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Another bad spell with my mom -- this time she forgot she made a doctor's appointment 6 months ago, and she called and left two long, hateful messages for me thinking that I made the appointment, when I hadn't.
She ranted and raged, telling me she went in February and June for med refills and all kinds of other details that had nothing to do with any of this, telling me I was selfish, I hated her, and so on.
I talked to her briefly and it was all craziness, to keep it short. This is just one of many problems I've had with her, but I've decided to call Adult Protective Services and file a report.
What can I expect after I make that call? I've never gone through this before.

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I'm thinking it could be a pefrectly good idea to call APS, but it is not guaranteed to help either, and she will be furious if she figures out or decides that you made that call, even though they are not supposed to tell who calls anything in to them. You can tell them the situation and see if they even want to "accept" the report or whatever their term is. The meds she is getting now could be contributing to her confusion and meanness, and a comprehensive geriatric evaluation would make the most sense. Are her threats of suicide on the serious side (actually, at least theoretcially no threat should be totally disregarded) with a realistic method or plan? Is she driving when she should not be, or otherwise in danger to herself or others (e.g. frequent falls, filthy unsafe home - not just a little cluttered or low-grade hoarded, etc.). Many years ago, before my husband and I understood anything about dementia, my MIL got herself in trouble with the police because of harassing and finally assualting a neighbor by dumping a bucket of something, I forget what, on her, and the home had become a disaster waiting to happen; she was appropriately taken to a geropsych hospital by social services at that point.

If she is just driving YOU nuts, and a danger to your sanity they may not feel they can do anything though. Sorry you are going through this.
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Well her doctor should better be managing her prescription dosages - threats of suicide aren't normal, and I have heard that antidepressants can really mess with a person's mind. Does she have dementia?
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Thank you, everyone. I'm in contact with my mother's doctor, and so far the doctor hasn't been inclined to do much.
I'm thinking APS because in Michigan they are supposed to help -- according to the website I checked -- for neglect, abuse and for when an individual cannot care for him or herself. My mom sort of fits the latter.
As for mood meds, she is on xanax and antidepressants but I don't think it's doing much for her. My mother refuses to do nothing more than get checkups to keep her in xanax and blood pressure pills. No neurologist and no heart specialist or anything that might help her.
I'm torn because I believe in giving some freedom, but the outbursts of anger, threats of suicide, and so on are wearing me down.
On one hand I feel I should help her the best I can, and on the other hand I feel like I should just step back and keep out of her life for a while. It's to the point where I can't even pay her a visit without accusations flaring up, so it's not like she's happy to see me.
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I just want to add that how APS responds seems to very from state to state. I have read here on this site where they were very aggressive and would actually remove a person from their home, bringing in a social worker to take over as POA. When I took my mom to the dr. for the antidepressants, her dr. told me mom could not live alone anymore. Legally, he had to report that to APS which he did. They did come out to mom's house, left a business card on the door. A month later they called me asking what I was doing to make sure my mom was safe. I told the woman that until mom was diagnosed as mentally incapacitated, I could not make decisions using her DPOA, but we were waiting for the results from a neurologist to determine her mental capacity. Also explained to her that I was running back and forth between my house, work, and my mom's house several times a day to check on her, give her her meds, make sure she was eating. The woman said, that I was doing a good job and that I was correct that I can do nothing until we can get the diagnosis to activate the DPOA. That was the end of it, never heard from them again.
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You need to contact her doctor, not APS - you could be opening yourself up for a huge mess if you call them. Explain to the doctor what is going on, and that you do not believe it is safe for her to live alone any longer. Start exploring options now before she hurts herself or others.
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Adult protective services is an agency to protect elders when abuse is suspected. Unless you can say your mother is a danger to herself in some capacity I don't know if they can help you. All you can do is try, they may have some suggestions to help you. Is your mother taking any medications to help with anxiety? We put mom on an antidepressant because she was calling a couple of her lady friends and accusing them of stealing her medical files. One lady called me to let me know this was going on, she knows mom has Alzheimer's but it was still very disturbing for them to get these calls. The antidepressant helped and mom stopped calling them with accusations. However, she still calls us (sis and me) and harasses us over the phone. Mom is now living in a memory care community and she harasses sis much more than me. Sis takes it very personal, I just ignore it. I know it is hard to do. When mom calls me and she is in this mode of harassing, I only talk with her once, then I let the machine pick up all other calls and I don't listen to them, just erase. Sis will try to reason with mom, calm her down, etc but nothing works, and for some reason, sis will keep taking her calls. Sometimes mom will call 14-15 times a day. I live 5 minutes away from mom and visit often, she never brings up the calls when I am there. I suggest you try adjusting her meds or adding to them to see if the dr. can come up with a combo that will help keep your mother on a more even mood. Set some boundaries with these calls so they are not so troublesome and upsetting to you. Hugs to you, you are doing the best you can and that's all any of us can do!
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