My dad is 80. He is in the last stages of AML (leukemia). My mom won't let a nurse in to help us. My dad is in pain and doesn't have pain medicine. My mom has martyr syndrome. She is 80 and obese in poor health and a hurt back. I'm a 50 year old single mom with two wonderful, awesome boys. She has to do everything for my very sick dad. She hurts herself in the process and she brags about it. My dad keeps falling out of a high bed and she takes 4 hours to get him up. One time last week she fell on him hit her head and back, and broke her finger, and was sooo proud that she got him up, and said she was laughing when she fell on him. I had to take her to the ER AT 1:00 am. I had to go there the other night at 4 am to pick him up the floor. It was so hard for me, and my mom had already worked 3 hours to get him up. My dad is 208 and to get off the couch she pulls and pulls. There are stairs and both of them can barley get up them! I have to be there at 7 when he wakes up because he falls out of bed. They refuse to use the bed they got with rails because my dad said " just put me in that bed to die." He is still fighting to live even though he's in hospice. My dad had a port put in and it's like surgery. He fell out of bed and the ambulance came and they said they had to take him in to get checked. He had fallen at 1 am then she tried for hours to get him up, couldn't lift and left him on the floor till my other brother came. Again the ambulance came. She lied and said he just fell then my dad said he fell at 1 am. He said he hasn't slept on the floor since Vietnam. He had a high fever and his oxygen levels were very low. The hospital admitted him for 2 nights. My mom didn't even check on him when he was on the floor. (this all happened in the last 8 weeks).
Doctor said no Xanax because it kills healthy white cells and other reasons, and she gives him them to sleep and when he wakes up to pee. This is because she needs to use his Ambien. I begged her to get a nurse and she said "ohh my back is killing me I can't believe how I helped your dad, look at my bruise! " She is just like a child! they have the means to get help. Also, They are extremely private.
My dad FULLY supports her. He says "no let your mom do it." I tell him she's hurting herself with bruises all over her body. He ignores me. They have been married 62 years.
So I called and complained to the doctors nurse. I said my mom won't get outside help and she insists on doing everything. I said you didn't explain the last stage to them so could get prepared...... I swear! I never thought they would call Adult services. I also was laughing saying my mom's lost it. (I've spoken to this nurse many times.) I was joking around. My brother who hasn't helped at all and goes to his ranch, happened to be there when APS Called to open up an investigation.
My brother told my sister to tell me that if I go near them they will call the police. The 6 brothers and sisters won't talk to me, even my sister Brenda whom I'm close to. My dad is my very best friend. (my only friend and only support) He was always there for me when I had any problems. We were together almost every day for years! We ate breakfast, went for 2 hour hikes then lunch. My mom goes to bed at 3am and gets up at 4 PM. I'm devastated because my dad is so hurt that I did that to them and I won't be able to be there at the end to say good bye.
This was yesterday and today mom called me!!!! I didn't answer because I'm scared of what she's going to say. It's not "I'm sorry" because she doesn't say I'm sorry. She won't say we have changed because they won't. Should I call her back?
(I'm so glad I found this forum! and sorry the question is so long but it really felt good to vent!!! )