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I just wanted to add that my mom was not Abel to walk and was not very verbal so my choices were rather limited. Good luck
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Ilovemom, loved the letter, great idea. I also put on music. If that did not work i would take mom into her bedroom where it was quiet and no other distractions. If still upset, i would give 1/2 of a seroquel. My mom seemed to have a delayed reaction to some things. If a therapist was therein the morning, then she would become aggitated in the afternoon.
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You remove yourself from the situation and he will calm himself. Exercise, exercise, and give him a project he can do. Music in his long-term memory calms. This too shall pass...
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My mother doesn't remember current events but does have great past recall memory. My brother was always her favorite, and she loved children and music. She, also, still thinks her mother and father are alive. During her times of anxiety, I put on a DVD of any movie with children. She immediately calms down and becomes engaged with it. Or, a conversation about or promise that my brother is coming over calms her. She always finds comfort in knowing that we are going to visit "moma Jean," her mother. I've found that being alone keeps her fearful, so I'm always in the same room with her. Unfortunately, we have to pretend a lot with her, but, whatever keeps her calm and peaceful, I'm willing to try. Medicating is not one of my options as my mother is very healthy and does not require any other meds. Her only problem is dementia.
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It sounds like you are on the right track. Music and the tape are awesome solutions. Have you tried essentiall oils. Lavender, Frankincense, and red thyme are the oils I have used but there could be others. Seek out an aromatherapist for other oils. I have also found art therapy to be effective. Clay and play doh work well, but even finger paint can be very fun. I always look for art therapy ideas online. Also if he was handy in his life sometimes model cars, Legos or erector sets can connect him to higher levels of his mind and calm him.
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I wrote my mom a note that is right next to her bed so she can read it every morning as soon as she wakes up. It explains the situation, gives hope, explains our love, gives her direction on what to do next and basically it's meant to calm her down. One of my brothers thought it was a stupid idea, but after my mother explained the comfort she receives from it, even he changed his mind. She's had it four days now and she's had four good days in a row! Good luck to you and your husband, it's very hard.
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I play music that he loves, a tape about his childhood that his sister recorded for him, use Bach Rescue Remedy and, if it is very bad, give him Diazepam that the doctor has prescribed. Fortunately the last is not often needed these days. He also has ayurvedic herb Bacopa, which seems to be working. And when the sun is shining a walk in his wheelchair is a welcome distraction. Good luck.
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Talk to his doctor about medication.
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