Roseie, can you get her to watch movies? My mother-in-law never watched them, but once I started to rent movies from the library for her, she really enjoyed them. I'd get her to watch two a day, best two bucks ever spent for four hours of quiet! I'd rent 10-15 at once, most are free (maybe the Downton Abby series, it's long). You could also blast the oldies, also known as music therapy lol, we both love that too. I use Pandora on my phone and carry a small quality speaker with me. I'd also keep moving, cleaning, cooking, vacuuming, gardening....
I am a CHHA working with a client with memory loss, she is a TALKER: from 7 AM when she gets up till 10 PM when she goes to bed nonstop. There is never silence, and it is just a repetition of everything. I am not a talker, I do respond and chat with her but it is really getting to me. I have no time for myself, you have to make eye contact at all times when she is talking,I cannot look away or she asks ,what are you thinking? I thought you are here for my company .If I am in my room she comes in, sit on my bed and talk, talk, talk. How do you suggest I deal with this? Thank you. I anxiously await your response.
I am a CHHA working with a client with memory loss, she is a TALKER: from 7 AM when she gets up till 10 PM when she goes to bed nonstop. There is never silence, and it is just a repetition of everything. I am not a talker, I do respond and chat with her but it is really getting to me. I have no time for myself, you have to make eye contact at all times when she is talking,I cannot look away or she asks ,what are you thinking? I thought you are here for my company .If I am in my room she comes in, sit on my bed and talk, talk, talk. How do you suggest I deal with this? Thank you. I anxiously await your response.
My mother has dementia and now lives with me and my 2 little bichons. These little dogs love her and they make all the difference in the world to her. They love to snuggle with her and sit on her lap and make her feel loved and wanted. Maybe you should consider getting a therapy dog for your husband.
Contact the local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association, they will be able to give you information on behavior management including calming techniques. Music is a great way to calm, you can also use scenic DVD's or maybe listen to books on tape if he liked to read. Look at his past interests and modify those activities, for instance if he liked to build or repair things, you can purchase pvc pipes for him to put together or you can attach to a board a lock and chain, a slide bolt, a light switch etc and make an activity board. If there is a local adult medical day care near you, check it out, he may enjoy attending and having a chance to socialize and keep busy. It would also give you a break. If he is more agitated in the late afternoon or evening, try behavioral interventions first but if that doesn't work, speak with his physician about his agitation; the doctor may prescribe a low dose of a medication that would help the agitation. Sometimes you learn what works through trial and error, if one thing doesn't work, try something else. Good luck.
Silence and a chocolate chip cookie. That's right, silence. Chew gum, whistle, sing along with the radio, but if there is one thing a man appreciates, it is a Silent Woman with a chocolate chip cookie. Many a man left his wife and kept his dog because the dog never said a word.
My husband always liked country music so I have video Tapes and DVDs of his favorites in concert. Also he likes Benny Hill and always laughs when I play those tapes (we have about 10). Finding something related to his past interests is best way to go.
First find out the reason for agitation, it wasn't until I took my Ma for a walk outside one day and she started walking really slow, so I asked why, She said her feet hurt really bad and had for months [new to me] so in the street I took off her socks n shoes and because she had settled into the resthome, and put on weight her shoes no longer fitted her. Took her back to the car and drove on down to the shoe shop while feet were hurting so I could get a good response to the size she needed. They forget why they are irritated, but when its there then the facts come out. anaemia and low B12 are other things. Same for the good old UTI and chest infection, really an upsetting trigger point. ask for a urine test to be done. Or observe them drinking, that often starts them coughing at the beginning of a cold. Agitation of course also comes on with the good old 'sundowners' try going in the morning to see if there is an improvement. Once those observations have been ticked off. Then as others have suggested. My Ma cant stand the music when she is having an Effie.[evening fairy spell]
Jacobsonbob, I went through that last year when my brother died. Every morning I had to tell my mom all over again that her son died. It reminded me of the movie "50 First Dates" Drew Barrymore had amnesia and could never remember her 1st date, so Adam Sandler made her a video to watch. My brother added photos to our letter. It also helped that death situation to hide all the reminders, my life improved a ton after I removed their photos, they were too painful and confusing for her. I know how hard it is, the letter worked for us, I really hope it works for you too.
ilovemom2--Thanks for letting us know; this looks very helpful.
I have to go through a routine as follows:
Mother) Why did Dad die? I) He was 90 and was very weak because of his health problems. His heart finally gave out. M) I mean YOUR father, not mine. I) YOUR father died 31 years ago at age 89. MY father (your husband) died this past May, and he was 90. M) I thought he was only about 40. I) No, he was born in 1923 and died in 2014. He was over 90. M) Oh, I miss him so much. I) I know; [my sister] and I do too.
I've thought of writing something to summarize this so I don't have to go through this routine every day. Mother is hard of hearing (her hearing aid got lost in the nursing home), so her reading this would save my voice (and, admittedly, my patience, too!).
Ann, that was a note I wrote to my mother, Jacobsonbob asked me what I wrote to my mother to calm her down . You are correct, it should be kept simple and big writing. The truth is, it's her heart that is weak and her memory doesn't improve during the day. It is more simple for her to understand it's her legs. Also, it gives her hope, that her memory will improve later, even if it doesn't. It lets her know she is loved and in a nice place. The thing it does the most is it stops her from getting up and falling 1st thing in the morning. We leave it right next to her bed and she reads it 1st thing.
Jacobsonbob's idea is fantastic.Writing reminders and helpful stories like the written by Jacobsonbob it can be very effective. Just remember to keep it short and simple.
Sundown Syndrome, A Caregivers Guide is a great resource that can be found at Amazon. If you have a Kindle it is free, or purchased for a reasonable price. It is written by caregivers and doctors.
Jacobsonbob, my mother is in assisted living and can't remember where she is at, that she nearly falls every time she stands and she can't remember to hit the button on her wrist for help. My main concern was her falling in the morning, so I wrote...
***MOM*** READ THIS 1st BEFORE YOU GET UP You have a bracelet on your wrist, please press the button on it right now. You have weak legs and need help to stand. A very nice person will come and help. MOM, you have been confused in the mornings, your memory improves all day, so do not worry. Your kids are nearby and will be along later. We love you. You have this cute apartment now, because your home was no longer safe for you. This is a wonderful place and they will help you. PRESS THE BUTTON ON YOUR WRIST, PLEASE
just be careful with small objects that they don't put them into their mouth. music sounds nice, or looking at photo albums or other picture books of things that they used to like (birds, cars, etc).
I agree with Jeffrey & Patrice, seroquel has saved my sanity and calmed my husband down, and also now sleeps through the night. These are very small doses, nothing that will make him " loopy" just calming. Talk to the Dr soon. I assume you are asking how to keep him calm as he is having outbursts and rages, that's what I went through. Once you get the med started and he's calm then the music and all the other ideas mentioned here will also work. Your husband will follow your lead, if he's enraged and you get mad, you're looking into the eye of the storm, just stay calm and smile and try to change his immediate thought pattern to stop the anger.
Something I tried with my dad was to play music from his teen years and oldies I knew he liked... then I asked him random questions about his youth. Even though he didn't know who I was that night- his mood changed from argunentive and confused to being talkative and he was happy to tell me about the good ol'days
This is your husband. No one knows him better or loves him more than you. He is probably afraid and on a lucid day he knows he is going to die from this. Just hug him every time he is upset. Be honest. Tell him you know he may be afraid and you know he is sick and it is not good but that you will be right there with him always through everything. My husband had Alzheimer's. He passed away when he was 62. I always reassured him and I kept my promises. You can do no more. What life deals you is not always fair but he will feel safe if he knows you will be there.
ilovemon2, what did you say in this letter that you wrote for your mother? My mother, who was always somewhat of an "interrogator" and now has some dementia, will ask questions about things for which I have limited information, and she seems unable to grasp that asking the question over again or rewording it simply won't enable me to give information I don't have. One other time I wrote some explanations to questions she often asked and taped them to her meal cart (or whatever it is called!), but the staff at another nursing home didn't seem to think this was a good idea. I've thought of trying this again for another issue she's obsessed with now in her current nursing home.
For us the seroquel worked the entire time. If we had to give an extra dose it went from a half pill to a whole. You are so right, what works today may not work tomorrow.
Rayed1 - I have found that different times in different stages require a different approach. That is what is so frustrating about this cruel disease. You will think you find something that works, and then it doesn't, and you have to find something new. I have used music a lot. I also found a television station on cable TV which plays some of the classic rock, mostly 50s, and my mother with Alzheimer's Disease sometimes finds that comforting. Coloring worked for a while. But honestly, if her geriatric psychiatrist had not put her on a mild dosage of Seroquel, I think we would have lost her mind. All of the other things were definitely helpful but the Seroquel was essential at one point. I am sure that is also going to change.
My father used to love doing puzzle, latch work rugs, etc. He wasn't capable of any of those things any more ;because of severe dementia, so having him help roll coins, even a child's lite brite , (where you put the pegs into a hole on a screen and make a picture and they light up) used to help calm him down and keep him busy.. Going for rides helped a lot, too, but most of the time he was worst at night which limits the things you can do. Playing his favorite songs and encouraging him to sing along also helped.
I've learned that if I agree with him and try to direct him in another path he will usually forget about what is upsetting him and go in another direction. The few times this hasn't worked I have stepped back and left him alone to work it out but kept him in eyesight in case he fell or tried to hurt himself.
A small does of Xanax helps. If you can take a nap by 2:30 p.m. so you won't lose it and get crabby with him because he will get crabby too. I take my husband to the Rec Ctrs. He can go on a treadmill and the rowing machine. Exercise helps both of you. The encore western's channel keeps his attention for a while. The old Westerns are pretty simple.
Find something that taps into his old interests. My husband likes to play modified card games and stack up poker chips. He plays his own version of solitaire. He received a book with short chapters about his college football team and surprised us by reading it out loud. I don't think he understands it, but the subject and names in the book are familiar to him.
medication is one way to go, lots of pictures if you have a free wall hang pictures in a timeline and label them if possible with names and dates, music and if all else fails just go with it.In nursing homes we would just make sure the patient couldn't hurt them self or anyone else and let the patient work through the outburst and Im good with talking and one trick I found is to ask whats wrong and if its an object that is making the person angry remove it and try to redirect the persons attention with something they like. One man liked food so when he would outburst I would convince him to come to the kitchen with me and get a snack and I would always agree with the patient as well.
little dogs love her and they make all the difference in the world to her. They love to snuggle with her and sit on her lap and make her feel loved and wanted.
Maybe you should consider getting a therapy dog for your husband.
Many a man left his wife and kept his dog because the dog never said a word.
anaemia and low B12 are other things.
Same for the good old UTI and chest infection, really an upsetting trigger point. ask for a urine test to be done. Or observe them drinking, that often starts them coughing at the beginning of a cold. Agitation of course also comes on with the good old 'sundowners' try going in the morning to see if there is an improvement. Once those observations have been ticked off. Then as others have suggested. My Ma cant stand the music when she is having an Effie.[evening fairy spell]
I have to go through a routine as follows:
Mother) Why did Dad die?
I) He was 90 and was very weak because of his health problems. His heart finally gave out.
M) I mean YOUR father, not mine.
I) YOUR father died 31 years ago at age 89. MY father (your husband) died this past May, and he was 90.
M) I thought he was only about 40.
I) No, he was born in 1923 and died in 2014. He was over 90.
M) Oh, I miss him so much.
I) I know; [my sister] and I do too.
I've thought of writing something to summarize this so I don't have to go through this routine every day. Mother is hard of hearing (her hearing aid got lost in the nursing home), so her reading this would save my voice (and, admittedly, my patience, too!).
***MOM***
READ THIS 1st
BEFORE YOU GET UP
You have a bracelet on your wrist, please press the button on it right now.
You have weak legs and need help to stand.
A very nice person will come and help.
MOM, you have been confused in the mornings, your memory improves all day,
so do not worry. Your kids are nearby and will be along later. We love you.
You have this cute apartment now, because your home was no longer safe for you.
This is a wonderful place and they will help you.
PRESS THE BUTTON ON YOUR WRIST, PLEASE
My husband had Alzheimer's. He passed away when he was 62. I always reassured him and I kept my promises. You can do no more. What life deals you is not always fair but he will feel safe if he knows you will be there.