I take my mother (stage 4 going on 5) to the beauty parlor every 8 wks or so. Its an outing for her but it also allows my father who is primary caregiver, some hours of respite to do what he wants (errands or simply watch the ballgame in peace).
The problem is my mother gets very anxious being away from him. They are joined at the hip for the most part so she starts with wanting to know what he is doing while she is getting her hair done. I tell her he's out doing some errands. She then wants to know what errands so I say bank, Costco, gas etc. She is ok for 2 min then wants to know again where he is & what he is doing. She then starts to get very agitated and wants me to call him. Every few minutes she begs me to call him or grills me about where he is or what he is "up to." (she imagines my 85 yr old father is running after women) This goes on the entire appointment.
Afterwards the hair appointment my father always wants me to take her out for a bite to eat. This becomes another struggle. She wants my father to join us. I know he doesn't want to but she makes me call and ask. Over and over and over she asks WHY doesn't he want to come? WHERE is he? Then at the restaurant she will insist I call him to join us again and insist on me buying him a take out meal.
How can I calm her down about not having my father around for a few hours? She literally panics. He just gets annoyed when I tell him. He just wants a few hours to himself and he deserves it. Suggestions?