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My friend has a professional caregiver who has been with her along time. My friend really likes her caregiver and appreciates everything about her caregiver, but she likes being friends with her as well. My friend wanted to know, can a caregiver and clients be friends? My friend doesn’t want to be confused because there is time to be professional and there is time to be friends. Bottom line, can they be friends? Also there are no inappropriate boundaries that I know of so I hope the best for my friend and her caregiver. They get along so well and bond well.

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https://www.agingcare.com/questions/emotional-abuseverbal-abuse-481131.htm

OP has another post. I think it will make things clear. I think she wrote in the 3rd party and that makes this confusing.
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I'm confused, too. The lack of punctuations doesn't help either.
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Selina1982 May 2023
You don’t understand people can’t always put punctuations in certain ways in a sentence man or woman!!! It’s called learning disability duh see you know nothing about other people listen good I was in special education classes through out elementary and all the way in high school got that sheesh learn the facts about people before you judge them including me!!! Not everyone is good with grammar however am in USA 🇺🇸 my language is English I know and understand everything you wrote about me on here.
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I am not sure what you mean. I have a caregiver I hired through an agency. I feel friendly toward her. We share stories about our families. She has her family, and I have mine. I would not invite her for Thanksgiving, or loan her money. However, if I had had her for years, and wanted to leave her something in my will, I would check with her employer.

Funny, you should bring this up since it is not you, do you suspect foul play?
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Selina1982 May 2023
Well it was a I think it was a friendship to me yes we have talked shared things we talked about life family any topic understand I felt close to her and she has even invited Over to her house long time ago so clearly she was misleading and very manipulative person caregiver understand she just wanted attention and the drama takes people time to see that ok I saw the truth about her as time went on ok people whoever they are DONT like the truth to come out so because of that now she getting resentful so it’s sad to treat and lie to it DONT matter who you are even if a job if am close to someone as time goes on I will become close and make you apart of my life if you chose to be close with me so it was one sided on her part now it’s coming on real bad!
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There seem to be two theads from Selina here, and the language is very different. I am very confused. One says she is asking for a friend and the other is as if she is the friend
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Seems to me ur friend has a gut feeling. Also seems the aide was the one that mentioned she wants to be friends. There, IMO, is a difference in being friendly and being a friend.

You friend is right, keep this relationship professional. Just keep it friendly. 8Some peoples definition of a friend is being able to ask something of them. Aides have been known to borrow money from a client and not pay it back. Known to take advantage in the name of friendship. I think your friend is smart.
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Selina1982 May 2023
Well Joann my friend was right All along she seen things to make sure something bad would not happen and it did and the caregiver only wanted money thankfully nobody has given her any money she never cared about being a caregiver so now updating I found out my friend both of us were abused emotionally and verbally abuse by the same caregiver ok so think about that this is something we don’t want to talk about but clearly the caregiver was manipulative towards us both and in violation of many rules she has been reported to one agency already I made the report I spoke to the owner of that agency today so pretty sure she will be confronted by the owner there or supervisor and the caregiver never kept anything private or professional to she lied about everything!
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I just read your response to Polar. If your friend told her that she wishes to have a professional relationship and the woman that she hired said that she wants to have a professional partnership and a friend ship, then that strikes me as odd.

We don’t hire people to be friends. We have friends. We hire someone to do a job. Sure, we can have a friendly manner but at the end of the day it is a business arrangement.
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Selina1982 May 2023
Well yes if it’s indeed that then my friend hopefully knows the difference and caregiver told my friend straight up I enjoy being your caregiver and your friend I do so if that the case then as long as there no problem or boundaries being crossed I would not worry I only will be concerned if I feel my friend is not herself and the caregiver is not making her feel like a person some people can be involved if there is something not right I feel it’s not odd at the moment or if the caregiver is verbal or petting fear into my friend and I to hope the caregiver is not causing trouble outside of the workplace the workplace is my friend place so if you like to add anything I just said you can.
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Friends usually do not discuss their friends with other friends, unless there is a problem.
Maybe ask why she is confiding in you, does she need your help to figure it out?
That is a red flag, the new friend may be pushy, controlling towards your friend, and she is too kind to say no to her.

Also, would you want your friend to be discussing you with her new friend and caregiver?
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Selina1982 May 2023
well my friend is in that situation plus I understand from my friend point of view indeed somethings are not allowed to be talked about but however in my friends situation she does have a disability so sometimes it’s difficult for her so yes as her friend I do need to know this and however if the caregiver is stepping over bounds I can encourage my friend to take action against her the provider if my friend feels uncomfortable I do encourage her to do something about it when people have disabilities like that she may have a hard time with that so I know she will do the right thing if the caregiver is crossing boundaries but I know she enjoys her because she does help with tasks and enjoys company at the same time who knows what will happen next.
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Your friend and her caregiver have a boss and hired help relationship. When friendship is put in the mix, it will complicate and potentially ruin both relationships. My recommendation is for your friend to be a very nice and friendly boss, but do not cross over into friendship.

Her caregiver needs to respect and follow orders and rules from your friend.
But friends don't follow orders and rules set by other friends. And friends are on equal footing.

The caregiver can quit if she doesn't like the job, but it's hard to quit on a friend.
Your friend can fire the caregiver if she stops doing a good job, but it's hard to fire a friend.

When one relationship is ruined, so is the other.

My personal rule: never do business with friends or family. Chances are both business and friendship/relation will be lost.

Your friend can tell her caregiver that she values her help so much that she does not want to risk losing it by complicating their relationship.
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Selina1982 May 2023
Well I sadly think polar bear it has crossed into that because my friend came back to me and she was confused she has asked her caregiver why can’t we stay professional? Caregiver replied to her I like you both as my client and as my friend to so my dear friend is alert but attached to her both ways so that does concern me but not completely because I know the caregiver intentions are not inappropriate if it was my friend who is her client first would have stopped and reported it already if she felt uncomfortable but I am not in this position but I care always for my friend but she tells me what’s going on so I pay attention to her.
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There's a fine line between being a caregiver and a friend, since so many personal experiences are shared between these two parties. While professional expectations should always be met, friendly banter and closeness is bound to arise after enough time is spent together.

I'm not sure what your question is, really. If there are no extras expected of this caregiver as a friend by the client, and the caregiver is not borrowing money or the sterling silver flatware, what's the problem? The problem begins if the friendship spills over into duties, causing the caregiver to blow them off bc now she has extra privileges as a "friend" vs an employee.
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Selina1982 May 2023
Your right I feel that my friend and her caregiver have it hit if off they get along most of the time and enjoy each other company most of the time she does need the help that why she hired her plus at the same time she the caregiver gets the job done and is reliable and my friend values her caregiver so this is why she enjoys both ways her as a caregiver and a friend.
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Selina,
When raising my son, I had housekeepers.
A friend went into business as a housekeeper, and I hired her.
Lost her as a friend and a housekeeper when she thought that my house was too clean and that I did not need a housekeeper.

She told me with other friends present, and quit publically.
It was really hard for her to clean my house and go out to lunch just after.
I understood.
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Selina1982 May 2023
Wow so you lost both in this person? She was both a housekeeper and a Friend to so you probably never seen her again or stayed friends anymore after she left? Also my friend is up there in age so yes I care about her very much sorry what happened to you.
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Are you talking about you? If so, its better to keep an aide and clients relationship professional IMO.
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Selina1982 May 2023
Well it was for a friend of mine she is with her caregiver for a very long time and my friend tells me a lot about them being close she is my best friend so I care about her and well being and if this caregiver makes her feel better overall and my friend tells me that the caregiver wants both professional and to maintain a friendship with her as well and my friend wants this to continue to so if there no inappropriate boundaries crossed I think they both should be fine don’t you think?
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