My mom lives with me, I am tired, angry, and frustrated. HELP!

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Mom is 85 years old, she was in the hospital for 11 days, I rescued her and brought her with me. She is getting better, but my blood pressure has gone up, my life has been given fullen to this woman. She feels I owe her for years ago, I am constantly getting her back to health, I am tired. I can't do it anymore.

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Wow, ferris1...I'm sorry, but your post is innappropriate. To tell someone to "stop whining" is neither compassionate or helpful. Sometimes peopel just need to vent and feel as though someone else understands.
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Adapting to each other can be tough. Parents are always parents, and we are always kids to them. I don't like the feeling that we somehow owe our parents for the work they did raising us. Responsibility passes down the line. They raise their children; we raise ours. We do owe love and respect to our parents unless they have done something to lose it. I believe a decent person will make sure that their parent is safe and cared for, whether it be in their own home or somewhere else. (It's strange how being decent often falls on one child, while the others go along their merry way.)

Texas is a great state to live in for senior services. If you think that you and she should not be living together, there are several good options in the communities around you. You would still be taking care of her, just not in your own home.

Probably most people in the group know how you feel. Most of us probably never imagined that we would be living with our parents at our age!
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Wow ferris1, sounds like you could really use a break ! If you really think we're all whiners rather than people attempting to help and support each other during a very difficult time than you probably really don't belong here....and fyi...if I started to care for my mother the way she cared for others (including my sister and me) she'd be in a nursing home right now not here where I can make sure she's safe and ok....I do not feel I 'owe' her but I do feel she's my responsibility. I feel very sorry for those that will have to take on the task of caring for you...they do not 'owe' you either...having children is a choice made by the parent not the child...I have 4 of my own and know I can count on any of them to be there for me if necessary not because they owe me but because they love me and know I love them!
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Ferris1, your answer is unfeeling and inappropriate! Caring for an elderly parent is draining in SOOOOO many ways and many children have to put their own lives(their own kids, job, etc) on hold for MANY years to do so...and if the caregiver is not careful, their life could be in shambles after Mom or dad passes!! This forum is to ALLOW those of us who need to to WHINE and get a little bit of emapthy, advice from others in our shoes! Yes, i do feel we owe it to our parents to do the best we can to help them BUT our first priority is our OWN nuclear family, just as our parent's first priority was raising US. There are SOOO many factors to consider and since I have been caring for my mom for the past year with virtually NO help from my sibling, I now know to NEVER judge anyone in this postition or accuse them of "whining"..
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Ferris 1.........I'm with Lily4! I've read your profile and "hands down"....it's great that you've sacrificed your life to take care of your husband. First of all, not everyone has the schooling and experience that you have!! Care giving may be easy for YOU and for many others, but NOT for all! It makes me wonder if all this compassion you display is sincere or just for others to pat you on the back! Jesse Belle, you need to take care of yourself! Yes, take a deep breath, cry cry , and cry! Then arrange for the help your mother needs. You will end up being so much more helpful to your mom AND you'll appreciate her again, when you visit and take her places in short intervals. I bring my mom home every weekend. We really do have a great time, and I know she appreciates it while she's "In the moment", but minutes later she'll not know who I am, or where she is....etc. You need to go with your gut feelings. If it's not right to keep her at home, then you know what you need to do, and do it. You'll be much happier and so will mom. Good luck!
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I feel for you Shila... my mother moved in with me almost 3 years ago.... started out with the best of intentions to look after her after my father past away... but I constantly have to bury my frustrations over what the emotional, physical, psychologic tolls to me..... I cried and cried this past week.... if only because slowly my wonder feelings of my parents (my father's remain intact due to his sudden death) is slowly eroding into frustrations and anger....
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Ferris1 is just another "you owe your mother" of growing members joining this website. I am fed up with these members who go around to different posts commenting their cruel negative verbal garbage. This particular one is not even a caregiver to a mother, but her husband. Why would these type members want to signify how ignorant they are is beyond me .
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Yes Marlenja123. My sister and I have not spoken for a year over her judgement of me and how she thinks I should be taking care of mom and yet, guess what? She does not participate in ANY measurable way whatsoever. She also puts me down for showing any kind of frustration. I say, "really"? Try stepping in once in awhile to do something and then you can have an opinion.
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Ferris, I really disagree with you.
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I know how you are feeling. I have had my 84 yr old mother living with my family for 3 years now. During that time, I have gone through so many emotional ups and downs. Sometimes the care I give is so sweet and others I am just tired and just do what I have to to get by. I wonder if she would be better off in a assisted living home but she doesn't want to go there and honetly I don't want her to either. It's just hard but one thing I know is that I will not have any regrets when she passes away. It's only me with the help of my husband and kids. My sister moved away 2 days after mama moved in with me. It was not supposed to be permanent, we were just rehabbing and she would then go back home. Our home has become her home, our bed hers. We were displaced to the living room. I still feel I am doing the right thing but when and if I feel the release to house her elsewhere, I will. It is just hard! The children becoming the parent, my bathing her the way she once did me, etc. Today I had to stay home from a field trip with my 12 year old because the gal that I pay to get her up for me daily has not been able to help for a week and a half. Thankfully, my husband was able to go with my daughter. I have come to know that this is just life. I pray that you and I will continue doing what we believe we are supposed to do, whether our moms are in our home or elsewehere. Blessings!
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