping.
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Reply to answry

Is there a way to record these instances? Write down dates times and length of time. Plus record her. Create a list of evidence. Make sure in the video to mention that you are recording her. If she does not say to stop then show it to a judge and request a restraining order as a last resort. Show it to her and remind her that she will risk being arrested.
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Reply to MACinCT

I think you do need to see an attorney to determine where you and your step dad are vulnerable.
Do you currently have legal authority to manage his assets?
Have you secured representative payee status with SS in order to legally manage his check?
Does he still drive? Does she have access to him?
You may need to file for guardianship in order to protect him and secure your legal status to make decisions for him.
Come back and let us know what you find out. We learn from one another.
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Reply to 97yroldmom

Tough one. I don't think blanket "no, don't give it to her" is sufficient without more info. When your parents were able to manage their own money, they CHOSE to get out their checkbook and write her a check. If they felt harassed or abused, they could have called the police or just said no. Since they didn't, then some might say that they gave monthly money to her on their own free will, and would likely continue to do so if they could. And, if you are now responsible for their money, shouldn't you continue to do what they would do if they could?

However, if money is now an issue because their funds are needed to go to making sure they have whatever services and care that are needed for them at this point in time, then this would be a good time to have a discussion with your half-sister to say that even if your parents could manage their money, they would no longer be able to afford to help her because their own needs must come first.
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Reply to SofiaAmirpoor

Do you have financial POA? If your parents handed their finances over to you then its your responsibility to take care of their money.

What a lawyer may be able to do is write a letter telling sister to cease the harrassment. That you are noe in control of parents finances and as such she will no longer be getting any help.
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Reply to JoAnn29

An attorney can't help you stand up for yourself. That's something you have to do on your own.
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Reply to needtowashhair
Shane1124 Jul 13, 2019
Agree. I wouldn’t just cut your half sister off without notice. But it’s your parent’s decision and that’s where they want their money to go, thus if they are mentally competent they should do what they want with their money.

I’m not going to talk about the possible news for Medicaid and spend down as a few posters have mentioned it.
I'm not sure what you are asking here... can an attorney make your sister less selfish and more responsible? Don't think so. An attorney may be able to help get some sort of restraining order if your sister's harassment meets the definition of a stalker. Your parents have rewarded your sister's bad behavior, so it will be difficult to change it.

If your parents ever need to qualify for Medicaid, then all these "gifts" to your sister over the preceding five years will have to be repaid before they can qualify.

People who harass me find it's not worth it. I block their number on my phone. If they leave a vm I will listen until I hear a whine or angry voice, then I just delete it. If there's something threatening, then I download that vm as future evidence. Ditto with texts and email, although I keep most of these in a folder as future evidence. Show up at my door and I tell you to leave. If you don't leave when requested I call the sheriff's office to help you leave; after the second or third time they arrive to help the same person leave, the deputies start charging them with trespass. When I have enough evidence, I go to court for a restraining or protective order. When the person violates the court order, I document and take them back to court so they can deal with the judge for contempt of court. In my county is easier to spend a night in jail for contempt of court than selling drugs or stealing.

I strongly believe in rewarding the behavior you want to see repeated. So a polite text message will get a polite response. Harassing messages are ignored.

A piece of paper will not keep you safe. It can discourage an harasser if you show you will always follow through because the cops and courts can do unpleasant things to them. Security cameras covering your doorway and drive can provide very compelling evidence. It only took my estranged brother a few trips to court (with accompanying fines) and a night in jail to decide to "be nice".
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Reply to TNtechie

You can't just decide on your own, just like that, that your half sister can't have any money.

Which parent do you share? Is money an issue for your parents - that is, can they easily afford the money they have been giving her, and it is certain that they will continue to be able to? Is the parent who is her parent mentally competent or not?

If the parent remains competent, paying this money to your half-sister is still that parent's decision. You can strongly recommend that the payments cease, you can warn of the potential pitfalls, you can protest, you can to an extent protect them from her by raising the issue of elder abuse and warning her that it will not be tolerated. But in the end you can't just say no if the parent is saying yes.

If your parents are no longer able to understand and manage financial decisions, and if you are also responsible for managing their money so as to ensure their financial security, and you have Power of Attorney, then you can end your sister's demands by not giving her any money. The harassment and verbal abuse you can deal with as you would any other harassment and verbal abuse, by recording and reporting incidents to the relevant authorities. You can involve an attorney if you can't see your local police being very helpful, but I'd be careful. If it aggravates the situation instead of curing it, it could all get terribly expensive and even more stressful.

When you say your half-sister "has always had some excuse" - would we agree that she is making excuses, or does she in fact have significant, material problems that might make a difference to how this situation looks? It could be that tackling this from the other side - supporting her constructively rather than cutting her off from help - would be more productive.
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Reply to Countrymouse

How old is your step-dad? Are you the DPOA (Durable Power of Attorney) for Finances for your step-dad? Are you the DPOA for Medical/Healthcare for your step-dad?  Are you the Social Security Payee for your step-dad? (SS does not accept DPOAs.) Is your step-dad on Medicaid or does he have too much income and property to qualify for Medicaid?

If your step-dad has Medicaid then ALL of his money HAS to go towards paying for his care. Any money given to half-sister will be considered a "GIFT" and will count AGAINST your step-dad’s eligibility for Medicaid. 

We need more information so that we can give appropriate suggestions regarding your situation.
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Reply to DeeAnna

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