How to calm an anxious Alzheimer's patient?
I take my mother (stage 4 going on 5) to the beauty parlor every 8 wks or so. Its an outing for her but it also allows my father who is primary caregiver, some hours of respite to do what he wants (errands or simply watch the ballgame in peace).
The problem is my mother gets very anxious being away from him. They are joined at the hip for the most part so she starts with wanting to know what he is doing while she is getting her hair done. I tell her he's out doing some errands. She then wants to know what errands so I say bank, Costco, gas etc. She is ok for 2 min then wants to know again where he is & what he is doing. She then starts to get very agitated and wants me to call him. Every few minutes she begs me to call him or grills me about where he is or what he is "up to." (she imagines my 85 yr old father is running after women) This goes on the entire appointment.
Afterwards the hair appointment my father always wants me to take her out for a bite to eat. This becomes another struggle. She wants my father to join us. I know he doesn't want to but she makes me call and ask. Over and over and over she asks WHY doesn't he want to come? WHERE is he? Then at the restaurant she will insist I call him to join us again and insist on me buying him a take out meal.
How can I calm her down about not having my father around for a few hours? She literally panics. He just gets annoyed when I tell him. He just wants a few hours to himself and he deserves it. Suggestions?
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Avoid using any products with diphenhydramine with Alzheimer's.
Diphenhydramine (benadryl) works well for Parkinson's patients to relieve tremor and muscle stiffness, and make them calm, but NOT for Alzheimer's.
I would prefer not to drug her. She already is on heart medications and insulin injections amongst a slew of other meds. When I say panic, I don't meal full blown out panic attack. I've had one and my daughter suffers from them so I know what they are. I just mean she gets upset and wants my father to be there. She doesn't cry or anything, she gets irritated and demanding. If anyone needs an anxiety pill its me lol
My father wants her to continue getting her hair done (cut & colored) at a beauty parlor. That's why we can't just stay home and let him go out. She doesn't care but he does. I'm not going to argue the point with him about it. I did tell him that she gets upset he's not there and he just laughed and said she'd get over it. Ok but I'm the one dealing with it not him.
can't win!
However, my dad accepts what we tell him. We rarely need to Fib to him, as he forgets so fast anyway!!! My folks are joined at the hip, as you say. They are rarely apart. The few times they are it is usually when there is one of us with each of them.!! They both have dementia, but his is worse than hers at this point.
I like the idea of calling your own number and having a 'conversation'. You would be in control of everything then. If your whole demeanor is relaxed and confident, will that give your Mom the assurance she needs??I am sure you have tried so many things!! God Bless You!! Please know that prayers go with
you from many of us!!